MATT: Hello everyone, and welcome to tonight’s episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons & Dragons. Travis is in-transit, don’t freak out. He’ll be here in just a moment. He’s making his way here from– LAURA: He’s busy this week SAM: He couldn’t stand to face Laura LAURA: That’s right MATT: Well, if he knew what was good for him Before we get into tonight’s episode, let’s go into some quick announcements. First and foremost, our fantastic returning sponsors for this campaign, our friends, our dear family at D&D Beyond. Sam SAM: Everybody, our trip to the UK changed us in a lot of ways. We were exposed to the European culture and that area of the world. We fell in love with it. Tonight, there’s so much to talk about that I’m going to need some help. Everyone knows Matt’s Scottish accent is top notch, but I’ve been studying with a dialect coach that I found on Craigslist and I think I’m ready to unveil my Scottish brogue. Now, because it’s so accurate, Matt’s going to translate what I’m saying. I’m going to be saying things in traditional, accurate Scottish about D&D Beyond that he’ll translate into American English TALIESIN: I’m weirdly on-board SAM: Okay, here we go. (exaggerated Scottish accent) Hallo, ya bonnie lassies and laddies! Don’t be a wee dafty. Ma kelly ann’s been haverin how D&D Beyond is the maest braw app up tae hae though MATT: (pause, laughter) D&D Beyond is proud to announce the continuation of the Waterdeep campaign. Dungeon of the Mad Mage is out tonight at 9:00pm Pacific SAM: Nae! I cannae be aff ma heed! It’s Taps Aff cos eh D&D and Magic: The Gathering, ya numpty! MATT: The long-awaited Magic: The Gathering / D&D crossover, Guildmaster’s Guide to Ravnica, also drops tonight at 9:00pm Pacific time SAM: Haud yer wheesht and nick it now or yer fit to be getting skelp, ya herpuin jobbie MATT: You can get both at dndbeyond.com/marketplace SAM: (regular voice) Oh, it’s my turn! Oh no, that’s your line. Wait, that’s my line. Okay (exaggerated Scottish accent) What ya doin the weekend? Jings! You’re a right hoodie dobber, ye are, pure walloper–oot yer nut! MATT: D&D Beyond is hosting a two-day streaming event this Friday and Saturday at Gamehole Con to benefit Extra Life SAM: Ach! Where are Jock Tamson’s bairns? It’s quality! I’m pure scunnered. (regular voice) I looked these words up! They’re real MATT: Both days will feature three, four-hour sessions from 7:30am– 7:30pm to 10:30– SAM: a.m.! MATT: All? Wow! From 7:30am to 10:00pm with special guests raising money for a special cause LIAM: It’s throwing him that badly MARISHA: Yeah [hat plays tinny, high-pitched “Scotland the Brave”] SAM: Okay. (exaggerated Scottish accent) Call me doonie, get on yer trolley and heed over to twitch.tv/get-fooked-ya-clatty-radge-wee-shite! MATT: Be sure to tune into twitch.tv/dndbeyond to check it out [hat music continues] MARISHA: That was not what I was expecting! LAURA: Does it ever stop? SAM: (regular voice) I don’t know when it stops! LAURA: Help! Make it end! SAM: Don’t press it again; it’ll start again! Maybe it’s winding down. Ah! LAURA: Yay! MATT: Thank you, Sam SAM: Well, you know. We love London, we love UK, we love it all MATT: My distant ancestry is extremely pleased with your performance. Thank you, D&D Beyond, as always LIAM: What is “to high doh?” SAM: “To high doh,” to high, though. It means something? All these words are real. “Up to high “doh” means a lot? I don’t know! MATT: Guide to Ravnica. The next episode of All Work No Play will debut this Friday at twitch.tv/criticalrole at 7:00pm Pacific. This week, Liam and Sam are building a custom MAME cabinet with Felicia Day and our fantastic Director of Events, Brittany Walloch. MAME cabinets, something I’ve been chasing my whole life, and finally there is one in my vicinity SAM: Felicia joins us MATT: Awesome. Check that out Friday. Also, through the month of November, and in celebration of Veterans Day, we’re raising money for Travis’ favorite charity, Operation Supply Drop. We’ve talked about it before. We put up the account, you guys have already raised a tremendous amount of money for this. As much as we can get the word out before the donation period closes, continue to help them. Operation Supply Drop has already helped over 750,000 members of the military community since its inception. It continues to support active military members, veterans, their families. It’s amazing, the work they do. We’re big fans of everything they do. Check out all the
information to donate now at critrole.com/osd Also, both the standard and deluxe editions of our second art book, The Chronicles of Exandria, Legend of Vox Machina, will be on sale via pre-order this coming Monday, November 12, at 9:00am Pacific. This art book contains art from our fantastic, beloved community of critter artists. They’ve all put it together with love and joy and I’m super proud of it. These guys, like, died to get it done. The number of artists– you guys did incredible work. We’re excited for you guys to check it out, and super excited to announce, for our European critters, the art book will be shipped out to our brand new fulfillment center.in the United Kingdom that we just set up! A lot of hard work to finally get a fulfilment center that side. This will drastically reduce shipping costs and delivery times for our European family out there. Super stoked to have this finally functional. We’ll have more details to that available on Monday morning when all this goes on sale SAM: Should I translate what you just said for our Scottish audience? MATT: Do I have a choice? SAM: No LIAM: I’m going to show off an image from inside the book. This is the standard, by the way. Matteo Scalera, an artist that I fell in love with reading the Black Science comic book. He’s fucking amazing and the cover is– SAM: That’s the standard? LIAM: This is the standard SAM: Holy shit, that’s good LIAM: This book is so beautiful. Show that thing off and I’m going to find a picture TALIESIN: Yeah, this is the beautiful deluxe edition which comes with a little ribbon and you can see this wonderful cover art with Vecna in the center and the four gods depicted in the corners all cowering before his might MATT: The four major deities that were involved in that final arc LIAM: I’m going to show off a little Ioun. Look at this! LAURA: Oh my god! TALIESIN: Who are these lovely kids right over here? LAURA: Oh my god! TALIESIN: It’s right there MATT: Just like that, it goes away. Look forward to the information about that this coming Monday at critrole.com. I believe those are all of our announcements, and with that, let’s go ahead and jump into tonight’s episode of Critical Role [TV static, click] [groovy Critical Role theme] MATT: Hello everyone, and welcome back. Last we left off: The Mighty Nein, after making a daring escape from the Temple of the False Serpent on the island of Urukaxl had managed to nearly drown in the escape, make their way through the jungle being chased by both yuan-ti and the lizardmen denizens of this island. Making their way to the shore just in time to have the actual pirate ship, the Squalleater, there to defend you. Firing various heavy cannonballs towards the creatures which had given chase and allowing you to escape on the boats to safety. Upon reaching the top of the ship you found that the Mistake has been repaired enough to be seaworthy, though it does need some more intense repairs. Your supplies are relatively low, and it looks like the current goal is to find your journey westward to the island of Darktow which has been wiped– from your knowledge– wiped from the Clovis Concord’s control many years ago and currently resides as the center of all piracy in the Lucidian Ocean. As you all went to rest for the evening, Fjord– who
will be here shortly, so I can continue to embarrass him– had an evening’s conversation with Captain Avantika, in which it was discussed his past history with his childhood father figure, who also seemed to have a history with Avantika as well and is somehow rolled in with this strange Uk’otoa phenomenon. It also came to light that this shipwreck which gave Fjord his powers might have a connection, based on the Captain’s intuition, with where this third and final sphere may lie, and it was decided between the two of them that this may be the next goal, beyond Darktow, to pursue. After which, they fucked LAURA: (screaming) (laughter) MATT: While that era of the story is transpiring, I want to ask you guys, since we have a moment here– LIAM: While they’re fucking? MATT: Or in the loose, wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey period of figuring things out as you recover from the intense return to the ship. What would you like to do? Is there anything you want to check up on? First of all, everyone leveled up to seven LAURA: Did we get a long rest after? MATT: This would be the long rest– for everyone but Fjord, I guess SAM: Nice. This isn’t the next few days of our sailing adventure, this is that night? MATT: This is that night. We will then begin to embark on what that journey will be, but if there’s anything you wish to do before the evening’s done TALIESIN: I already gave my shade, I’m done Honestly, that was all I needed LIAM: I would try to locate Caduceus on the boat, actually. I don’t know if he’s hiding or not TALIESIN: Oh, I’m in my room because I was– is this before Fjord came back? MATT: We can say this is while Fjord is out TALIESIN: Okay, so I’m in my room LIAM: I will go to where he is on the boat and– (knocking) TALIESIN: Hey, Mister Caleb. Good evening LIAM: You look– TALIESIN: Battered LIAM: Tired as I feel. Do you have a moment? TALIESIN: Sure. What can I do for you? LIAM: May I come in? TALIESIN: Oh, yes. Of course LIAM: (clears throat) I feel a little poorly for the time you have been having, traveling with us It was not a very good day. It’s been a string of bad ones, in fact, and I am grateful to have you along with this group because we get hurt a lot and stick our noses places maybe we shouldn’t. You have been very helpful TALIESIN: I think I’m coming to the realization that perhaps I was not entirely clear on what I signed up for, but I don’t think that means that it’s the wrong path. I’m getting used to the idea that it wouldn’t be a test if it were easy LIAM: Is it your intention to continue on with us? TALIESIN: I… I joined your group of friends– I guess our group of friends, now– as a testament of faith, and it would be a disservice to that faith to turn around because it’s hard. If it’d have been easy, I suppose I wouldn’t have been needed to be called to it. I’ve been thinking a lot about it. Jester gave me a lot to think about, to be honest LIAM: Well, sometimes acts of good faith deserve to be rewarded, when they can. I wanted to give you something that will make your time with us a little bit easier, I suppose. I start to pull the periapt out and untie it. This– you know, I’m always so far back away from– I hear you, Laura, in my peripheral, I hear you. I’m always very far back anyway, this isn’t doing me much good, and
