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how I got welcome back second video tonight Owen chapter five of the book because I cried out by the author and publisher Tameka Anderson this is chapter five the title of this chapter is an open door policy it starts off and come in Mitch was always trying to convince me today you I would not dream of being his girlfriend now like to smoke marijuana with him but that was as far as it was going he and I thought alike I felt like a crook and he felt like Connolly not exactly the same but not too different Nicholas transparent to me Nick did not care he wanted me in his life very badly every time I saw him he would give me some quick line that I knew was a lot when it came to scheme games and tricks he was the best of them all we were only teenagers and he knew all I subcon games to get drugs and money from people he knew that to be in my presence was to smoke weed with me there was no way I was going to let him manipulate me of anything I was already on probation from a theft charge I didn’t need Nick to add to it even after graduating from high school Nick was there he had always offered me a position to be his lady at age 19 I was living in my own apartment I had been dating Bow for about three years our relationship has turned from being verbally and emotionally conflicting to physical violence luckily for me my three-year-old son was living with my mother he did not witness any of the chaos one particular even bow and I had physical had a physical altercation in front of my apartment complex these fights has become increasingly frequent I only weighed 100 so of course he overpowered me he picked me up and threw me to the ground I landed flat on my buttocks the conflict was not over until he was satisfied satisfaction for him was when he could see scratches and bruises on my body I was hurt and angry this man and his violence were getting worse I decided that I had to do something he would eventually try to kill me the bow and sherry stain was ending for suree we could no longer go on this way as far as I was concerned it was over the same night i took a warm shower and try to nurse her some of the scratches that I had on my neck I did not want to stay in that lonely apartment and I didn’t I want to go around my family I knew that my mom would ask a lot of questions that I did not want to answer i decided that i would put on a little makeup and go out on the town it was ladies night at the deja vu my spot I was a regular in the bar symptom through my drink I wanted to say to be put in my past and start a new future without both as I step into the nightclub looking brand new I observed the same the crowd was always huge on ladies night the man loves it why not it was ten girls to one guy several people were at the bar to get drinks I stood against the wall to wait for the line to get smaller I was enjoying the mood and the music as soon as I got deep into the groove I saw a tall six foot bow coming into the club entrance immediately I had a flashback of the fight in that afternoon I could not believe him why was he here I started ranting my blood begins to boil without thinking I grabbed a chair and ran for him i swum the chair at him across the head the back he lost his balance by selling over one of the dining tables I continued to hit him with the chair I was wowed and I was controlled the club crowd dispersed the owner of deja vu took a handgun and shot in the air wow I stopped swinging and came to my senses I had come out of the blackout bo regained his stamina and ran out of the club I was shaking non-stop and needs to calm myself I was dying for a smoke I exit strangers new body he had a cigarette he handed it to me as if he was presenting me with an Academy Award he did

everything but say nominee for the actress is crazy shree a sister figure it is if I deserved it I had Unleashed my inner mad woman I grabbed some matches from the bar and walked outside of the club to smoke I lit my cigarette and took one pup just when I attempted to call myself I heard Nick’s loud voice yelling Cherie Cherie look out I quickly talk around both was coming towards me with an iron pipe I’ve dropped my cigarette he took a swing at me I was up and he missed the owner came outside to the front of the building he said that he had called the police and that they they were on their way both drops the iron pipe and nervously ran away I picked my cigarette up from the crown and real it this time I smoked all of it Nick walks over are you a right chérie yes and thank you Nick you looked out for me where in the world that you come from you are lucky that I was you said you are lucky that I saw you coming nick said arrogantly now let’s go ease our minds I had it one day I need something a little more than a cigarette we went to my apartment on lock the door and turn on the lights bo has some clothing articles and items at my house pack them call the police and sentencing from outside my apartment once and for all it was all over between us I moved to magazines off the sofa and directed mix 26 make yourself at home he appears to be comfortable already he reached in his pockets and took out some packages Nick had more than marijuana and night he had heroin too I was not intimidated at all I mainly smoked marijuana but had had experiment with other drugs before I knew that we were about to get loaded I walked to my bedroom and changed clothes to get more comfortable I yelled Nick it’s okay for you to come and