♪♪♪♪♪ Salt Lake City, Utah, is known for its magnificent mountains And world-class ski slopes Whoo! – Excuse me! I’m here – Oh! ♪♪♪♪♪ I’m excited – There’s also – Darling – …an elite social circle – Aah! This is Hollywood, honey Gorgeous fueled by beauty, wealth, and perfection You can’t buy the tips ’cause my plastic surgeon retired Yeah. [ laughs ] But what Salt Lake City is most known for is the Mormon Church A quick lesson on how to be a good Mormon– don’t drink, don’t swear, treat your body like a temple It is so hard to be a good Mormon [ bell tolls ] – To be Mormon, we are taught honesty and integrity You’re fake. You’re phony That right there was unkind and dismissive Fidelity within marriage You would never hand me your phone It’s inappropriate, and it’s wrong And most importantly, to watch for sin You’re gonna go with Mary, who —-ed her grandfather? ♪♪♪♪♪ Our friendships define us I am here for you no matter what I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t care Our choices can destroy us How could they not be swingers? I can’t stand when people lie Whitney, shut the [bleep] up – She looks insane – I’m done listening to it You think you know who we are but you are wrong – Own it! – I did say that! If you cannot be accountable, we cannot be friends! Someone comes at me like that, I’m about ready to —-ing punch you in the face Can we just start over? In this town, I’m Queen Bee and MVP When you take cheap shots, always expect a hangover This rose isn’t scared to handle a little prick Jealousy is a disease to which I say, “Get well soon.” I love God, but I will read you like a line of scripture Just like my pioneer ancestors, I’m trying to blaze a new trail ♪♪♪♪♪ [ wind whistling ] ♪♪♪♪♪ All right, folks, this food is done Honey, where you at, baby? Babe, did you call me? – Yes, baby – Hi. What are you cooking? Everything ♪♪♪♪♪ Got muffins, croissants, turkey sausage What do you want me to help with? Just be beautiful That’d be more than enough – Mmm. What is this? – Egg whites for the boys Omar, Reefy! Oh, good, you cooked more eggs, ’cause– – Hey! – Hi, baby Hi I moved to Utah when I was about 6, 7 years old I’m originally from Hawaii, so I’m Tongan and Hawaiian and a little bit of Chinese, but people in Utah have no clue what I am In Utah, I’m Black because they don’t know any better Give me a bigger hug Mommy, he hug you too tight, then he gon’ break you My husband is a football coach at the University of Utah I think it takes a certain somebody to be a coach’s wife Most of the time, he is 5 a.m., out the door and midnight at home Baby, thank you for cooking Did you guys say thank you to Daddy and Mommy? Thank you, Daddy Thank you, Mommy – Thanks, Pops. Appreciate that – You’re welcome. I love you Could’ve put some yolks in the eggs, though Why you want yolks? You don’t need all that, man We basically have to FaceTime a lot It’s kind of like a FaceTime marriage if that was a thing Reefy, how’s your training and stuff going? I just got my Advanced Cardiovascular Life Support – Wow – …license Closer to getting a job Get…a…job – Get…a…job – [ laughs ] – I don’t want him to work – Don’t listen to Mom – Don’t let – I want him to focus on – No – …applying to medical school We first met in college We had a class together I saw her My heart stops immediately I walk up to her “Is that seat taken?” She looks at me like “There’s nobody there I guess not.” – That’s how we met – That was our first – Yeah, contact – That’s exactly how we met After that… [ whistles ] But that’s how we started – Omar, how’s school? – Good – How’s your classes? – They’re all good What did you say? He has a girlfriend? – I didn’t say that – No, not a girlfriend – You got a girlfriend? – No – Exactly right – Do you like any girls? My husband Sharrieff is Muslim, but I was raised Mormon, and that’s all I knew until five years into my marriage, I’m like, “Hey, Sharrieff, why don’t you convert to Mormonism?” And he was like, “Are you kidding me?” They didn’t accept Black people into the Mormon Church until, like, 1970-something That’s when I started questioning, you know what?