it’s better that you stay up more than I stay up because if you go down, that’s it. This is a little bit of extra protection– anyway TALIESIN: Mister Caleb, do you believe in fate? There are lots of different kinds of fate; I know that’s a heavy question, but do you believe that we are driven towards something by things that are greater than ourselves? (background music) LIAM: I don’t know. I would like to think not, but I don’t know TALIESIN: There are times that I think about the cruelties of the world and the things that have been put upon me and my family, and I would hate for that to be a plan, and there are times when, like today, I’m very grateful for being in the right place at the right time to make sure that the right people are becoming strong in ways they need to be. I don’t think that excuses the pain, I don’t think that you have to– I don’t know, I don’t think that you have to not care about it or fight it with everything you’ve got, but I think the world is shaping you into something important, and I want to make sure that you get to wherever you need to be LIAM: That’s a pretty big matzo ball TALIESIN: You won’t have to work very hard at it, I imagine. I think just being you wherever the world puts you will do just fine LIAM: If you have this– this is magic, by the way TALIESIN: I can tell LIAM: Here you go TALIESIN: Thank you LIAM: I help you, that makes it easier to help all of us TALIESIN: I promise I will continue to help you all. Even when we’re not the best of people, I feel like we’re still moving towards something that’s good and worthwhile, and I’m feeling the struggle’s in my way to bring us to where we need to be LIAM: Welcome to the Nein TALIESIN: I’m honored LIAM: Okay, I feel like shit, so I’m going to go to bed TALIESIN: Thank you for this, I won’t forget it (chair scrape) MARISHA: Just like Fjord (laughter) TALIESIN: Meanwhile, one hour later LIAM: Rolling them double ones MATT: You get to remove that item, and you get to add it to your– TALIESIN: I’m adding which item? LIAM: Periapt of wound closure. It just feels right that it’s with you SAM: What does it do? LIAM: Makes it harder for him to die. It was Molly’s MARISHA: I’m going to go to Caleb when he gets back. (knocking) Caleb! Caleb! Caleb! LIAM: Where’s my owl? MARISHA: Oh, right! It doesn’t drown, it’s amazing. It’s like it’s magic or something. We had good times LIAM: You have three or four more days, if you want MARISHA: Do I?! LIAM: Yeah, I– MARISHA: Can you do me a favor? MATT: Pocketed MARISHA: Pocket owl. Right next to my bacon LIAM: iOwl MARISHA: I got this red feather from Nila– and I don’t know, when she handed it to me, she was like– very deliberate on how she handed it to me Will you just see if it’s magic? LIAM: You want to know if this is something? Do you have a moment? MARISHA: Yeah LIAM: Okay. I will cast Identify on this MATT: It is not magical, it is sentimental LIAM: Ja, that’s a feather. That’s just a feather. It’s good looking, though MARISHA: Tie it to my staff. I’m not disappointed LIAM: Okay MARISHA: I’m not disappointed! LIAM: Are you good? MARISHA: I’m– bye. I’m going to go to bed LAURA: Can I pull out Sprinkle? MATT: Okay. As you reach back into your waterlogged hood of your coat, you hear this tiny
little (coughing) and there you pull out this extremely waterlogged and unhappy crimson weasel (chittering and coughing) LAURA: You’re so tough, Sprinkle. I’m going to squish his little cheeks MATT: He pees in your hand LAURA: Oh, thank you. Okay, go right to your– stay there. Don’t drown, okay? Then I’m going to look for Beau, but she’s not around, so then I’m going to go look for Nott SAM: I’m drinking MATT and LAURA: Where are you drinking? SAM: I don’t know where. Are we all staying in the room or do we have a couple of rooms? MATT: There are three rooms between the group, I think, that have been given to you and the people that have been moved to the Mistake SAM: Let’s say that I’m drinking on the deck of the ship LAURA: Oh good. I was on the deck of the ship, too. How perfect. Hey, Nott SAM: Hi LAURA: Hi. Are you super wasted? SAM: I’ve got a good buzz on LAURA: Okay. I have a question for you SAM: Yeah? LAURA: Have you– I mean, I think you have because you said you were, like, into somebody before. Have you ever kissed a boy? SAM: Hmm MARISHA: That was the cutest LIAM: It’s pretty cute SAM: I’ve kissed a boy LAURA: Yeah? What was it like? SAM: Excuse me? LAURA: What was it like when you kissed him? SAM: Have you never kissed someone? LAURA: No, well– SAM: You’re related– your mom is a master of sexuality– LAURA: I was asking what it was like when you kissed someone. That’s all! SAM: Because you haven’t done it LAURA: Well, I didn’t know if it counted SAM: Oh. Well, what was the situation? LAURA: I was drowning SAM: Oh, you mean today? Oh! LAURA: Does that count, though? SAM: Okay. Well, I mean, let’s take a look at this. Your lips pressed against each others’ LAURA: Yes SAM: It meant something LAURA: Yeah SAM: How did it make you feel? LAURA: Like I wasn’t dead SAM: Yeah. Alive. That is the feeling. Did it make your heart beat faster than, you know, being completely stopped how it was LAURA: Yeah, I think so. I mean, it’s not dead SAM: If I had to do my first kiss over again, I would want all of those things LAURA: Really? SAM: Yes! That’s the best first kiss. It’s someone you care about– LAURA: Well, I didn’t know if it counted SAM: It means something. You’ll remember it forever LAURA: I will. I will remember the after part of it, you know? SAM: Oh yes LAURA: I was a little struggling in the beginning part SAM: Well, yes. Afterwards, I don’t know if you felt this way, you just can’t stop thinking about it and you just feel the soft pressing against you and almost taste him just for a little bit and it doesn’t go away for a while LAURA: I think his tusks are growing back SAM: You felt a little– LAURA: Just a little bit of tusk! SAM: Ooh! LAURA: Yeah! What was your first kiss like, though? SAM: It wasn’t as romantic. It was just a dare LAURA: Oh, really? SAM: Yes LAURA: With who? SAM: I don’t know. Just someone. I don’t even remember too much LAURA: That’s weird. You said you never forget it SAM: I sure did. It was just– you know? I was pretty young and kids just saying like, “Oh, you “kiss each other and you kiss each other now.” Just one of those types of games LAURA: I think kids do that sort of stuff a lot SAM: I think so too, but I don’t remember his name LAURA: Oh. Do you remember the softness of his lips? SAM: I do. Yes. It was a good day LAURA: Yeah, today’s pretty cool too SAM: Well, do you think things will change now between you?
LAURA: Oh, no. I mean, he might have a big crush on me now, you know? SAM: Are you interested? LAURA: Oh, I don’t know, you know? SAM: Well. Sometimes, boys like– Why am I telling you all this? Your mom’s a lady of the night! LAURA: Yeah, I know! SAM: Sometimes boys like it if you are a little bit aloof. A little bit cold to them afterwards like maybe they did something wrong and they don’t even know what it was LAURA: Really? SAM: Yes! LAURA: Like, the play the games? SAM: Yes! Just a little bit of like– just keep them guessing like “Did I say something? Did I do “something? Was I a bad kisser?” LAURA: Okay SAM: That would put him on the defensive where you want him LAURA: That’s right! SAM: Then you cut his throat and fucking kill him! I’m just kidding about all that. I don’t know LAURA: Okay. Because I don’t want to do that– SAM: No! Of course not! He’s our friend LAURA: Okay. Well, all right! Have fun with your flask, okay? SAM: All right, I will LAURA: I’m going to go write in my journal SAM: Have fun drawing LAURA: Okay MATT: As everyone concludes their evening activities, the journey, looking at the map and the distance, is about 800 miles to Darktow from Urukayxl TALIESIN: (intones theme from Pirates of the Caribbean) MATT: Yeah, essentially. The ship normally– LIAM: Jesus Christ! SAM: We should solve this at some point, right? We should get some bean bags or something? LAURA: We should probably just rotate it. Maybe if you would roll it the other direction, it straightens it out. Did you know that? MARISHA: Put in under my– okay MATT: Now it’s not centered. Whatever. It’s fine You guys deal with your map. It’s not mine. It’s your map. Do what you want. Not my responsibility! Your ship is actually traveling faster than it normally was as part of the blessing that Avantika received. It can achieve about 55 miles– SAM: An hour?! MATT: No. An entire day of travel which is a bit faster than a general sailing ship which is why the Mistake can go faster, but they’re a pair You’re looking at about 14 days of travel MARISHA: To Darktow? MATT: To Darktow, yeah MARISHA: 14 days?! MATT: Welcome to being on the open seas, man MARISHA: Oh shit! MATT: They don’t have bullet trains in D&D. You have 11 days of supplies. There will have to be some sort of supply stop or a way of handling that TALIESIN: I have a thing called Create Food and Water LAURA: I do too TALIESIN: We can mix it up with the normal food so it doesn’t taste as bad MATT: That is going to make this journey not an issue when it comes to supplies. Look at that (singsong) Divine magic TALIESIN: Teamwork! MATT: You don’t have to stop then. All right, great! TALIESIN: So sorry. We just burned an entire encounter like, “Yeah! Fuck whatever Matthew made.” SAM: Is food and water the only thing we need? Do we need any other supplies to make this trip? I don’t know MATT: Not to get to Darktow. At Darktow, there will be repairs made to the other ship and possibly some small repairs to the ship for its journey and any other supplies you would need while there. It’s a 14 day journey at full speed During this time, a couple of things. One, you guys can decide to, if you want to, learn how to run a boat MARISHA: I would like that very much MATT: That being the case, we get to decide what types of skill sets you want to pick up on out here in the ocean. That being the case, we have the quartermaster. Quartermaster is the one who has the most authority other than the captain of the ship. They take over if the captain is unable to. They divvy up plunder or whenever you board a prized vessel, they decide what to take and what to leave. They generally helm that whole process there, as far as pirate ships are concerned. There is the navigator or the sailing master LIAM: Dibs MATT: You do have Orly hired to do that for you, but Orly can also train one of you to be a backup in case Orly– TALIESIN: I was about to say anything like being able to go by the stars or otherwise is something I might be able to do very well MATT: You can both train under him if you want to You can overlap LAURA: You do have memory– LIAM: I know which direction is north at all times. I don’t forget anything. I’m real smart in-game TALIESIN: Fair LIAM: Just in the game TALIESIN: Just lording that rap battle over me Okay, that’s fine MATT: We have the boatswain. Boatswain is in charge of the ship itself. You know, keeping it in top shape for travel and battle. They handle looking over the wood, the canvas, the ropes,