hang out back here with me he smirked I was it was as if he knew I would be inviting him he plays all of the dope on my nightstand and said all using paraphernalia inside he prepares the drug for us he has a party he had enough to party all night that’s just what he had a two-man party as I transparently looked through his con man and arouse me he was very intriguing he knew it he got close to my flesh and I let go of my defenses we were intimate the entire duration of is of course I had given him careful instructions he was a very good listener when I said stroke me here he did when I said kiss me he come alive he if he’s means the way I suggested he was also he became a master student in my bedroom that night I’ll talk to him how to seduce me I rolled over the next morning to a sure kick grinning Nick I looked out of the window both items were picked up from the outside of my apartment I embrace my new beginning revolving door Nick did not work he was good at selling people false dreams he made money with clever little schemes the more schemes he played the wardroom we got high on a daily basis we had a heroin cocaine marijuana pills and alcohol we would Ali use drugs as well we spend days and days getting high and having sex Mick moved in after about a month I never invited him to the house he somehow found residency with me we made our money by swindling other people out there honey nikis whole conversations with people would have their money in the same night we sold fake furniture jewelry and other items we were all about selling dreams my mother despised him she said he was a liar and that he was no good for me she said that he would only bring me to ruins my mother was a church-going Bible toting prayer warrior she was not bite her tongue if she believes something in our hearts to be true I was not trying to hear all of her religious jargon mom did not know him like I did she did not understand him my feelings for him worthy it was nothing that I ever felt before I was die for Nick dying from this man did not seem white in my head however it was true mamas a tree you

have a four-year-old son that you should be spending time with I love my son I knew mother was right yet I want to be with Nick that is who I spent my time with one day I was watching Nick pants and found three fouls in his pocket when he walked through the door from God knows where I questioned him what in the heck is this oh my mother gave me this for protection what is it girl this is nothing it is fan sulfur and so what fan sulfur and salt I told you it is for my own protection this was really strange to me i had never heard of anything like that before it bothered me the entire night I can hardly sleep the next morning when Nick’s up the house iphone mom hello mom huh Cherie I have something weird to ask you is it true that a man is protected if he carries violence and suffering salt in his pocket protected from what I don’t know maybe hurt in horror who is doing that Sheree nikki is girl that sounds like witchcraft Isis stuff you better get out of that all right mom I’ll call you later my mother calls with me with the whole witchcraft thing why would anybody want to do witchcraft I should not act I should not have asked her she doesn’t even like Nick I needed more answers all Nick’s mother his mother said I give all of my children that to protect them from hurt form in danger okay thank you Miss Carter now that was strange i had never heard of anything like it before the next time I saw the vials I threw them away Nick and I could see into run skiing together it wasn’t enough that a life to steal when my kleptomania and his fraudulent operations married we became hellish one night this strange man asked me to get in his truck and go around the world with him I except to explain it he told me that it was to sodomize me I hated the term and the sounds of it he made me sick I got him to trust and win with him anyway I could not say no I saw him as a victim most of all I saw dollar signs when we pulled into his home there was a small compartment attached to his premises he lost his door his side door and invited me in from where i said i was able to see inside of a small compartment it looks sort of like a warehouse i was amazed to see what was in it there was a mass amounts of stolen items everything had price tags still on them I saw gun jewelry electrical appliances computers auto parts other nice things all of it look like an opportunity for me I just didn’t know how to go in for the seal the trainman phone rained he walked into the room and in the back to discuss what appeared to be a private matter as soon as I saw him out of my sight I grabbed as many items as I could I store several items underneath the staircase outside of the warehouse I he’s back into the house to try to calm my racing heart while trying to control my breathing I scanned the room his black wallet lot of the table got my attention I quickly grabbed it and ran out of his front door before dawn I went back to his home and gathered all of the items hidden under the staircase I sold them all and obtain thousands of dollars before the day was over I let Nicky in on it we decided to go back to the warehouse for more the man was not home while we were there the strange man pulled up and saw the both of us we both ran I sprinted towards the back of the house and attempted to climb the fence Nick ran in the opposite direction as I thought ready to cross over the fence I turned around the man looked me directly in the face I knew he recognized me Nate got away behind my cell I had to process the three years I was given the man press charges on me for forgery I emptied his checking and savings account when I stole his wallet I was most miserable I knew that I was going to miss mom my son my sisters and most of all Nick and almost none have been incarcerated I was on the yard with the other females of recreation for recreation time I cannot believe what I was seeing directly although the side of the fence was Nick in the man in the men’s populations he was waving and smiling Nick was there for stealing someone’s checklist and had written