I cannot sign up for a religion that didn’t accept my husband and my kids That’s the point when I was like, okay, I’m converting to Islam Assalamu Alaikum, bitches! Have you kissed a girl yet? No, Mom If you kiss a girl, you might be like, “Oh, she’s cute.” Guess what? You can contract herpes, probably AIDS No I don’t think that’s true Do you know what sexting is? Yeah, what is that? I don’t know what that is It’s when girls send you dirty messages Oh! – [ laughs ] – You know what that is? – I didn’t know what that is – Oh, my God Omar, if someone sexts you, block them and then come tell me – Okay [ laughs ] ♪♪♪♪♪ [ telephone rings ] Thank you for calling Beauty Lab + Laser This is Nick ♪♪♪♪♪ – Hi, fam – What’s up, partner? How’s biz? – Biz is good – Crazy ♪♪♪♪♪ [ telephone rings ] Gosh, just making money Beauty Lab + Laser This is Nick I have lived in Utah since I was 15 years old The Mormon culture believes that we can be perfect Perfection is attainable. That’s what Mormon doctrine says ♪♪♪♪♪ Because Salt Lake City is the capital of Mormonism, I decided to open Beauty Lab + Laser Majority of our clients have Mormon backgrounds or are active Mormon women It’s just like putting your hand in a river of money, because attaining perfection is a Mormon pastime We started from nothing, and now we’re valued at over $20 million – Hi, Mom! Hey, guys – Hi! Perfect timing. Hi. How are you? I’m good. How are you? – Hi, Mom – Busy day? – Yes, always – Good I am a purebred, pedigreed, pioneer Mormon My ancestors came across the plains as pioneers They settled American Fork, Utah, and Plain City, Utah I married a Mormon man I had three Mormon daughters Every descendant in our line is Mormon – Hi! – Hi! I brought some greasy-faced monkeys for y’all – Yay! Hey, guys – Hi Annabelle, do you wanna go over here, or do you wanna – Uh– – I can go to this one – Okay The family that facials together stays together I married into a family of extreme wealth Howard Hughes comes in, hires my grandfather-in-law as his driver and henchman Howard Hughes loved the Mormons, and when he passed, the Gay family inherited a huge portion of his estate The Gay family is worth billions So I basically married into Mormon royalty, but it all came crashing down when we got divorced five years ago In the Mormon Church, divorce is not an option Are you excited for your birthday, Georgia? – Yes, I’m so excited – I’m so excited – It’s gonna be so fun – 14 years old Any advice for 14? Yeah, stop FaceTiming boys late at night In my personal experience, a good Mormon doesn’t drink, doesn’t smoke, doesn’t have sex, doesn’t swear I’ve tried not to drink, smoke, swear Love rap music, love Black men, love homosexuals Like, all the things that I love and gravitate to are not in alliance with a good Mormon woman I want you to experiment and own your bodies, but I’m not gonna let you drown – Thanks, Mom I’m not Annabelle’s asleep [ laughter ] ♪♪♪♪♪ – Mom, Dad? – Yeah? – Are you guys ready? – Yeah, are you ready? I’ve been ready for the past, like, 15 minutes. Let’s go Okay. Let me get my shoes. Seth? ♪♪♪♪♪ You have high-heeled boots for hiking? These are not high heels It’s like an inch They’re snow boots I feel like those are for Aspen, not Park City Okay, I’m very happy with my boots, so What a lovely day in Park City Gorgeous day Look at the clouds It’s so pretty ♪♪♪♪♪ – How long are we hiking? – Are you already starting with “How long?” – I just wanna know before we’ve even started? I kind of like a business plan We’ll do whatever makes you happy Please Wait. Look at all these cows Remember we were so afraid of the wild animals? – I still am – I love it We first moved to Utah about seven years ago for Seth’s work, and for the last few years, we have been here part-time You guys raised me as a city child I never lived even in a suburb in my whole life You were in a high-rise, weren’t you? – Yeah, of course – Yeah Being Jewish and from Chicago, I was apprehensive to make the move Utah has a certain underlying level of kindness
at least on the front that you will get You don’t get that in Chicago [ laughs ] You do not get that in Chicago It definitely is a calm place for me Seth and I have been married for 24 years We have three incredible children Reid is 23, Chloe is 18, and Brooks, who’s 21, is taking a semester off of college and living at home with me – Do you want some? – Sure which is amazing because he can do my makeup every day #blessed – Dad, how long are you here? – I’m outta here tomorrow – You leave tomorrow? – Yeah That was so fast Trying to build a business, you gotta take some time to feed your soul and charge the batteries, but not a minute longer Seth is living in Chicago right now for business, but I need to be in Utah for my store and for my jewelry design business The busiest season for my store is from mid-December through the end of March We have a large celebrity following– Charlize Theron, Scarlett Johansson, Rihanna The list goes on and on Where should I pull up? Are we here? Make sure you keep talking because wildlife does not like noise Usually, you bring a speaker, honey I can also do a capella Oh, I would love that What do you guys want? ’80s? ’90s? Silence ♪♪♪♪♪ So what’s going on in Chicago? Chasing a whale I’d love to be out here more, but this is a once-in-a-lifetime deal You can never have enough wealth, and you can never have enough sex I’m probably doing much better on the wealth side I’m totally overworked and undersexed Okay. That’s not– That’s not even funny That’s not nice It’s true We’re gonna be truthful ♪♪♪♪♪ – Oh – Oh, wow, look at that That’s, like, a bear That’s not a moose – What is that? – That is not human – Look at the size of that – Oh, my God That’s a large animal, whatever it is If you get a picture of it attacking Brooks, you know how popular? That would go viral – What is wrong with you? – Dad, that’s disgusting You want more followers? – Okay– – Not at the expense of my life – [ laughs ] – Okay, I think I’ve had enough Coming up I’ve been married 21 years Everyone in Salt Lake City knows the story about Mary and her step-grandfather We were kind of arranged marriage – [ chuckles ] – …type It was kind of in my