making sure that everything’s solid and functional. They lead shore parties for supplies and repairs and oversee activities like dropping and weighing the anchor, setting the sails, cleaning the deck, things like that. Start thinking of things you might be interested in There’s the cooper, which makes and maintains barrels for storage, food and water. There’s the carpenter, which is the one that actually repairs the ship’s structural integrity when it takes damage. They answer to the boatswain. They keep the hull, the masts, and the yardarms functional There’s the master gunner who organizes the placement of shot, powder, the fuse and aiming the ship’s cannons. All right, so, Nott’s going to want to train as the master gunner. And, of course, powder monkey, which is the next one below who basically runs all the stuff SAM: Powder monkey? MATT: Powder monkey SAM: Maybe I’ll apprentice as that first? MATT: Apprentice as powder monkey and, should it be needed, you’ll become, hopefully, a good master gunner. Those are the most important aspects Everyone’ll learn a little bit about sailing as you go, but start getting an idea, if you want to right now, which one of those you’d want to specifically begin to focus on LAURA: What does the boatswain do again? SAM: Manager of the ship. Like the office manager, right? Keeps it running? MATT: Yeah, makes sure that all the canvas, the ropes, the wood, everything’s in good condition TRAVIS: I have experience being a quartermaster, so I’ll do that as well LAURA: Oh, okay SAM: He said quartermaster, not boatswain LAURA: I guess I’ll do the boatswain stuff? I feel like I’ll be really bad at it MATT: We’ll find out. Train as the boatswain Which, actually, to that point, the next morning, as everyone begins to go about the first real day out here in the Lucidian Ocean, clear blue sky with dappled bits of cloud around you, the smell of sea salt and foam and spray making its way as it splashes across the front of the bow, Avantika catches up to you with Vera being called up to the side. She goes, “Vera, if you’d be so kind, I would like to call– let’s say the utmost members “of the crew, please, to the deck. Maybe some of your friends as well.” TRAVIS: Of course, I’ll bring them up MATT: As you all gather on the deck, Avantika goes, “I appreciate all of the hard work you’ve “put into this, my crew and yours. As we are making our way back it is important that we properly “balance as we endeavor here and make sure that both training that has been inquired about is “properly disseminated, and, out of curiosity, and with no disrespect to you Vera, I will be “replacing you as the ship’s quartermaster until we return to Darktow with our Captain Tusktooth.” Vera looks taken aback and briefly offended, and then, “But of course, my captain.” “Quartermaster, “time to start paying attention.” TRAVIS: Indeed MATT: She begins to divvy out responsibilities to the rest of you in the various positions that you requested to start learning. Some elements of the journey have you moving over to the Mistake, some have you moving back, especially for the repairs elements, whoever decides they want to be the carpenter. Unless none of you want to. That’s up to you SAM: You’re strong LAURA: I’m strong, maybe I should be the carpenter! SAM: Do you have any– LAURA: I’ve got no SAM and LAURA: Nothing MATT: It’s up to you MARISHA: What was that cooper position? Barrels? MATT: Makes and maintains barrels SAM: Hey, you’ve been around barrels your whole life! MARISHA: I already know how to make a barrel LAURA: Do you want to be the boatswain? TALIESIN: I was thinking the one where you actually have to go out and find supplies. I might be really good at that MATT: That is the boatswain TALIESIN: Yeah, I’ll take the boatswain LAURA: Okay, then I’ll do the carpenter MATT: There we go. Note that somewhere on your character that those are the positions you’re training on this journey. All right, cooper, got it MARISHA: Making barrels SAM: I’m the gunner! Well, the powder monkey MATT: Powder monkey for now SAM: For now. Working my way up MATT: A few days into this journey, we’ll say because you’re training as the carpenter– LAURA: Yes! MATT: Jester, the Mistake is keeping in time with the Squalleater and you’re brought– it slows down a bit and you’re brought over to the opposite side and there, looking around, you wander under the deck and find, at one of the tables, Waldok, who’s one of the deckhands of the ship. He’s currently sitting at a table with a large tankard of really rough grog or ale, biting his lower lip, and he
has his sleeve pulled up and you can see Orly has this unique bowstring of some kind that’s wrapped between two fingers, an inkwell, and a needle that’s tied up in it, and he’s currently halfway through doing this really good-looking, elaborate tattoo across the arm of this deckhand LAURA: Whoa! MATT: He’s got his patch over his eye, right up against one of the portholes where the light’s coming through and he’s using it for perspective, and he’s lording over this smaller, thin human, and glances over, “Oh, hey there.” LAURA: Can I go stand over his shoulder and stare at what he’s doing? MATT: Yeah, you keep watch and he’s doing this curled mermaid that is coming up and, on one hand is holding on at the hip and the other is picking a fruit off of a tree. You begin to question the design a bit and Orly says, offhand, “It’s what he requested.” LAURA: Why are you having a mermaid pick fruit if she’s in the water? MATT: He’s sitting there going like, “(grunting) Well, I had a rough fight with some scurvy a few “years back and a few things I like the idea of ladies in the sea that can save me from scurvy.” LAURA: Oh, that’s really smart. It’s very meaningful MATT: Orly chuckles under his breath. It’s very well done, and you can see now the other tattoos that are across his body were probably done by him on himself LAURA: Hey, Orly, I’m training to be a carpenter, did you know? MATT: “I wasn’t aware, actually, but m-m-maybe you should ask around for the man who’s doing the “repairs around this place.” LAURA: Yeah, I will definitely do that, but I also want to learn how to do tattoos. Can you teach me that? MATT: “I can try and teach you some of–” LAURA: I’m a really good artist, Orly MATT: “– m-m-my skills. However, I got a specific talent with some of this here.” LAURA: Yeah, it’s a thing that you wrap around your fingers and then you go like this? MATT: “Kind of. Here, do you m-m-mind?” The guy’s like, “Uh.” LAURA: I’m a really good artist, don’t worry MATT: “Sure?” Orly helps show you how he threads this and gets the needle set up. Go ahead and make a performance check TRAVIS: Oh god LIAM: Oh jeez MARISHA: Performance? LAURA: Performance. Oh no, performance! MATT: We’ll say dexterity, if you really want to LAURA: Yeah, I’ll do dexterity. Oh, 17! MATT: 17. Picking up where the initial partial ink sketches were, you actually continue to fill in the rest of the upper torso. You do a very good job. You can see where the style does shift in the art, but it’s not abrasive, it just continues, and it is rather nice LAURA: Do you think maybe your mermaid would want some googly eyes? MATT: He goes, “Um, no. I appreciate that, but no.” LAURA: Are you sure? I think it’d really make her look really good MATT: He starts to pull his arm away from you Orly puts his giant tortle hand on your shoulder and goes, “I don’t recommend m-m-messing with the artistic vision.” LAURA: I understand. I don’t want people messing with my artistic vision, either MATT: “There you are.” LAURA: You and me, Orly. We’re going to be fast friends MATT: “I like the idea of that. Point of order–” LAURA: Did you say “porn of order?” MATT: “Point of order.” LAURA: Okay MATT: “You don’t happen to have any sort of gem dust, do you?” LAURA: Gem dust. Like a gem that’s been powdered? MATT: “Yeah.” LAURA: Or like ink? MATT: “Oh, I have plenty of ink. It’s m-m-more–” LAURA: Wait, are you trying to make a sparkly ink? MATT: “M-m-more or less.” LAURA: I mean, I don’t have any powdered gems, but I could probably powder some gems MATT: “I picked up this technique years ago from some of the individuals that spawned from the “legacy of the island folk. It allows me to instill a m-m-mighty ink spot.” As he does that, he flexes