several checks they had a half size sheet of paper in his hand he folded it into a little paper airplane and lobbed it into the air across the female since I open the note it in red I need to be wherever you I came here for you I thought to myself not as though he said that he committed the crime to be with me I knew that he loved me who would do something like that unless they love the person Nick that’s who he was finished for 18 months he was released from jail before my sentence was up I bet with the parole board or my hearing they gave me a stipulation that I am not to have any more dealings with Nick they granted my parole contingent on me not seeing him again I gave you my word being around me would violate my parole I breathes with all of our legal obligations and process of jail I had no apartment to go to so I went directly to Nick’s house when he opened the door I saw three young ladies in his living room Nick had got into pissing he was trunk he was staying in the new place I would get money from money from him his from his pimping job I like some money but I could not stand the fact that they were around my man I picked fights with the girls and so they could not stand to be around that was my man and they had no place in our lives Nick began treating me as if he was my since he did not want me to sleep with anyone else however he did want me to seduce other men my job was to lure men into a secluded area and promised them in a course after i have the man unarmed and disrobe this will come from hiding to rob them of everything the more i did this the higher i needed to be we got deeper and deeper into drug use I was intravenously using heroin on a daily basis I made it a point to visit mom and my son weekly she would not hesitate to tell me of her opinions of me Cherie I know you think you look him but he is not going to bring anything good to your life baby you are destroying your life she told me this respectively but I loved him he was not that bad I had my own mind Nick could not influenced me to do anything I made my own decisions i chose to steal and do drugs why is he the blame for everything i do i hated to come around my family to hear it one night I was at Mom’s house Nick came to get me as I got ready to leave with him she followed me to the door Sharif if he don do you would tell you to spend time with your son that is what a real man would say can’t you see that your son is crying he does not want you to leave with Nick mama did not understand I had to be with Nick I would die without him I would die for him I prayed to have a baby with him I burst an eight pound seven ounce girl Nick Tanaka’s need to do drugs and was game I was arrested again and went back to the penitentiary i avow it in my role ten years into our relationship Nick’s begin asking me to have sex with him another man and another woman he eventually coerced me into watching him perform oral sex on another one this was totally against my morals and values I did not want to do it it’s so nasty and it I hated it while I was engaging in such activities I could not help myself and felt like I was under a spell my world became so dark to see a woman on the streets having sex with a dog had become acceptable it was part of the lifestyle the faithful of Nick’s drugs sex crime and penitentiary time went on for about 15 years I was in prison more than I was free whenever I was locked up I reached for my Bible I spent hours and hours learning more and more about Jesus Christ and the Word of God i was still crave for drugs and for nick at the same time each time I was released I went back in a cycle that had gotten deeper and darker he introduced me to places and people that I would have never engaged or a known was drug use schemes and pimping validated me it became my way of life one night after being released from prison Nick and I were walking the streets he looked at me and started yelling why are you out here in the streets you are glowing you need to go back to where you came from he scared me I was confused I did not understand why