grandma’s will for us to marry Sh–‘s weird, okay? ♪♪♪♪♪ Henry, oh, my goodness Come here You gotta get up soon, ‘kay? Do you want five more minutes? Do you want me to pick out your clothes? – [ whimpers ] No – No? Okay, I’m gonna let you go five more minutes, ‘kay? [ singsongy ] Good morning [ mutters ] [ laughs ] Jack, are you kidding? Okay, oh, you have the worst hair and breath ♪♪♪♪♪ John? Where are you? – Come here [ barking ] John, I feel like Kendle should be wearing an outfit to go out It’s too cold, literally – Let’s put her in a sweater [ dog whimpers ] I am originally from New York At 17, when I graduated from high school, my parents said, “Okay, you need to get out.” So I came to Utah to go to school I was not born into any religion We are Jewish by heritage, Mormon by choice My mom has a strong love of God and wanted that in the lives of her children, so when the Mormon missionaries knocked on our door, she literally was like, “I’ve been praying for you.” Hi, pretty girl Oh, my gosh. You look so pretty John, I love her in this outfit I feel like it depresses her, but she looks so cute – Paw? [ whimpers ] I met John through my older sister They served in LDS mission together – You’ll get a treat – She doesn’t want a treat Oh, my gosh. She looks cute I think my sister might have even had a crush on John, but I can’t blame her We have been married for 16 years, and John and I have two amazing boys, Jack and Henry – I’ll be back in a sec – Okay [ knock on door] – Jack, are you good? – Yeah Okay I own a luxury marketing company, and in addition to that, my husband and I own multiple liquor brands You’ve probably heard of a few We own VIDA Tequila, Ciudad Tequila, Hola Tequila, and we’re currently making a vodka I’m sure other Mormons care that I own a tequila company What’s important is that I don’t Okay, let’s go, you guys Come on Yeah ♪♪♪♪♪ I need a Diet Coke from Sonic
I want you to pay attention – I’m gonna get two new tattoos – Oh, my gosh Oh, my gosh. I hate you Well, I’m gonna do a gorilla and a wolf No, are you insane? Dad, can we just get food? – We’re almost there – Almost there. Yeah I want Taco Bell A Baja Blast, Nacho Fries, and a Cheesy Gordita Crunch – You want Wendy’s? – Yeah I’m gonna get the churro one– the cinnamon one What do you want? [ mouth full ] Pink frosting Here, let Mommy have a cookie [ laughs ] Oh, my gosh. This is so good We’re not traditional parents I don’t cook. I don’t make them breakfast in the morning I think we’ve sat at the dinner table 10 times in our whole life I’m not gonna change for anybody else I like the way I am Just don’t spill, ‘kay? And don’t wipe your hands on the seats [ package rustling ] – Oh, those look so good! ♪♪♪♪♪ ♪♪♪♪♪ – Hi! – Hi, Jen – How are you? – How are you? Good We usually have what she brought Look at this jacket And where’s Heather? She said she’d be here for my appointment Heather and I have known each other for a few years The first time I met Heather, she’s spittin’ rap lyrics, and I’m like, “Wait, what?” You had me at “hello.” I love her I heard that we’re a little sweaty – Yeah, my armpits are sweaty – Yeah I can’t have that when I’m, like, lifting my arm up – No, I cannot… [ laughs ] – And you see sweat rings I cannot have you sweating at all – No – So we’re actually gonna do a little Botox in your armpits – Perfect [ knock on door] – It’s gonna be amazing – What’s up, Boo Boo? – Heather – Yeah. Oh – We’re about to do this – You wanna hold her hand? – You wanna hand hold? Don’t blind me with your bling I’ll hold your hand – All right, here we go – It hurts. I’ve had it done – It doesn’t hurt me – She’s a rock star Jen is the type of customer that wants to try all the latest, greatest procedures I wanna do my knees Okay, I would do it right here ‘Cause that way it’ll pull from the top – I invented a new procedure – What is it? A fat blast shot and CoolSculpting – Oh, it’s a combo – You do it when you CoolSculpt So it’s like burgers and fries – Jen, we’re all done – Thank you so much – We’ll see you next time – When will this kick in? One to two weeks If we don’t have it available, she’s going to point it out to me that Beauty Lab needs to get on it Toast to no more sweats No more sweat. Cheers – Mmm! Okay, really quick – Love your Versace – What’s up? – Okay Meredith’s birthday’s coming up She’s been super stressed out You know, we spent some time together in New York – Yeah – And I was like, “Oh, my gosh We need to do something for your birthday.” – For sure – So what if we transform Shah’s ski chalet Into Studio 54. [ laughs ] With hot male strippers I’m sorry– Don’t you think that would be so —-ing hilarious? You think that’s what Meredith would want? That sounds like a party for me Meredith is very refined and elegant And strippers dangling their junk in her face doesn’t seem like her vibe This is a great idea – Bring it – [ laughs ] Coming up I didn’t know you had gone to school with Heather She was like the one that was like, “Honor Code what?” [ laughter ] – Honor Code like titty flash? So there’s an Honor Code, whoo! ♪♪♪♪♪ Bobbi, come help me put my shoes on Will you bring them to me? I’m gonna be Bridezilla today What do you think of my dress? Growing up in Utah, I wanted the fairy tale Mormon wedding– the beautiful dress with the flowers, surrounded by my friends and family Let’s do this [ strings playing Wagner’s “Bridal Chorus” ] Whoo! ♪♪♪♪♪ Justin and Whitney, we take delight in sharing today’s very special occasion with you You’ve shared the joys, blessings, and, yes, the challenges of married life for 10 years [ record needle scratches ] ♪♪♪♪♪ When I married Justin, I was five months pregnant, and I was wearing my high school prom dress, standing in front of about 50 people who didn’t want us to be together May this ceremony, renewing your vows, heighten your joy in living Justin is 18 years older than me 10 years ago, you rocked my world You challenged me to think for myself When we met, we worked together, so we had this hot office romance that we were trying to hide from everyone, because we were both married to other people Together, we’ve experienced the highest of highs