his arm and the tattoo shimmies every so slightly and his muscles bulge a bit LAURA: Oh my god. Will you teach me how to do that if I give you some dust? MATT: “See, it’s not so much something that can be easily taught; more that it’s something bequeathed “by an elder.” LAURA: Do you want to bequeath me? MATT: “No.” LAURA: What if you really like me, though? MATT: “We’ll see how time goes by. For the time being, just let me know if I can be of service.” He talks to you about it and he gives you an overview of his capabilities. For different types of gem dust, he can imbue somebody with a series of tattoos that can alter elements of their physical self. It’s not inexpensive, and each person can only have it once ever, so it’s not like you can have multiple. For 2,200 gold worth of a ruby dust he can imbue a permanent +1 to strength TRAVIS: What? (exclamations) MATT: For 2,200 gold worth of emerald dust he can do a permanent +1 to dex. He runs down the stat sheet there. The most expensive one’s constitution; that’s 2,500 worth of diamond dust There are all the different gem types there. He can also imbue certain resistances. Those are more expensive, those are 5,000 gold worth of fire opal dust for fire resist and 5,000 gold worth of black sapphire dust for cold resist. He has the capability of imbuing essentially magical, permanent tattoos LAURA: That is amazing MARISHA: I have a jeweler’s kit. (pigeon cooing) LAURA: Oh my gosh MARISHA: Beau made jewelry. (pigeon cooing) TRAVIS: That’s a shit-load of jewels MATT: Yeah, that’s something LAURA: That’s a lot of jewels SAM: We have some, though LAURA: Yeah, we have some TALIESIN: Some stuff that we don’t want to get rid of LAURA: Yeah MARISHA: I want some magic tattoos! LAURA: Oh my gosh, do they shimmer, though, do look sparkly on your body, do they look shiny? MATT: You can see aspects of, based on what enchantment it is– like on Orly, his is specifically an aquamarine dust. It has this faint, aquamarine, light blue shimmy to it; as soon as the light hits it, it glitters across LAURA: (gasping) TRAVIS: Oh, fuck MATT: Aquamarine dust being the one that boosts charisma LAURA: Orly, you’re so charismatic MATT: “(laughs) M-m-many folk have said that.” LAURA: I would definitely want to learn this from you, and I probably, once I get a little more rich and I have some powdered gems, I’m going to have you do it to me MATT: “Well, looks like you’re just going to have to keep me employed for quite a while.” LAURA: Yeah, don’t get hurt, okay? MATT: “Don’t get me hurt.” He goes back to finishing up the tattoo on the individual LAURA: Okay, what was the guy’s name that was getting a tattoo? MATT: That was Waldok LAURA: Waldok. Well, Waldok, I’ll see you later MATT: “(grunts) Okay.” LAURA: I’m going to go carpenter some stuff MATT: All right MARISHA: Holy shit MATT: Roughly eight days into this journey, you’ve moved about 100 miles off the shore of the southern island of Bwuali when a small horn sound goes off on the Squalleater. (horn call) It’s a small horn. It’s a very small horn LAURA: I had a flashback MATT: I know. This wasn’t meant to be an epic horn that I totally failed on. This is intentionally a small horn. Glancing at the top, you can see Avantika has climbed to the center of the mainmast and towards one of the crow’s nests up top, and, looking down, points to you, Fjord, and goes, “Quartermaster, call two of your compatriots that you trust to the top with me.” TRAVIS: Will do! Jester, Deuce TALIESIN: Yeah? TRAVIS: Up top TALIESIN: Oh, yeah, I like it up there MATT: You guys climb up the mainmast to the crow’s nest, and there you see Avantika with a spyglass, and she leans in to the three of you, directing mainly towards Fjord, and goes, “Now that we are at sea, I want to show you something.” She pulls out the spyglass and holds it over to you and helps you point it in the direction. Here you see a vessel, a little ways off on the horizon. A
little bit north of where you are, a northwestward direction. She whispers over your shoulder so the rest of you can hear. “Glancing at this ship ahead of us, it appears to be a Concord ship. A shipping vessel probably carrying trade goods. It appears to be equipped for rapid travel, but we could head it off. As my quartermaster, I ask you for your opinion. What should we do?” TRAVIS: Well, I’m sure it’s a ship of innocents We don’t want to stray from our path, correct? MATT: “Take a look. What do you see?” TRAVIS: I’ll use the spyglass MATT: Make a perception check SAM: They’re torturing orphans on the deck TRAVIS: 20 MATT: Okay. Glancing at it, it’s a pretty well made ship. It’s meant for speed. It doesn’t appear to be heavily manned. It’s not carrying or transporting people. It doesn’t seem to be a transport ship of any means. You see a handful of small sailors on board with a hand crossbow or a saber that’s sheathed at the side. You see on the deck a handful of crates that were not kept beneath, which means it’s probably pretty well-packed. It does appear to be Concord colors Since it’s traveling southward, you gather it’s probably recently finished– especially with your experience as a sailor– finished stocking up on all its materials, travel supplies and its goods Based on the path it’s heading southward, it’s either going to arc around to Tal’Dorei or be heading in the direction of Marquet or possibly, if it’s feeling risky, the Shattered Teeth TRAVIS: Captain, are you in a habit of intercepting said vessels in your time at sea? MATT: “Depends if we can do so quickly without losing any sort of momentum, perhaps? Not all “ships are boarded and there is a loss of life Most, I’d say probably 80 percent of encounters “out here, is just intimidation. Most let us take what we want and continue on our way. They don’t “want to die.” TRAVIS: It’s important that you know in my previous life I had encounters with pirating vessels as well and most of those experiences I did not enjoy MATT: “Well, to be fair, there are plenty of assholes on these waters, so it does not surprise “me. But it is your choice, I say. You may talk amongst your friends, but there is opportunity.” TRAVIS: You say no need for a loss of life? MATT: “Not unless they– how do you say– they are stupid?” TRAVIS: Or stubborn MATT: “Either or.” TRAVIS: Well, my fellow boatswain and navigators to be? Nope? Boatswain and carpenter? Yeah LAURA: I’m a carpenter, Fjord. I’m learning to be a carpenter TRAVIS: Okay, carpenter and– LAURA: And a really good tattoo artist TRAVIS: What are you? TALIESIN: A boatswain TRAVIS: Oh, well, I had that completely fucking backwards I take real good notes. What say you on such a dangerous expedition as this? TALIESIN: May I? TRAVIS: Oh yes, of course TALIESIN: I’m going to take a look at this thing MATT: Make a perception check TALIESIN: 22 MATT: Okay. You make out the same details as he does. Nothing catches your attention. Nothing about it seems out of the ordinary per se, but it does seem to be a vessel that is filled with its payload and making its way south LAURA: Let me see! MATT: Make a perception check LAURA: Only because I would totally do it if they were both looking and I rolled like shit. I think there’s a ship! TRAVIS: You’re not wrong TALIESIN: Obviously the decision is yours, but we are low on supplies which means we have more to lose. If something goes wrong, we lose vital members of our crew or burn through magic ability We’re going to be without food whereas I’m sure they’re probably very well stocked and prepared for these sorts of eventualities. I feel like we would be coming in from a place of weakness That’s my initial thought TRAVIS: Jester?
LAURA: Oh man, I don’t know. I’d be okay with it, I guess TRAVIS: You’re up for a scrap on the seas? LAURA: Well, it doesn’t have to be a scrap like Avantika said. It could be, you know, go in and take stuff but maybe we could also give them something! TRAVIS: What would we give them? LAURA: I don’t know, like new names or pretty drawings? TALIESIN: Fine art LAURA: Yeah, we could just make it a fun time for them MATT: “An aggressive trade. Interesting.” TRAVIS: Very well MATT: “What is your decision?” TRAVIS: As long as we abstain as well as we can from violence and as long as your men in the crew understand my disgust at such tactics, I think we can make our way towards an intercept MATT: You watch as this playful look on her face as she watches this discourse turns into this extremely intense, Joker-like grin and she goes “Well then, welcome to piracy my friends. Come.” She jumps off the side and heads the ropes down and begins shouting off commands to people on the ship TALIESIN: I think that escalated rather quickly LAURA: She made me question what we just did. I thought it was one thing and then her face made me think it’s a whole other thing TRAVIS: Well, you said we need supplies right? TALIESIN: Well, I said that we were in a position of disadvantage TRAVIS: I felt like your words were different before. Listen, we’re going to not use violence all right? I’m not– MATT: The sails shift as the ropes are being pulled– TRAVIS: Do me a favor. Spread the word amongst the rest of us and make sure the rest of the crew hears as well. I don’t want innocent blood shed if it can be helped LAURA: I mean, whatever, Fjord. I guess we can do that if you want to. I don’t care TRAVIS: Thank you, Jester LAURA: I’m already down. I’m not there anymore MATT: All right TALIESIN: I feel like this is somehow connected to your previous bad decisions MARISHA: Aw shit TRAVIS: Nope. Is the big ogre– MATT: Bouldergut? TRAVIS: Yes, that name MATT: Yes, Bouldergut is on this ship. She has been moved from The Mistake partially because Bouldergut acts as a bodyguard to Avantika and because the other ship itself is in serious need of repairs. They assume probably don’t put the giant heavy ogre on it TRAVIS: Can I find Bouldergut? MATT: Sure enough. Bouldergut is down there currently getting ready with a giant great club that is carved from an older masthead TRAVIS: Bouldergut? MATT: “What?” TRAVIS: I’m sure that is just for show, yes? MATT: “Right. For show.” TRAVIS: It’s important you understand I have an agreement with the captain. No unnecessary bloodshed. You will make sure that the rest of the men know this MATT: She looks back and Avantika goes, “Oh don’t worry. You are the quartermaster. You are the one “who is to be boarding any sort of ships that we encounter so you choose your people.” TRAVIS: (uncertain noises) I know. Making sure you know. That is all TALIESIN: In my imagination that felt vaguely like a threat MATT: At this point you watch as Ipess, who is the second mate of the ship, this sunburned gnome begins scurrying up the rope to go ahead and put their flag on display. Ipess. I-P-E-S-S TALIESIN: What does the flag look like? MATT: The flag on this is a dull gray purple color and it has a similar sketch of the same eye tattoo that Avantika has on her chest TALIESIN: All right MATT: As that goes up and the ship begins to move to intercept, glancing through the eyeglass in the distance you can see the other ship noticing the approach and there is now a bunch of chaos as they all begin running up and down the ship notifying everybody else on there. What are you doing to prepare, guys? TRAVIS: I’m running to find Nott, our master gunner-in-training. I’ll say: Nott? I need you to keep an eye on those guns we’re not looking– SAM: (shouting) All right you motherfuckers! I need hollow charges loaded! I need extra fuses on every motherfucking cannon! Get me hollow shells loaded with extra charges. I want four cannonballs on every cannon! Move! TRAVIS: Nott! Nott! Oh my god! Look. Again, we’re not looking to sink this ship, okay? We’re going to try and board, get what we need and let them go. I don’t want unnecessary violence MARISHA: I run in with a keg of black powder that I’ve been building. (shouting) Are we fighting?! SAM: (shouting) Yeah! MARISHA: (shouting) Is this a fight? SAM: (shouting) Light them up! Load them up! Put the charges at the ready!