he did not want me around him that night did not stop me from going deeper into my more sex drugs and crime I was unbelievably miserable I wanted to get away from the lifestyle but I still wanted me very badly I remember walking through the streets alone I approached the churches and saturday and sell us it’s suit I looked up in the heavens after a long tired night tears were rolling down my eyes and I cried out God please deliver me from this man I cannot take anymore after crying I’ve got us off the soup and went back into the jungle of pain I wanted out but it just did not know how has changed I went back to the penitentiary I found out that I was pregnant somewhere in between schemes and drug use I got pregnant the child was not Nick he knew it when I was released Nick looked at me differently he resented the fact that I was framed for someone else he started physically abusing me every time I walk the streets and saw a church built by sat there and cried and asked God for deliverance I felt that this I was going to die something was unnatural about the way I was living my prayers were becoming more serious and from the heart lord please help me i want my children to have a mother I want my mother’s prayers to be answered please help me God please take the saints of desire of sex with this man away from me take the drugs and him away Laura just want it all to go away a week after praying this prayer I found out that I had a warrant for my arrest I refuse to turn myself in I in my lifestyle I could not get over Nick he was my every thought I wanted more and more of him I had run from the law for about two years before I was called I went back to jail and found out I was pregnant with twins they were not next I delivered them in jail my mother and sisters came to get them I was hurt and they separated the three of us my pain forced me to get back in my Bible again there were pastors and clergymen who would come by the gel and minister to me I got so deep in the Word of God until I was totally set free I knew that God had answered my prayers I had no urge or craving for drugs and alcohol Lord that I desire Nick anymore I spent almost one year in jail a crack in the door I was released from jail to return to my mother’s home mom over the door and grabbed me we home with excitement looking over her shoulder I saw Nick he was there assisting my mom with the twins I had been clean for almost a year I did not want any more of the streets I look deep into his eyes and got a revelation of who he would I saw a deceiver a pervert and a liar almost everything he wanted to do was nasty perverted and unnatural I could not see any of his goodness I wanted to but I could not he did not look the same anymore he was not attracted to me in fact i strongly dislike him i felt as if he had stolen some years for me and my children i could not stand to be around him it occurs to me that i was free from him i found a place of detachment from this man i set myself some goals and accomplish them has time went on i earned a degree and I’ve seen the profession and addiction an addiction counseling I had found purpose in life I was very passionate about advocating for women and women who had for men and for women who has been incarcerated they’re addictive natures I understood their pain my life was stabilizing after all my mother’s prayers within two years she became ill and died she was able to see me clean sober and free please I really miss mama alone for her presence almost a year after mom’s death Nick showed up at my front door he had that familiar look it was the same look he had when he first started being serious then he opened his mouth suree cannot make love to you bore are you out of your mind miss you really need to get alike I could not believe he tried that line I left him where he was standing and went on with my life it was a few months later a few months after that I would see Nick again the night was really quiet when I pulled into a gas station I got out to pump gas he approached me and started calling me all sort of perverted and profane names he accused me of being sexually intimate with my own son I tried to ignore him and so he called my deceased mother out

a profane name I immediately jumped in my car started it up and attempted to run him over I hit him with the car I was trying to kill it I was very angry and cheerful in the midst of accelerating the floor against his slim body my arms were suspended in the air I heard a voice that said do not kill him he wants to take you with him never mess with him again let him go it was that moment that I was brought back into reality I was close to going back to prison this time you’ll go for manslaughter I drove away again never to look back I strongly believe that he followed me from my house I’m heritage my mother’s house my children I live there my siblings have their own everyone could breathe now that I was all grown up I’ve been seeing strongly in the faith in the wisdom that my mother imparted in me she raised me with spiritual principles and that is that is what I aim to live by my children were older I played energy and restoring my relationship with them I spent 10 consecutive years improving my profession my spiritual life and my relationship with the children I had felt a lot of guilt for my being absent from them in the past over compensated for the times I was not there I was at gain school functions and church functions they deserved it and I wanted to do it it was an ongoing struggle to get some type of stability with them they were resist phul and confused I was not willing to give up I needed to be there regardless of how they acted out they had some emotional problems sorry i was there clean and sober to the system with all medical or psychiatric appointments they needed their model more than anything since I was not all caught up with a man I was able to be there I had abstinence from drugs and men for 10 years I desired a husband but I only wanted him in God’s timing what afternoon i received a call that one of my girlfriend’s had liver cancer I were called my times up I mean I be drug use so I decided to get a medical check-up for hepatitis C my results came back with a diagnosis of renal cell carcinoma a type of kidney cancer I became very weak as the