We’ve experienced the lowest of lows Whitney and I are cousins She fell in love with Justin They had this illicit, torrid affair, and as a result, they were both ex-communicated from the Church I come from a long line of Mormonism In fact, my fourth great-grandfather, Shadrach Roundy, was the bodyguard to Joseph Smith and Brigham Young, so he’s a hero in the Mormon community because he protected the Prophet So I guess you could say it is a very big deal that I’m no longer Mormon But through it all, I’m the luckiest person alive to be married to Whitney —-ing Rose [ cheers and applause ] Let’s go Let’s party. Whoo! – You guys, we did it – We did it! [ laughs ] You ready to party? ♪♪♪♪♪ Thank you so much for coming Congratulations You look gorgeous When Justin and I first got together, our friends and family turned their back on us We’re gonna cut the cake really quick – Okay – 10 years later, they’re finally starting to come back around It makes me feel both resentful and happy because why the [bleep] did it take 10 years? Get me out of this dress What should I put on? You need something you can dance in – Yeah – ‘Cause I can see you itching If I had to choose everything I went through to be with Justin, all of the judgment, all of the criticism, all of the pain – All right! – Whoo! I would do it again because my life is so full ♪♪♪♪♪ Yeah! We’re still standing, bitches [ laughs ] – I’m losing my mind! – [ cheering ] ♪♪♪♪♪ We’ll go by Temple Square first You know where we should go? [ laughs ] We should go to the sushi place Or we can go to Harman’s You wanna go to Harman’s? There’s no time to eat lunch You have a lot of work to do – Don’t you? – You know what? You’re gonna get a Coach Shah pep talk every day until the day of the party to get your mind right – My mind right? Coach Shah will fire you up, and you’ll be ready to go He–He, uh, does a killer job Stuart is my personal and business assistant He just does everything He knows my favorite color, my favorite food – He’ll go get me tampons – I like it He knows when my period is every month Stuart knows everything. He knows more than Sharrieff knows – I’m so excited for the party – It’s gonna be a lot of work – In four days – In four days It’s a tall order The ice sculpture? What happened with the ice sculpture? Um, we changed it– You’re doing the big diamond that I asked for? Yeah, we’re gonna do the big diamond on, like, a pedestal – Cake is the 14– – How tall is this cake? 2 feet? 3 feet? 5 feet? 3 feet. I mean, if you want it to be– Okay, what are we doing for the flavor of the cake? Two layers of chocolate and raspberry, two layers of chocolate with chocolate Who likes chocolate with raspberry? Um I think Meredith–We have to There’s no other choice Okay, I don’t feel comfortable right now with what you just told me Everyone that works for me hates it, but I love throwing big, over-the-top, extravagant parties That’s what I do It’s the unexpected That’s why you’re coming to a Jen Shah party, okay? And that’s what I’m gonna do for Meredith’s birthday party because it’s kind of for me, too – Hi! – Crystal, Stuart and I are just going over details and running some errands and stuff like that downtown – Yes I just wanted to confirm, what is the dress code for our servers? Tuxedo bow, no shirt, tight tuxedo pants – Okay. Did you get the tunnel? – Yes We have red carpet all the way up to the house When they walk in, we have the flower wall They’re gonna do like a step and repeat They’re at, like, the Met Gala at the Shah chalet – Yeah They’re gonna think, “Oh, my God. What’s Jen doing? Oh, she’s just being super extra like normal.” [ laughter ] – “She wants us to take photos before we walk in.” It’s like a club And everything’s gonna be transformed in the house Everything’s covered in white drapes, correct? It’s gonna be all transformed Okay, so there’s a lot to do today. Let’s get going Everybody has their marching orders – Do you wanna go to Harman’s? – No Coming up I got a text from Jen She’s throwing a party for Meredith – She won’t invite me – Oh I wasn’t supposed to mention it to anyone Oh, you wasn’t? [ laughs ] ♪♪♪♪♪ ♪♪♪♪♪ – Claudia – Hi, Meredith There are some cucumbers and carrots in the bags
– In the bag? Okay – …in the refrigerator Let’s just add those on to here Mm-hmm [ knock on door] – Knock, knock – Hi! – Hey – How are you? – Good – Oh, my God – I’m so happy you’re here – I know. Me, too – Oh, lipstick – That’s what good friends do Yes Lisa and I were set up on a friendship blind date, when I first moved to Utah She was very late I mean, she’s a Sagittarius I thought she would be late, too We were there for hours and hours Everybody thinks Meredith and I look alike I think it’s our hair color, our skin color, even our mannerisms [ both laugh ] I take it as a compliment – Is Jen coming over? – Yeah, Jen’s coming, too ♪♪♪♪♪ ♪♪♪♪♪ My God ♪♪♪♪♪ Hi – Hi – How are you? Come in – Jen? – [ gasps ] Hello! – I wore my snowshoes – Yeah, you did – [ laughs ] – Oh, my gosh. Hi, girl I met Lisa Barlow a couple years ago at a Sundance Film Festival event ♪♪♪♪♪ People call me the Sundance Queen If you wanna get into a party at Sundance, you gotta kiss the ring– the Lisa Barlow ring – We need to do a toast – Yes! – Happy birthday week, ladies [ glasses clinking ] – Whoo! Thank you – I love it I met Jen a little bit over a year ago at a party in Salt Lake My first impression of Meredith–I’m not gonna lie [ haughty voice ] “Hello. Oh. How are you? My name’s Meredith Marks.” She is a feisty one “I dress all the celebrities.” I’m so excited for Saturday Is it, like, a big party? Are we thinking something small with us, intimate? No, it–it’s just a small girls’ gathering for cocktails Super intimate [ laughter ] Your face – I die – So low-key I went to lunch last week with Heather I didn’t know you guys had known each other or gone to school and knew each other for 20 years Kind of. I really don’t remember her from school You don’t remember her? She– I was like, wait, I didn’t know that – I don’t remember her – Hey, girl – Hi, babe It’s so crazy with Lisa because we went to college together We’ve known each other for 20 years, you know, and just, like, years of history. Years I always lived off campus, but I