MARISHA: (shouting) Who’s trying to punk our ass? SAM: (shouting) Short fuses! MARISHA: Okay! MATT: The angry, tough red-bearded dwarf that actually acts as the cannon master of the ship that goes by the name of Ophiscan Duth. “I’m interested in possibly getting involved, but this is too much fun to watch. Keep going, goblin, I’m liking it.” SAM: (shouting) If you’re not going to help stand out of my way! MARISHA: All right, I’ve got five pounders, eight pounders, 12 pounders, short fuses and a 20 pound keg MATT: Two of the other deckhands who act as powder monkeys are also helping get things organized MARISHA: What are we doing? What’s going on? TRAVIS: We’re doing great. Beau, you’re going to join me as we pull alongside the ship MARISHA: Okay! TRAVIS: You’re part of the boarding party. Go up above MARISHA: Okay TRAVIS: Nott? I pull Nott close and I say: If you fucking fire on that ship before they fire on us you will never get into the Academy. Do you understand? SAM: The Academy? TRAVIS: Yeah MARISHA: So we’re not fighting? TRAVIS: The letter that I have that grants me access? SAM: Oh TRAVIS: If you want that for Caleb– SAM: Oh, I see TRAVIS: So act real tough and yell real loud Don’t fire on them unless they fire on us, you understand? MATT: “Though I would recommend if you’re going to fire do a warning shot. Tends to get them a bit “spooked in their boots and slowing down.” SAM: So a warning shot’s okay? MATT: “Across the bow, not at the ship. In front of it, away from it but just enough to show a “little bit of power.” SAM: To me it seems like the closer the more intimidating. Right? MATT: “There’s a bit of a range of error with these weapons. They’re not a perfect art.” SAM: So “don’t fire at them?” TRAVIS: As long as you don’t hit the ship SAM: All right TRAVIS: I’m sure you’ll– SAM: (shouting) Come on you, motherfuckers! Get ready to fire! MATT: At this point, the sails are fully unfurled Speed is picking up. The other ship was trying to gain speed, and it is a very fast ship, but as it tries to move away it ends up putting you at a parallel pace. At which point, the master gunner leans into you and goes “Ahem. About now would be “fine, I think.” SAM: To fire? MATT: “We want them to slow down, eh?” SAM: All right. I’m so excited. I’m just going to take a swig MATT: He gets behind you and– not quite like making the vase in Ghost, but is trying to help show you exactly how to set things up and get the cannon ready and aim it SAM: Are you with us? TRAVIS: I’m going to leave you to it. I’m going back upstairs SAM: Okay I’ll cast a quick Message and say: Fjord I’m about to fire my warning shot. Good to go? You can respond to this message TRAVIS: At your will, yeah SAM: All right. I will light the fuse? I don’t know how you do it TALIESIN: Powder, ball, make ready, fire MATT: Powder, place the shot, put the fuse in, aim then fire SAM: Okay. Do I have to roll for this? MATT: Yeah. Go ahead and make an intelligence check SAM: Okay, that’s a natural one LAURA: Oh no TALIESIN: I’m so excited! LIAM: What the fuck MATT: Okay SAM: Ready! Aim! TRAVIS: The cannon goes (creaking) MATT: You light the fuse SAM: Fire! MATT: (sizzling) SAM: What happened? What’s going on? MATT: “What order did you put them in?” SAM: I put the fuse in first and then I put the powder in and then one of the balls? Is that right? MATT: “I don’t think that’s how–” SAM: Maybe I did them– MATT: “I think you fucked it up.” SAM: I think I did the ball first and then the powder MATT: “I think that’s– right, we’re going to have to clean that cannon.” SAM: Shit! MATT: “You’re going to have to clean that cannon.” SAM: Let’s go to another cannon! MATT: “All right, we’ll move over to this one.” So you begin setting up the other cannon SAM: Uh-huh MATT: So you put the powder first, put the ball, get the– (explosion) The other cannon goes off TALIESIN: At least you weren’t looking in it MATT: There’s a shaking sound with splintering wood and a bit of smoke in the vicinity. You glance over and that cannon is fucked LAURA: I come running in. Do I need to fix a hole? SAM: It’s not wood, but sure LIAM: Caleb runs up from under the deck with sulfur in one hand and bat shit in the other one What is going on? What is this? SAM: Sorry! LIAM: What are we doing? SAM: Technical difficulties MARISHA: Can somebody please tell us what the fuck is going on? TALIESIN: We are apparently committing an act of piracy MATT: At this point Ophiscan sees this and knowing your skill set goes, “Go back upstairs. There’s a “lot of powder in this room.” LIAM: Aren’t we–oh. Oh! MATT: “Upstairs.” LIAM: You’re good? MATT: “Fireboy. Go. Go get.” SAM: I was born to do this MATT: “All right, so you owe us a cannon. Try again.” LAURA: I use the cantrip Mending
MATT: We’ll see if that would help a destroyed cannon LAURA: Probably not MATT: That’s a lot of material LIAM: I could fix it MATT: A single break or tear– no. That cannon’s fucked LAURA: One little thing goes (squeaking) MATT: All right, try it again. The DC is lower this time because now you’ve fucked up SAM: I’ve got this. Are they getting away? MATT: You’ve managed to head them off. They’re managing to get speed and they’re curving this way and you guys are curving to meet them TRAVIS: They’re curving fast because there was a detonation MATT: Yeah SAM: Okay, that’s better. Intelligence check, 20 Couldn’t be more different MATT: Without issue this time, proper order with a rapid pace. Halfway through, Ophiscan’s like, “Eh, sorry.” SAM: Hey, back off old man MATT: You set it, light the fuse. (explosion) The whole thing lurches back about two feet and there’s a large wooden platform that catches it from the impact. The room shakes for a second and you glance through the little side of the gunport and you watch it hit the water maybe about 40 feet out from the front of the other ship. You hear shouting from the other ship and you watch as it starts to slow and come to a slower crawl. It begins to give up its chase SAM: I cast Message. Fjord, mission accomplished Board at will! You can respond to this message TRAVIS: Well done, Nott LAURA: Oh my gosh SAM: Oh boy MATT: This is more for just a visual perspective MARISHA: Just for visuals SAM: You guys, if you live in the UK, you’re going to get some faster, cheaper shipping MARISHA: Way cheaper SAM: Of the art book MARISHA: Uh-huh. Because books are heavy SAM: Which going to be available what day? LAURA: Monday at nine SAM: This is exciting, but also D&D Beyond LAURA: Whoa, Matthew Mercer! So cool! SAM: You made those? MATT: Well no, this was sent to me by fans of the show who actually make these, and then this I had custom made a while back in case this ever came around SAM: Does this ship have a grid printed on it or carved into it? MATT: Yeah, lasered in. Just to give you perspective, as you guys pull up from the side of this, eventually the two ships are brought in, anchor is dropped LAURA: Which one is ours? MATT: This is yours, here. This is the Squalleater. On the opposite end, the crew has all moved up to the deck. They have weapons at the ready, but not necessarily ready to fire. They’re in the process of realizing they don’t have much recourse at this moment. The rest of Avantika’s crew, or at least a number of them, have come up on the deck in support. But you’re the one who’s helming this. What do you do? TRAVIS: I look over at Caleb. Caleb, have you any desire to intimidate some folks? LIAM: Do you need that? Yeah, okay TALIESIN: Do we have a name of this ship? TRAVIS: Beau’s going with MATT: The Squalleater. Oh their ship? LIAM: She is intimidating LAURA: Hey Fjord? You know, sometimes you can be nice to people, too. And make them think that they are friends TRAVIS: Yeah, I don’t know. That’s not where I’m going. Beau? MARISHA: Yeah? TRAVIS: Team up with Bouldergut. I want you to go on the opposite ship and find me the captain MARISHA: Okay TRAVIS: Can I see how many men, now that we’re close, how many are above deck? MATT: Yes. To give you kind of a brief perspective here, what you see on deck, off to the side. Those are the people you see. Some of them appear to be deckhands and aren’t armed aside from a small shortsword on their side. A couple of them appear to be a little better dressed, but none of them are warriors. They don’t appear to have a very visible guard on the deck of the ship TRAVIS: Okay. Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt MATT: No, go ahead TRAVIS: I’m coming with you, just keep an eye out and make sure no one is doing any shifty biz MARISHA: And you want no violence here whatsoever? TRAVIS: Not unless– Rules of engagement apply. Do not fire or attack unless fired upon TALIESIN: Do you want me to make an announcement, maybe? TRAVIS: Yes TALIESIN: Thaumaturgy, I’m going to project my voice very loudly onto the other ship
MATT: Okay TALIESIN: Fellow friends at sea, we wish to have a parlay with your captain and we hope to keep this entire confrontation as bloodless and reasonable as humanly possible. We will do our best to be civil and not encourage anything inappropriate over the next several minutes. We would appreciate your cooperation in this direction. Then I’m going to try and make all the doors open and available to us from the other ship with Thaumaturgy as well. I’m going to pop all their doors open MATT: Soon as that sentence comes to an end, you hear a rapid clattering of heavy wood against wood. It’s all of the various ports and doors in the interior of the ship all manage to slam open at once. All the members on the opposite side look at each other. Make an intimidation check TALIESIN: What number is that? I have a number in that, let’s see what it does. That’s a 22 MATT: A 22?! They all look at each other and begin to back even further away from the edge. One of them rushes down and goes deeper into the ship and a moment later returns with one figure which appears to be better dressed than the others. You see very bright blonde hair and a relatively well-dressed leather tunic over decent captain’s clothing. He comes to the front and goes, “I am “the captain of The Stormcap. Who am I to be parlaying with?” TRAVIS: I’ll step forward and reach for gloves that aren’t there and not do that. My name is Fjord. I’m a representative of The Squalleater here. If you will but humor us for a few moments, I’m afraid we’re very short on supplies. We need to replenish our stores and perhaps enrich our pockets. If your men behave, I’m sure we will all get out of this very little worse for wear MATT: “I am Captain Jules Errog of The Stormcap, and I would very much like the lives of my men “spared. What supplies