press Nick over hers that I had been sick I call he called me from jail I was not in a place to be mean to him I was very I was a very sick woman and had no right to be mean to anyone he would check on me regularly he appeared to be really concerned I found myself talking to him every day one weekend they called and asked me to bring the children Sofia from tation I honor his request I mean he did consider me at my lowest state only one was a child yet he wanted to see them all Nick got out of jail and was released into a halfway house he worked while living there I had no job at the time I went in and I was a hot stone he gave money every time you see the check I took everything he gave the Fazio me for all the years of hell I gave enough strength to get a part-time job I made enough money through making telephone book rocks Nick started helping me with my lounge he knew that I would be in pain at times due to my health so he assisted me with work one morning I was scheduled for surgery I could not go to work Nick was nice enough to take my route for me and afterwards bring the money Nick not the hospital in route never to return that’s right he never showed up at the hospital no Nick no money clothes and locked I fell to my knees and ask God please remove Nick from me Oh Lord forgive me for going back into the relationship that you delivered them from humbly ask you to do what you did before and deliver me again it was at that moment I realized I was being set up for permanent incarceration or death God was serious about my position in young I would never be able to return to this man or the lifestyle sociated him again I would die it was inevitable inevitable whenever I feel vulnerable the enemy uses next to make an appearance in my life from the very beginning I knew what he was about the fact of the matter is that I cannot live a drug free none of you says law-abiding life down with him in the equation I had to give him up it was in love he is a death sentence to me I have a life and

want to live it God always rescue me through the penitentiary jail had been the answer to my prayers and shine it was my long time with god I was learning or a structure indiscipline I cannot have that that would make in the streets and under the influence that’s why I went with him in darkness and under submission each time I went to jail I got in the Bible i absorb the Word of God my salvation was being worked out each time I spend more time in jail then I did with Nick God knew that if I spent more time with Nick than with him I would be dead today God’s grace and mercy kept me God snapped me out of hell for a time such as this I also know that when I am feeling lonely six needy and vulnerable I am too reliable the Lord whenever I seek outside of God I set myself up for the enemy to rein in my life I knew not to go to visit Nick and Jill I definitely shouldn’t have taken the children it was those ongoing phone conversations that got me in my vulnerable state I invested a lot of time and energy in you I wanted to believe that he would change I felt that Nick old needs something I did not want another woman to claim rights in him after my training and investment I deserve to have the man that he was going to become there was a lot from the pits of hell there was no earthly way Nick could paid me for anything the price has been paid and then is through Jesus Christ I opened the door to him because of the lifestyle I was living being under the influence of chemicals over the door up to very poor choices I opened the doors to situations that were very scary and dangerous my life has become blurred for a revolving door one that killed revolving a lifestyle of drugs Nick and jail it would not stop groping that God made some life changes I wanted to get out but lack the ability to do so I continue to call on God and made small steps which led to stability once again I allowed Nick to assist me with my emotional needs instead of God in the past are you just crying and Nick to get an emotional fix by my being sick he was able to slip through the door again I saw the door was closed hi ever there was a slight crack I knew God was at the head of my life but Nick came in at a time of Sydney vulnerability today I thank God that he is one that has not forsaken me I bring him God for His goodness and His mercy I love God for being my provider and it’s him that I trust I have learned so allow God to be my spores I closed the door by asking God to taste my situation for me and never to revisit it God lost it through my sincerity of not wanting to go back in through the grace of sustaining me I have been clean and sober for 19 years Iowa God to give me a mate that he so desires for me to have he answered my prayers and put me back on track Nick that’s attempted to engage me on several occasions to renew our relationship he does this when he tries to visit our daughter today I know the devil has new no new tricks these are the worst of him who is holy and true who holds the key of David when he opens no one can shut and when he should no one can open Revelation chapter 3 verse 7 30 that concludes because I brought out of chapter five okay all right I will close it here it’s almost 34 minutes I love you guys see you next video the next video unless something comes up perhaps been and are see something on the radar I’m in Luke chapter 12 it’s gonna be good some must see don’t miss it love you guys stay prayed up thanks

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