used to hear stories I think she was, like, the one that was like, “Honor Code what?” [ laughs ] – [ laughs ] – Honor Code like – ‘Cause there’s an Honor Code – Like titty flash? – Yeah – It’s like, don’t drink, don’t whatever – So I think she was like, whoo! Like, she was fun If I say I know someone, and they’re like, “I don’t know that bitch,” that’s offensive I know I would be pissed off Well, she remembered you I guess we have different recollections Yup ♪♪♪♪♪ ♪♪♪♪♪ Mary How are you? I’m here ♪♪♪♪♪ I’m just freezing from walking in Oh, my God Are your leggings yellow? Yes You have to teach me your ways I will. I will I met Mary a few years ago through her cousin She’s not like anyone I’ve ever met Yeah, I remember when I was little, my grandma was like, “Mary, you don’t have to say everything you think.” She says anything There’s no filter If I said it, I said it Even if it’s not good, I said it She is fabulous and always dressed to the nines In fact, I’m not sure I’ve ever seen her not dressed up This is vintage Gucci, by the way. Did you know that? These are collectors’ from Louis Vuitton Ah, that’s Balmain This is Celine I love this bag Like, I love this jacket ’cause it makes me happy, not because it’s Dolce & Gabbana Ladies, give you a moment with the drink menu What’s your driest Chardonnay? Driest Chardonnay’s probably gonna be the, uh, Selby – I’ll try that – Okay – Um…I’m not drinking – Are you gonna drink? No. I just want brussels sprouts and crab cakes And for you? I’m gonna do the avocado tacos – Avocado tacos. Perfect – Thank you – What’s up with you? – Just had the vow renewal – Oh, you did? – Yes – Oh, I bet that was beautiful – It was awesome What made you…Just your 10-year anniversary or – Yeah – I’ve been married 21 years, so I know Everyone in Salt Lake City knows the story about Mary and her step-grandfather We were kind of, uh, kind of, uh, I would say
arranged marriage type– it was kind of in my grandma’s will for us to marry She said, “If anything ever happens to me, Bobby, “I want you to marry one of my girls because they’ll look out for you.” We’re blessed to this day because of it I don’t give a sh– if it’s your biological grandpa, step-grandpa, sh–‘s weird, okay? I love my grandpas, but I would not want to be married to them, and I’m Mormon, and we have a lot of latitude for a lot of weird sh– They’ll get over it Just digest it [ clank ] – Thank you Those looks good I’ve never had those Thank you For the holiday season, what’s going on in the church? The choir sings carols, and I’ll have to do a Christmas sermon of what I think Christmas is about – Yeah – And I think that Christmas should be Christ-mas – Christ-mas – And… [ laughs ] I am not Mormon I’m actually Pentecostal I am the First Lady of our church It’s called Faith Temple, and it was inherited through my grandmother – In the name of Jesus – [ congregation affirming ] In the name of Jesus, that never lost his power – [ congregation affirming ] – 2,000 years ago, and he still holds the power In the name of Jesus! I don’t like to be called a pastor because that’s, like, an old lady, like Have Your way, God Have Your way! You’ll love it You have to come I know your story’s a little bit different Yeah, no, I don’t have religion in my life I try to stay away from it, but I’ll come to your service Yeah, come. You should come It’s just, I believe in every bit of what I say – You gotta check– – Check in really quick ♪♪♪♪♪ I got a text from Jen. She’s throwing a party for Meredith – Um – She won’t invite me Why don’t you think you’d be invited? Um, she brought up that I talked about her really bad and that she smelled like hospital So Jen and I used to be good Oh, my God. Are those Giuseppe? I would wear those right now I would actually change my shoes – What size shoe are you? – I wear 8 1/2 – Here, these are 8 1/2 – No, I would never do that – No, you wanna see – No! – We’re in the closet – No Yes, you are You gotta try it on. Try it on I’ve never even worn them Oh, my gosh. This is everything I love you Until I said it smelled like hospital I said, “I have a very sensitive smell for hospitals,” and it takes me to a very dark place I could smell it anywhere I was at a restaurant one night, and we were all meeting up, and we were waiting for Jen She came into the restaurant, and she, like, hugged me and laid it all on me, and I I was like… [ gags ] trying to keep my composure, at the same time trying not to let her know I’m sensitive– I can’t–that smell will– I will I’m with my aunt at the hospital all week, who’s like my mother to me We find out she has to get both legs amputated ♪♪♪♪♪ Mary knew what I was dealing with For her to say those comments to me, like you’re just flat out being mean And it also brings back a–a dark place in my mind If I see something, I think something, I say it So…that’s why I told you, I’m not getting invited – I don’t even care. Like– – Oh I just don’t I wasn’t supposed to mention it to anyone Oh, you wasn’t? [ laughs ] Check your phone See if you got a text from Jen ♪♪♪♪♪ Yep. I did I’m really surprised she invited me I honestly did not want to invite Mary to the birthday party because it’s at my house I’m hosting it, but Meredith gave me her invite list, and Mary’s on it See, you were invited [ laughs ] I knew better ♪♪♪♪♪ Coming up Lisa’s like, “Heather was the good-time girl, and she was like, ‘Whoo!'” That is a complete lie I would have loved to have been a good-time girl in college ♪♪♪♪♪ [ reverse alert beeping ] [ horn honks ] ♪♪♪♪♪ I think she had a better attitude – Stuart! – Yeah? Where is everybody? Oh, my God I feel like we need to get this couch up there first No, you guys, if it’s easier in the garage, do the garage – Somebody help him – I got it [ amplified voice ] Everybody, office – [ laughs ] – Right now When this microphone comes out, you know there’s a problem Jarrett, where you going? I also use this for role playing Coach Shah, to the bedroom, please Coach Shah to the bedroom We are at crunch time First thing, so all the outdoor tunnel and all that stuff– do we have everything? Yes, the remaining is arriving very shortly, but the first– Where’s the walls? This is the tunnel, right?