do you need? Perhaps there can be a trade organized.” TRAVIS: Indeed. Deuce, food? Water? TALIESIN: Definitely food and water. We are also in the need of some gems if possible. I’ll also say that if they require any healing at all, for anybody that might be sickly on the ship. I’d be happy to offer my services TRAVIS: Oh indeed yes, the well being of your men obviously, was something that we would easily tend to MATT: His expression gets really confused. It’s like, “Okay?” MARISHA: What’s Captain Avantika doing right now? MATT: Avantika is on the other ship just leaning against the opposite side watching this happen, just keeping an eye on everything TRAVIS: Now in exchange for our good will in this interaction, I’m sure you won’t mind if we peruse below decks and see if there is anything of interest MATT: Looks across to the rest of his men, looks over towards you again TALIESIN: I’m, by the way, human looking right now MATT: Okay TALIESIN: Smeed MATT: The intimidating Thaumaturgy-casting Smeed “Okay. Do as you will.” TRAVIS: Fantastic. Bouldergut! I’ll call the ogre up to just board their ship and stay on the gangplank between ours and theirs MATT: Bouldergut takes a step towards the gangplank and goes “Grrr.” Looks over at Avantika who shouts, “Perhaps not having her on the plank is a good idea?” TRAVIS: Oh no, I’m sorry, on their ship, on that side of the gangplank MATT: Bouldergut backs up and does a running jump and hits the other side and you watch the ship shift in the water from the impact and the weight of this ogre. So now you have that TRAVIS: Our friend here is going to play chaperone and ensure everyone stays nice and happy up here Beau, would you mind coming with me? MARISHA: Yeah, absolutely TALIESIN: Let us know if you need anything TRAVIS: Will do. Again, I must emphasize, no tricky business. We’re in good moods. It would be smart to keep it that way LIAM: I fire off a Fire Bolt straight up into the sky in an arc over and let it land in the ocean MATT: A Fire Bolt? LIAM: Yeah, a Fire Bolt. You don’t want us to be unhappy MATT: Make an intimidation check LIAM: 11 MATT: Okay. The captain thinks to himself and nods. He turns and steps aside from the doorway that he’s been standing in
TRAVIS: I motion to a third so it’s not just Beau and myself. One of the other crew members of The Squalleater to come with us downstairs MATT: Okay. At your disposal right there would probably be Vera, who is the previous quartermaster, but she is a bit older, not quite geriatric, but is in her older years SAM: (cooing) Yasha! MARISHA: We’re trying to go with Squalleater people. Waldok? TRAVIS: Vera, Ipess? MARISHA: Ipess or Waldok? MATT: Vera, Ipess, or Norgul. Vera Norgul is her name. Who are you calling? TRAVIS: Yeah, let’s have Ipess come MATT: A giant bushy bearded gnome comes by and he has his shortsword drawn. “All right. Let’s do it Lead on!” The three of you make it across the gangplanks and now the group is four of you including Bouldergut. The large opening that leads down into the ship, the rest– MARISHA: Where is the captain’s quarters? MATT: The captain’s quarters is underneath in the back MARISHA: Be right back. I’m going to go into the captain’s quarters MATT: Okay. As you head down, almost everybody who’s on the ship is up top. You see a few figures that are deckhands cowering in rooms. They’re scared shitless and when you begin walk past you hear (shushing). They’re trying to stay quiet You’re in the captain’s quarters. What are you doing? MARISHA: I’m looking for any type of important paperwork, correspondence, what these guys are, traveling logs MATT: Make an investigation check LIAM: Also, when you are down there, you hear in the back of your skull: Books! MARISHA: And books! Frumpkin, what are you doing? I put Frumpkin on my shoulder. I rolled a natural 19, so 24 MATT: A number of shipping ledgers. There are books keeping tabs on payments to the crew and how long they’ve been hired. There is one paper you do find that is hidden in a locked compartment beneath, but you manage to find underneath this little bit that you can slip your fingers through, and pull a sheet of paper out on the opposite end of the shelf. This is a list of the supplies on the ship MARISHA: Anything of interest? MATT: There is food and water for the journey There are Clovis Concord spices, Menagerie Coast specialty dried meats, tropical fruits that are specifically frozen and brought so they’re slowly thawing through the journey to get them as fresh as they can where they’re going. This looks like this journey was intended to go to Marquet, to Port Damali, The Bay of Gifts. Amongst all the various bits of general supplies, cloths, clothing, and silks that are specific to the Menagerie Coast, there are some elements of Empire goods as well that are put in there. But the thing that catches your interest: there is one last addition. Everything else seems to be written in one type of handwriting, and there is a different type of handwriting in the final entry, and the final entry says, “Requested package: guarded,” and the amount that was paid for that was 1,800 gold. That was received by the captain on this ledger to keep on the down low MARISHA: I’m going to immediately look around. Do I see any of the safes where you would hide a guarded package in here? MATT: In here? You do not, not within this chamber MARISHA: All right. I go meet Fjord and Norgul Nope! Ipess. That’s who’s with us, I go meet them MATT: Okay. While you’re looking, are you waiting for Beau or are you heading out? TRAVIS: Yeah, we go together MATT: Beau joins up with you guys TRAVIS: What’d you find? MARISHA: Oh, an entire inventory of the ship. That looks interesting! TRAVIS: Oh, yes, indeed it does MARISHA: Who wants to ask about that? TRAVIS: Oh, I believe I will MATT: Actually, as high your investigation check was, and you continued investigation into the room in search of any sort of thing, you do not find this package, but you do find underneath under the small, tossed, somewhat mildewed rugs that mark the floor, there is a section of floorboard that pulls open, and there is a small chest that is locked. When you pull and shake it a bit, it’s filled with quite a bit of coin MARISHA: I grab the whole chest. Is it heavy? MATT: It’s pretty heavy MARISHA: I grab the whole chest. (grunting)
TRAVIS: Nice! First room! MARISHA: Yeah, that’s pretty good. Feel pretty proud of that TRAVIS: Yeah, that’s real good MARISHA: Do you think this is the shipment? Think this is that? Would I deduce this is that, or no? MATT: As you are moving and shifting it, it sounds like it’s filled with a lot of coin MARISHA: There’s a different package here TRAVIS: Well, I’m going to find out one way. I’ll call over Bouldergut. Bouldergut, do me a favor and lob this over onto the other ship, would you? MATT: Bouldergut grabs it with one hand and walks over. As Bouldergut makes her way onto the deck, you can see the captain notice it and sigh loudly TRAVIS: I know, Captain. I hate to be more of an inconvenience than this already is, and I want to get The Stormcap on its way as quickly as possible. Would you do me a favor and have all of your men come down here and assemble at the bow of the ship, please? This is getting too interesting and I can’t have you spread out all over the place MATT: “Men, please, to the bow of the ship.” They all begin to shift and make their way that direction. As the captain begins to move, goes, “All I ask, please, is leave enough supplies for us to make our journey.” TRAVIS: But of course, Captain. What are we, monsters? MATT: Does not break eye contact with you and gives you a serious dark glare LIAM: I start lobbing Fire Bolts into the sea like I’m skipping stones every ten or 15 seconds MATT: It certainly keeps the other side nervous LAURA: I’m waving at them. Hi TRAVIS: We’ll make our way below deck to see what we can see MATT: You go past into the cargo hold, which is below here. On the level where the captain’s quarters are and just below, there’s the rest of the cabin quarters for the rest of the crew, and then below that is the cargo hold. As you make your way past the various hiding other members of the deckhand crew, down in the lower cargo hold, there are a series of crates and barrels that contain all the supplies that were on the ledger, you would assume, all the different trade materials TRAVIS: I’ll peek my head into one of those rooms where the crew is hiding. I’ll say: You, you, and you. Get your ass up. I want these crates taken above deck and put on our ship. Do it quickly, do it quietly MATT: “Which ones?” TRAVIS: I’ll point out the ones with the food, some of the water and some of those frozen fruits as well for scurvy needs MATT: “Okay.” They’re all trying to keep a distance from you, scurry down and begin lifting things, at which point a voice below goes, “What’s going on?” and they go, “Shh.” They begin to move things back up to the top TRAVIS: I’ll grab one of them before they– I heard that MARISHA: I crack my knuckles behind Fjord TRAVIS: You know, if you were on the sea long enough, you would know that I’m the type that only asks a question once. Who else is down here? MATT: Make an intimidation check TRAVIS: 23 MATT: Eyes wide, the pupils gyrating in a very quick, shaking motion. “I don’t his name. He came “with one of the pieces of cargo. He just stays down there.” TRAVIS: That would be it. You can go on MATT: (panting) and continues to grab and pull the crates up SAM: I’m going to cast Message. Fjord, we are reloaded and ready to fire. If you want me to fire, literally reply with any word. You can reply to this message. Fuck (laughter) TALIESIN: Don’t get greedy TRAVIS: Well, I don’t feel like we need reinforcements for this, right? MARISHA: I feel deeply capable, but I feel deeply capable TRAVIS: Yasha? MARISHA: Yo, Yasha! MATT: From across the other side– MARISHA: Oh sorry. (shouting) Yasha! MATT: “Yes?” MARISHA: Come here MATT: Bounds across the gangplank on the other side. “What do you need?” She heads down to the ship with you MARISHA: Think the secret package is a person Think there’s a person, think he’s the secret package because he’s on this ledger and it’s different handwriting. Anyway, let’s go find the person TRAVIS: Yeah, we’ll make our way further into the hold and try to find the source of the voice TALIESIN: Just because everyone’s on the deck, I’m going to do a quick Detect Magic and scan the boat MATT: The whole boat? TALIESIN: Everybody in the boat