It’s coming on a different truck – Okay – Yep Fabric for the walls is getting sewn? – Yep, in the making – Got it It is very stressful throwing a Jen Shah party But I love doing it I love surprising everyone when they come in ’cause they think they’re gonna come into, like, whatever, “Oh, it’s a cocktail party.” No, it’s the Met Gala in Park City at the Shah ski chalet That’s what this is Hustle! Let’s get this done! [ voice echoing ] Done, done, done, done ♪♪♪♪♪ – What is going on? – [ singsongy ] Hey I just parked, like, 7 miles You need help? Here, let me help Yes, I need help My finger’s, like, cramping – What’s freaking going on? – We’re preparing – Is this all for the party? – Yes. I hope you’re ready – I’m not ready for this [ laughter ] You guys are burning so many calories. I love you ♪♪♪♪♪ My gosh. Girl This is not a party This is, like, inauguration There’s dust on the floor And I’m just thinking, what are we gonna do in June when it’s my birthday? We moved all the furniture out Yeah, I mean, it’s empty And then all the walls– everything’s gonna be draped in white from the ceiling So you’re not gonna see the wood – At all? – No Sharrieff’s down? What does Sharrieff think of this? He’s recruiting, so he doesn’t know anything about this transformation – And we’re gonna have to put all this back together by the time he gets home? Yes Jen Shah parties turn into a grand transformation, okay? I don’t need Coach Shah stepping up in here, asking me questions, asking me how much sh– costs “Where’s the furniture? What happened to our home?” I don’t need all that – I need to fan myself – Are you feeling stressed? If this is you stressed, I mean, it’s working for you Fan me. You’re gonna do it Every have party you have is amaze How did, um, drinks go last night with Lise and Meredith? Lisa’s like “Young and the Restless,” right? So I’m, like, making small talk, and I’m like, “Oh, I had lunch with Heather I didn’t know that you guys have known each other for…” She’s like, “She’s my best friend. I love her so much She’s the coolest girl ever.” I mean, I’m sure that’s what she said Actually, it was the complete opposite Really? She was like, “Oh, we went to school.” She’s, like, “But I didn’t really know her then.” So she made it sound like she didn’t really, like – Know me – Yeah Not like now, but from school That’s–you know how they say it I’m not significant enough to be remembered or be a factor That’s what I always feel from her, just, like, this dismissal – It wasn’t like, right now It was like, “Oh, I don’t– I don’t remember.” “I don’t really remember her What? What was her name? No, no, no memory No memory at all.” – [ laughs ] – “I was amazing All my friends were amazing I don’t remember her.” To say that she doesn’t remember me from college is just a weird thing to lie about I’m not really, like, cool enough? I definitely think Lisa thinks she’s better than me It’s like she’s ashamed to be my friend “I don’t know you You’re not part of my circle.” It’s a diss, and she’s doing that because she’s a bitch “Oh, wait. The only thing I remember is “Heather was like the good-time girl, and she was like, ‘Whoo!'” That’s what she said That’s what she does remember That is a complete lie and a dig That’s “Girls Gone Wild.” That’s a very, like, everyone knows what flashing your titties means It means, “She got around.” Like, girls, if I’d gotten around in college, I would not have ended up married with three kids and divorced You didn’t have sex in college You already told me that I was a virgin when I got married – I know – So “good-time girl”? Those tits flashing got me nowhere – It didn’t do anything – It just makes me mad because I would have loved to have been a good-time girl in college That’s my dream to go back, go to a real school, go to a real sorority, and be a good-time girl, and I’ll flash my tits to whoever wants to look at ’em For Lisa to accuse me of flashing people at BYU, is deeply offensive because in order to even attend BYU, I had to sign an Honor Code that I wouldn’t drink, I wouldn’t smoke All of that was for nothing with Lisa’s lies Listen, listen, I just wanna hold her accountable for saying, “You’re like a sister to me.” Excuse me. You know, have to go sell some more tequila that I don’t drink – She’s–She’s Mormon 2.0 – Own her sh– It’s because she’s Mormon 2.0 Oh, whatever She’s Mormon bullsh– [ laughs ] ♪♪♪♪♪ [ cellphone rings ] – Hi – What’s up? Nothing Like, the floral arrangement florist person, whatever, came, and then I just lit a ton of candles, and my back is in pain – Smells good? – Yeah, it smells good So do you wanna see what the florist did? Yes ♪♪♪♪♪ Brooks, does that look like a coffin to you? – Dad, that’s not funny – [ laughs ] I’m proud of you. Thank you for making that happen So are you gonna come surprise her, or what? No I don’t wanna go to her party alone, though, without you
Uh, well, you could FaceTime me – [ laughs ] [ door closes ] Brooks? – Oh, my God – Bye ♪♪♪♪♪ Oh, my God. [ laughs ] What is going on here? – Surprise – Oh, my God! This is incredible This is beautiful Who did this? Oh, my God. This is– Ohh! It’s insane I know you did all the work Well, that’s good. [ laughs ] I hope you didn’t do that This is so cool It’s a really kind gesture that Seth gave me these gorgeous flowers, and Brooks helped him put this together, but Seth and I have always tried to be together on our birthdays, so I would have much rather had him here in person It’s just a bit disappointing Honey, this is amazing Thank you so much You know what was amazing about today? – What? – Congratulations – I hate it when you do that – [ laughs ] And it’s only for a few months, and then you catch up If I have to tell the truth about my age, I’m 48 years old 35 [ imitating siren wailing ] [ continues imitating siren ] Coming up My aunt is like my mother who raised me But what do you want me to do? Not say, “You smell like hospital” when she gets both legs amputated ♪♪♪♪♪ I just wanted to see the tunnel out here Yeah Oh, you guys, this is perfect This is exactly what I wanted– the red carpet tunnel – Ooh – Do you like this? – This is much better – Okay I know you hate me, but you actually love me [ laughs ] ♪♪♪♪♪ Brooks, could you come zip my dress, please? Oh, my God [ laughs ] This looks so good ♪♪♪♪♪ Happy birthday I love you so much. Thank you ♪♪♪♪♪ We haven’t all been together for a minute I’m least jazzed about hanging with Lisa ♪♪♪♪♪ What are you wearing? I’m thinking of just wearing all black You know I don’t do the cocktail dress thing– like, the tacky, short dresses with the big stilettos? Ew No matter what my zip code is, I’m a New Yorker Like, I’m not dressing like that ♪♪♪♪♪ [ singsongy ] There’s the Barbie! How are you, beautiful? – Good. How are you? – Good. Mwah! ♪♪♪♪♪ [ horn honks ] ♪♪♪♪♪ ♪ Party every day, party, party every day ♪ ♪ Like to party every day, party, party every day ♪ ♪ Party every day ♪ ♪ Party, party, every day, day, day ♪ ♪♪♪♪♪ [ glasses clink ] – Cheers, sweetie [ indistinct conversations ] I heard that ♪ Party every day ♪ Oh, hi! You people, hi You look great. Thank you Looks great. What’s your name? – Brandon – Hi, Brandon. I’m Heather – Hi, Heather. Nice to meet you – Nice to meet you Even though Salt Lake City is the capital of Mormonism, alcohol can be free flowing at parties, and you’ll just have Mormons hiding in the corners drinking and not telling everyone in their lives, and then you’ll have non-Mormons that are excited about an open bar and lining up for their next hit ♪♪♪♪♪ [ singsongy ] Miss Jen – I’m freaking out – Salt It’s amazing. This is fantastic Look at you [ gasps ] Who is it? Uh-oh! ♪ Happy birthday to… ♪ ♪ You? ♪ Wait My birthday was in October, but this is my birthday – We didn’t celebrate – Jen, no, no, no It’s actually Meredith’s birthday – This was your birthday party – I think I told you– It’s Ms. Shah’s party, but it’s not her birthday No, no, no. [ laughs ] Oh, shiz ♪♪♪♪♪ Oh, my God – Go ahead and help yourself – Thank you – No problem. Welcome – Oh, my gosh Hey, how are you?
Wow! [ laughs ] Well, hello [ laughs ] Welcome. Help yourself ♪♪♪♪♪ [ singsongy ] Mary – How’s everything going? – Good – Hi! – Well, hello Did you already say hi to Jen? I haven’t seen her yet Where is she? ♪♪♪♪♪ Wow. [ laughs ] Yes, it’s my birthday, but the reality of it is I knew this wasn’t a party for me ♪♪♪♪♪ Hello! – [ singsongy ] Hello! – Hi! – How are you? – Happy birthday – Thank you. Thank you – Look how fabulous You match the décor, like, perfectly Well, you know, and my brand color. Thank you – So fabulous – Hi It’s good to see you – Is Seth coming? – No, he’s in Chicago for work Justin would never miss my birthday I wouldn’t allow him to miss my birthday [ clicks teeth, makes whipping sound ] [ laughs ] ♪♪♪♪♪ Have you seen Lisa yet? Is she here? Yeah, I’ve seen her. I haven’t gone up to say hi yet You know, I wanna give her a moment – Yeah – …to parade around with the not arms in your jacket vibe So…it’s very Joan Collins [ singsongy ] I love your jacket – Thank you – Love your cane Mwah. Love your hat Love your hair Love your whole everything Love this – This is Valentino, runway – It’s gorgeous I’m just gonna let her come to me. She didn’t– She told Jen she didn’t remember me and that we weren’t really friends So I’m just gonna wait till she’s, like, lonely girl at the party, then be like, “I’m sorry What was your name again?” – Cheers to us – Cheers Mmm. So wait Where is our host at? I think she’s still getting ready Yeah. [ blows air ] [ blows air ] – You guys, is there food-food? – I hope so – I want food – I know I wanna eat Looks like there’s some appetizers over there Well, those guys are naked No, we don’t want pubic hair in our food, like – [ laughs ] – I’m kidding ♪♪♪♪♪ I’m eating a lollipop How many licks does it take? Ohh Bitches, get ready to party [ indistinct conversations ] ♪♪♪♪♪ Hey The real Jen Shah is here! – Hi! – It’s my girl! [ cheering ] Welcome to the party, babe! – I love it! – Aah! I would never make a grand entrance at a party I’m throwing for someone else Oh, my gosh, I love it It should be about the person you’re throwing the party for We have a special surprise all the way from the Polynesian islands Ladies, make way for the dancers [ cheering ] Jen! Oh, my gosh! [ cheering ] – Look at this! – Whoo! I flew in dancers from Tonga because I wanted to incorporate my heritage Tongan dancers really have nothing to do with Meredith They have everything to do with me [ cheers and applause ] ♪♪♪♪♪ – Hi, girly – Hello there – How’s everything? Hi! – Hi, honey – Hey – Hi. Good to see you Okay I was just gonna go in for a hug Did Lisa just blow