LAURA: While he’s doing that, I’m going to say: I need a volunteer! SAM: From the other crew? TALIESIN: I will also say I’m going to take it and that chest they just threw out as well MATT: Okay. The chest does not emit a magical presence. In order to really check the other ship, you have to go across onto its bow and scan and walk across it. It’s a 30-foot TALIESIN: It’s 30-foot. Okay, at the very least, I’m going to get close and walk the– Oh, yeah MATT: Okay. As you begin to make your way over towards the bow, concentrating on the spell, a tiny little magic source below you, deep in the ship, catches your attention LAURA: In the other ship? MATT: In the other ship, yes TALIESIN: There’s something magic down below MATT: While this is happening– SAM: I say that all the time to my lady friends, by the way MATT: You guys head down into the cargo hold MARISHA: Super on edge and guarded MATT: Make a perception check MARISHA: Darkvision goggles. Okay TRAVIS: I will aid you MARISHA: Thank you. I will take it. Oh my god, I rolled a three and a four. Seven MATT: Okay, looking inside, it is lightless and appears to be empty aside from the series of crates and shipping containers that are in here, other than the ones that you’ve had moved up to the top. Between the three of them, they’ve done two quick up-and-downs. They’ve brought a fair amount of supplies so far, and they’ll continue if you tell them to MARISHA: I can’t see shit, but I don’t trust it TRAVIS: I can MARISHA: You know, maybe if I readjust. Let me just close my eyes for a second. Okay, why don’t you try? TRAVIS: Yeah, can I give it a better look with my darkvision? MATT: No, because you spent your turn helping her TRAVIS: That’s right, I’m helping her. Of course MATT: Technically it’s both of you looking LIAM: Okay, Caduceus aired the fact that he is a little nervous, so I place my hand on Caduceus’ shoulder and then look through Frumpkin’s eyes to see what’s going on TALIESIN: I’m getting a little bit of magic down there, I don’t know what it is, but it’s making me nervous MATT: Okay. Looking through Frumpkin’s eyes, make a perception check LIAM: Oh, I wasn’t trying to do a perception check. I’m not searching for anything, I’m just checking in MATT: You’re just keeping an eye? Okay. So you’re just keeping tabs on the situation LIAM: That’s exactly what I want to do LAURA: I just want to let it known that I’m asking for a volunteer from the other crew TALIESIN: Oh god LAURA: I need a volunteer! MATT: They all look at each other LAURA: It can be anyone, but there should be at least one! MATT: The captain steps forward and goes, “For what?” LAURA: For a special present! It’s a treat! MATT: Make a persuasion check SAM: That sounds awful TALIESIN: That sounds like the worst thing ever Oh man LAURA: 17 SAM: A treat MATT: “Go, Lieb. That way.” LAURA: Liam? MATT: Lieb LAURA: Lieb MATT: I know, so close. One of the deck hands looks and he goes, “What, me?” LAURA: Come on! MATT: Onto The Squalleater? LAURA: Yeah. Come sit next to me! MATT: He comes across the gangplank over next to you LAURA: I bust out the tattoo stuff that Orly’s been teaching me. I’m going to give him a tat while all that’s going on! (laughter) TALIESIN: This is the darkest timeline. Oh TRAVIS: Unmolested, except for– TALIESIN: And that’s how I got this! LAURA: Where do you want it? TALIESIN: I’m having bad flashbacks MATT: He’s just like, “I– what?” LAURA: It’ll be so good. It’s going to be so beautiful SAM: This poor guy! MARISHA: You’ve got to test on somebody LAURA: Ooh, I like it! Let’s get your clothes open. While everything’s going on, I’m just going to spend– MATT: While you’re prepping, he just looks over at the captain very mournfully, and the captain’s like– LAURA: It’s just going to be one smiley line with two tusks sticking out of it SAM: Oh! TALIESIN: Vampire LAURA: You’ve been abducted– no, by Captain Tusktooth MATT: Make a dexterity check MARISHA: Like, you’ve been abducted, congratulations LAURA: Ooh! 19! MATT: So over the next ten minutes or so, you’ll be able to provide a fine tattoo of that simple design LAURA: Yeah, just like a smiley face, but with tusks MATT: You got it. He’s biting his lip (groaning) LAURA: Just deal with it, it’s going to be good TRAVIS: I’ll make my way forward into the hold even though we haven’t seen much MATT: Okay. You move ahead into the hold about ten feet or so. There’s a small pathway that’s built between all the different elements of crates and barrels, making sure that you can get to the back of the hold MARISHA: Plug! Sorry MATT: They’re not a sponsor MARISHA: Actually, not sponsored MATT: As you move around the corner, in a flash, you hear (grunting). You see this quick arc of steel as suddenly, from around the corner, a fairly well-armed man with sun-darkened skin,
short hair pulled into a tight top-knot or a bun of some kind, holding a longsword two-handed, swings at you, three strikes. That is 24 to hit TRAVIS: Hits MATT: That is 18 to hit TRAVIS: Hits MATT: And, ooh, that is a 26 to hit TRAVIS: Misses MATT: Three hits there. That is 16 points of slashing damage, 13 points of slashing damage, and, oh, 18 points of slashing damage TRAVIS: Amazing LIAM: I call out up there: Captain, your quartermaster is under attack LAURA: How do you know that? MARISHA: He’s looking through Frumpkin LAURA: Oh, cool MATT: Avantika listens and goes, “Ah, I trust he can take care of himself, eh?” TALIESIN: You want to send me down? LIAM: We’ll see TALIESIN: All right MATT: Now I need you to roll initiative, you to roll initiative, and roll initiative for Yasha, and I’ll do for Bouldergut MARISHA: Oh my god, I don’t know if I trust Gil I’m sorry, Gil, but I don’t trust you. 18. I’ll take that 18 MATT: 25 to 20? Beau, you’re 18? TRAVIS: Yasha rolled a 19 MATT: Oh, so Yasha’s up first TRAVIS: I rolled a six MATT: Okay, good to know. Yasha is up first Seeing this flashing of blades across Fjord, Fjord gets knocked back, careening into some of the nearby crates. They shift from the impact, you hear the cracking of wood. As soon as the figure pulls back, getting the blade into defensive position, backing up against a corner with that was set with a table and a chair, and this is essentially the guarding post of this figure below. There’s a very faint bit of light in the corner from a hooded lantern that’s been faced towards the inside of the crates so it wouldn’t give any sort of light that revealed his location You see him going into a defensive position Yasha’s up first. Yasha? TRAVIS: Does he look armored? MATT: Armored? Yes, half-plate TRAVIS: With her bonus action, she will rage and she will make two attacks with the Magician’s Judge MATT: Go for it TRAVIS: That’s not good. That’s an 11 MATT: 11 misses. The blade scrapes across his armor, no impact TRAVIS: And a 12 MATT: The first one scrapes across the armor, causing a couple sparks to fly and briefly lighting up his position. The second time he actually pulls the longsword up and manages to parry and cause the blade to completely miss, impacting and getting stuck about an inch into the wood before she draws back angrily, gritting her teeth. That ends Yasha’s turn. Beau, you’re up MARISHA: Okay, I’m going to come up and I’m going to parkour off of one of the crates and I’m going to try and come down and I want to nail him in the temple and try and do a stunning strike. First, I’m just going to try and hit him MATT: All right MARISHA: While I’m doing this, I’m going to be like: Frumpkin, help! Okay, 19? MATT: 19 hits LIAM: I actually want to ask Frumpkin to do something from on deck MATT: All right, roll initiative LIAM: Okay SAM: Does she get advantage on barrels because she’s a cooper? MARISHA: I’m using my elbow. Fucking balls, why does this keep happening to me? Five points of damage on that first one, and I’m going to do a stunning strike MATT: Stunning strike on him? That’s a con save That was out of the box there MARISHA: It needs to be garbage MATT: He has a pretty decent con, but he only rolled a 15 MARISHA: Nope MATT: What’s the DC? MARISHA: 14 MATT: 14, yeah, he saves on that one MARISHA: Hang on, wait. It’s my proficiency bonus plus my– because I was afraid that I had been fucking this up– plus my wisdom, which is– MATT: It’s eight plus your proficiency bonus plus your wisdom MARISHA: (counting) 14. Nope, it’s still 14 MATT: Yeah, so the first strike hits him across the head, but he manages to resist it. He pulls back (grunting), teeth gritted MARISHA: Pop, pop. Do it again. First hit, 20 MATT: 20 hits. Roll damage for the second strike MARISHA: Bullshit damage. Six MATT: Six points of damage MARISHA: You said his con was good? MATT: You don’t know. It seemed to be pretty decent; he rolled a 15 on that one. But you can try it again MARISHA: One more time. Ki point MATT: Another ki point. That is a 12
MARISHA: He’s stunned! MATT: First strike, no impact, he pulls back. He’s rearing to try and deflect, or at least keep you at bay. The second strike, as you crack right across the side of the head, he goes down onto one knee. You see him, his eyes go wide as they’re rolling a little bit in his skull, and he’s currently trying to shake– You rung his bell. You still have your bonus action MARISHA: My bonus action– MATT: With advantage, if you’re– MARISHA: Oh wait, he’s stunned! Yeah, that’s an 18 to hit, a natural 18. And another goddamn one! Five MATT: Five points of damage. He’s stunned and on his knee MARISHA: I’m going to look at Frumpkin again and be like: Caleb, if you’re watching, I don’t trust Avantika? That’s probably all I can say MATT: Okay, that brings us to Bouldergut’s turn (laughter) Bouldergut. There’s not a lot of space here, so I’m going to give her disadvantage on her attack because she has to try and swing this large greatclub in this enclosed space as an ogre Charging by, (roaring), comes down to do an overhead strike. Actually, it would have advantage because stunned, so it’s just a regular roll. Let me try that again. Yeah, that’s a natural 14, that hits. For that, he takes 13 points of damage on that hit. The other attack– 17, that hits Another 15 points of damage. Nice. As he’s on one knee, Bouldergut comes around and she slams. He almost falls to the ground again. The giant impact slamming into the back of the metal– You can see that actual armor dented inward from the impact She pulls up for a second strike down on top. This one actually sends him down on the ground. He’s trying to get back up from that impact. The back of the armor is pushed in. It’s limited some of his mobility within his shoulder blades from the way the metal’s pushed towards his upper shoulder That’s going to end Bouldergut’s turn. It’s now Frumpkin’s go LIAM: Frumpkin is going to fly over towards this