me off? – Hi! – Hi! – Hey – How’s it going? – Good to see you – Great I definitely think Lisa thinks she’s better than me It’s dismissive, and it makes me question, Is it because I’m divorced? Is it because I don’t fit the mold? Is it because Lisa’s only friends with, like, perfect Mormons? ♪♪♪♪♪ Coming up You said, “It smells like hospital in here.” “Jen smells like hospital.” No, you said, “It smells like hospital.” – You just be quiet – That hurt me Are you done? ♪♪♪♪♪ Whoo! ♪♪♪♪♪ Aah! Good to meet you Sorry, I’d shake your hand, but I spilled tequila all over it What is Miss Thing doing over her? – Oh, Mary – There’s a crack Okay. [ laughs ] Don’t let me fall in it. [ laughs ] – So – Is this Valentino? – Mm-hmm – Of course it is No, I knew it was But no, I wanted to So…are we good? That’s what I wanted to ask you? We talked, and I told you about my aunt I have a bad, dark place going to hospitals I told you I had 12 surgeries getting all my odor glands removed The worst experience of my life, like dark. Very dark
I mean, they lost me twice Literally, I was dying on the table two times, and so that smell– I don’t care if I need a nose job, I am not going to the hospital My aunt just got both legs amputated at the last minute So when you said, “It smells like hospital in here,” you were just being mean – But who did I say that to? To–When we were sitting at the table, me, you, Meredith Stuart and Keri were there And I said, “You smell like hospital.” You said, “It smells like hospital in here.” – And Keri– – Okay, but I said, “Jen smells like hospital”? No, you said, “It smells like hospital.” – Who told you this? – “I could smell it when you were sitting over here at the table.” Keri ♪♪♪♪♪ Take accountability for your words and your actions and apologize to me, but she can’t do it – Was Keri there that night? – Mm-hmm And that’s why I was hurt ’cause I was like, my aunt just got her legs amputated, and I never actually went into the hospital Where’s Keri? Where’s Keri? So that’s why I was like, why are you so mean? – Being mean? – This is my nephew Is that what you’re asking? Am I just being mean? No, that’s– when you made the comment – No – Why are you saying that? I’ll have one. Thank you ♪♪♪♪♪ When did I say this to her? Hi. We’re talking about the mix– Were you the one that told her that I said she smelled like hospital and sick people? I absolutely did What was your point in doing that? You said that to me I did say that I sure did say that – But what was your point? – She’s my best friend And you smell like it, too I smelled you that night, too So what about it? I just smelled hospital. That’s all It wasn’t to be mean So what was your point in saying that? – Can you just be quiet? – Oh, [bleep] off, Mary Okay, are you done? ‘Cause you can leave You’re not even a part of this – Oh, I am part of it – You can excuse yourself – [bleep] off – No, we called her over here because we were all there that night Okay, so we’re not gonna be disrespectful My aunt is like my mother who raised me But what do you want me to do? Not say, “You smell like hospital” when she gets both legs amputated I don’t know what you want me to do about your aunt Her legs are gone Why are you getting your legs cut off at 60? That means your diet’s bad You know, just, like, she didn’t eat right Like, drink water Like, okay, forget it That hurt me I have a dark place with that smell I’ll be back ♪♪♪♪♪ Bitch, don’t —-ing respect my —-ing family! ♪♪♪♪♪ This season on “The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City” Who’s laughing at me right now? I’ll cut a bitch [ bell tolls ] Whoo! The culture here in Salt Lake City is designed to be perfect ♪♪♪♪♪ Now! Now! If you follow all the Commandments, you’ll be not only wealthy – Feeling like a Ferrari – Oh, my God! – …you will be blessed – Oh, Hallelujah Oh! ♪♪♪♪♪ You have to work on your 10 Commandments – Wait, what? – Unh-unh – Cheers – Wait I’m in the bedroom below you guys, so if you do have sex – Okay. Really? – No – …don’t do it We’re observing Mormon laws ♪♪♪♪♪ But what people don’t know about Salt Lake City is there’s a lot of dark brewing under the crust of perfection – You’re Black, just a reminder – I am Black Okay, well, what about it? Well, why would you say something like that? [ voice breaking ] She makes these racist comments, and I’m like, “What is wrong with you?” You would never hand me your phone Don’t even start I don’t belong– Because you’re hiding something If you’re not getting it from home, you’re going to go somewhere else I don’t know if it’s going to work, but I know this is not working The last thing a dad wants is to call his daughter and tell her, “I’m a drug addict.” You have a problem with me, and until you figure out what it is that I trigger in you, thumbs up ♪♪♪♪♪ Bitch, the tea’s gonna mother—-ing come out! She’s been playing every single one like a fiddle – Keep coming. Who’s next? – Coming? No I’m kind of scared for her Why would you even do that? I could have done it! We didn’t want that to happen! Oh, my God. This girl– she hates my guts – Don’t do that to me, Meredith – Goodbye Do you want me to talk or not? – Don’t wave your finger – And don’t get ghetto That is ridiculous! – Thank you. I’m disengaging – Please! I hold myself to a high standard If you don’t want the same standards, go away ♪♪♪♪♪