gentleman and try to, with talons, rake across his head. With advantage because he’s stunned, yeah? That’s a 15 or an 18 MATT: 18 hits LIAM: I cast Vampiric Touch through Frumpkin’s touch, and he takes 3d6 necrotic damage SAM: Frumpkin can attack? LIAM: Through me. Me through her. Him. Damn it That is eight points of necrotic damage to him TRAVIS: You can wifi suck HP out of somebody like that? LIAM: Mm-hmm TRAVIS: Yeah! MARISHA: I just turn to Fjord and go: Frumpkin listens to my commands! MATT: That ends Frumpkin’s go. Fjord, you’re up TRAVIS: I will stand up after having getting the holy fucking shit knocked out of me from those longsword shots, and say: Friend! You better be real sure this is something you want to die for. I would suggest you drop your sword. You’re outnumbered. I will take a step back MARISHA: Nice MATT: Make an intimidation check. Because he’s stunned and beat to shit, I’ll give you advantage on it TRAVIS: First one was a 24 MATT: Okay, that ends your turn. Yasha’s up TRAVIS: Yasha will walk up and attempt to grapple him into a bear hug MATT: Okay, make an athletics check for her with advantage because she’s raging TRAVIS: 21 MATT: Okay, he fails strength and dex saving throws. Doesn’t say anything about abilities– I’ll say, yeah, she grapples him, that’s fine Beau, you’re up MARISHA: He’s grappled? MATT: He’s currently being held by Yasha and looking right over at Fjord, who’s backed away, hands up MARISHA: I’m going to say: Look, me and this guy have been trying to be better about not hurting people. You know, we’re trying to watch out for one another. The truth is, we want to talk to you We’re going to get answers from you. It’s your choice if it’s going to take us beating them out of you, or if you just want to give them to us. So I’m not going to hit you. Just know, if I feel like you’re lying to me, I’ll punch the living shit out of you, and then you’re going to tell me what I wanted to know anyway. Understood? MATT: That’s your turn? MARISHA: Yeah MATT: Okay. It comes to his turn, he’s being held by Yasha, and he shakes off the daze. Grits his
teeth, and just throws his sword to the ground MARISHA: We’re not murder monsters! TRAVIS: Our dark-leaning thing goes tick MATT: Four points renegade, one point paragon Yasha’s still clutching him there. Yeah TRAVIS: Friend. Ow! Second, we saw a little manifest that said there was some guarded parcel down below. I can only imagine that they were talking about you. Now, my friend was correct. She can punch the shit out of you. Also, we can see how well you want to swim. Or, we can just make sure that you’re on this boat, healed up a little bit, and sent on your way. And you can create whatever story you want. But I do need to know what you were protecting MATT: He’s still being grappled by Yasha, without saying a word. There’s this look of defeat and acceptance of one’s pride. He’s just trying desperately not to engage more than he has to, and glances over towards a crate that is across from where he was sitting that would still be in his visual perspective. But it’s an unsuspecting crate pushed in a cluster of others. He looks in that direction and gives a head nudge MARISHA: I move to it MATT: Okay MARISHA: Before I open it, I’ll look at him and go: Is there a trap in this damn thing? LIAM: Frumpkin lands on his head MATT: “No.” MARISHA: If you’re lying to me, I’ll slit your throat TRAVIS: Do I think he’s lying? MATT: Make an insight check TRAVIS: Eight MATT: Hard to read. He’s a pretty grim fellow What did you say? TALIESIN: I’m going to start heading downstairs to see what the commotion is MATT: Okay. All right LAURA: Would you like googly eyes on your tattoo? Or would you just like smiley face? MATT: “Whatever you want. Please, just let me go.” LAURA: Googly eyes it is. Thank you very much MARISHA: I open the crate very carefully MATT: You lift it up. Looking inside, there’s a few heavy sacks of rice or grain or sand. You can’t really tell. But they’re all lining it for weight on the crate. In the center, there’s a pillow or a piece of folded fabric that’s folded in place in the center. You pull the fabric back, and there you see a very intricate, wooden box It’s about maybe that big. It’s about the size of a shoebox, if you will, but it’s really well-scrolled and carved wood. Like a whittler or a carver spent a lot of time to make it look very beautiful and presentory MARISHA: I pull that out of the crate MATT: It has these chain handles on the sides that dangle on the edge. It has a little latch on it, and it’s locked MARISHA: It’s locked MATT: Yeah. It’s pretty light MARISHA: Hey, Frumpkin, if you’re listening, can you have Caleb tell Nott to come down here, please? LIAM: As soon as Caleb felt Caduceus walk away, he dropped Frumpkin’s sight because he didn’t want to be smacked in the face TALIESIN: Yeah, he’d pat you a couple times LIAM: But Frumpkin will listen to you MATT: The captain on the stop says something like, “Are we done yet?” TRAVIS: Nearly there MARISHA: I look at the guy. Is this trapped? MATT: “I don’t believe so.” MARISHA: What’s your name? MATT: (spitting) TRAVIS: Oh, I really wish you hadn’t done that. I can’t guarantee her reaction to that will be a positive one MARISHA: I’m trying real hard right now. Like, so hard TRAVIS: Yeah, you are. You’ve done really well MATT: “You’ve already guaranteed I lose my job and my wage. What more can you take from me?” TRAVIS: Are you being paid to protect this? MATT: “I was.” TRAVIS: How much? MATT: “150 gold upon my return.” TRAVIS: I’ll give him 70 gold MATT: You just slip it into his pouch? TRAVIS: I’ll walk up and put it in his pouch as Yasha’s holding him MATT: He looks confused and untrusting, like he’s caught off-guard by it MARISHA: We’re trying real hard, man. Like, actively trying real hard MATT: “Soma.” MARISHA: Soma. See, now was that so hard? Did that take you being fucking rude?
MATT: He just glares at you TRAVIS: Are you coming down under? TALIESIN: Yeah, I probably am getting down MARISHA: Oh, hey, Cad! Will you go get Nott? TRAVIS: Actually, while you’re here– TALIESIN: Whoa. Wow. Someone did a number on you TRAVIS: Sorry. Would you mind helping this fellow out and giving him a little love? TALIESIN: I might do both of you. Hi. It’s a pleasure to meet you. I get the feeling you’re having a really bad day MARISHA: Oh, jeez. I’ll go get Nott TALIESIN: I’m going to do a little healing spell down here so everyone’s feeling a little better I’m going to start doing a little healing on both of you. Take a few minutes while you guys figure this out TRAVIS: Thank you. He rocked me. I miss raging TALIESIN: Prayer of Healing on both of them MATT: Okay, there you go. Nott, Beau catches up to you on the other ship SAM: Hold! MARISHA: Nott! SAM: What? What is it? MARISHA: Come here SAM: Stand down, men. Are there any men standing near me? MATT: There are two of the other powder monkeys that are currently playing cards SAM: Stand down. At ease. Wait for my signal TALIESIN: 14 points up for you. 14 points up for him MARISHA: I think Frumpkin really likes me. We had a bonding moment. Frumpkin took care of me and protected me LIAM: I know that it is true because I think his thoughts and he thinks mine. We are the best of friends. He’s the best cat that any man could ever have MARISHA: Okay, bye. And we go SAM: Where are we going? What’s going on? Oh my gosh. Is Fjord dead? MARISHA: No. (whispering) But we found someone and something SAM: Okay, let’s go TRAVIS: While we’re waiting for them, can I pick up his longsword? MATT: Yeah TRAVIS: Can I look at it? MATT: It’s pretty well-made TALIESIN: I still, by the way, have my Detect Magic up. Am I getting anything? MATT: Is Prayer of Healing concentration? TALIESIN: So I would have had it when I came in MATT: When you came in? Yeah. The source of magic was that box TALIESIN: Oh, is that box glowing? MATT: Yeah TALIESIN: By the way, I suppose I would have said: That box is definitely magic. I’d be very careful with that. Yeah, let’s be gentle with it. Was it Soma? Mr. Soma? MATT: “Soma.” TALIESIN: How did you get this gig? I was just curious MATT: “I’m a hired protector.” TALIESIN: I mean, do you work for anybody or do you have a deal with somebody? Do you like who you work with? Seems kind of a rough gig MATT: “It is when people like you come in here and ruin it.” TALIESIN: That’s fair. This is just odd. I mean, I imagine being sent with something I didn’t know anything about by god-knows-who, that will leave a mind to wander. I don’t know MATT: “You’d be surprised how much of an industry revolves around just that.” TALIESIN: Yeah, you know, I would (laughter) MATT: He’s taken aback even more. “I will say, you are definitely the strangest pirates I’ve ever “heard of.” TALIESIN: Sort of a reluctant piracy at the moment TRAVIS: You don’t know the half of it MARISHA: We like to have fun at our job TALIESIN: We like everybody to walk away feeling as okay with everything as possible TRAVIS: We’re going to let you go now and be on our way. I’m going to keep this as a memento. I would advise you to stay below. If you pop up, I can’t guarantee the same good will be extended I’m sure you understand MATT: He nods begrudgingly MARISHA: Nice plate armor, by the way. (clicks tongue) It looks expensive MATT: “It was.” He looks over at the back part of it that’s been smashed to shit by the ogre’s greatclub MARISHA: I toss the box to Nott. Catch! SAM: Ah! What is this? What am I doing? TRAVIS: Careful with that SAM: What do you want me to do? MARISHA: We want you to open it SAM: Me?! Oh, Jesus TRAVIS: Do you want to take this on our ship and let them be on their way? SAM: What if it blows up? I don’t want to blow up our ship. I already did that once today LIAM: (pigeon cooing) Magical traps TALIESIN: Yeah, obviously it is magical, by the way SAM: All right. Step back. Are there any alcoves or closets or chests around here or anything? MATT: There are a number of crates in the vicinity SAM: Okay, I’ll open a crate and put it inside and then move back and use Mage Hand to try to open it or check for traps with it MATT: Checking for traps, you have to get close and inspect it SAM: Oh. Well then I will check for traps first MATT: All right, go for it. Make an investigation check SAM: That is a 20! MATT: It is trapped TALIESIN: How trapped is it?
MATT: It’s a fairly complex trap SAM: Mechanical or magical? MATT: Mechanical TALIESIN: So is the magic not coming from the box? Or what was inside the box? MATT: You gather it’s probably what’s inside the box. You could attempt to disarm SAM: Can I attempt to disarm it with Mage Hand? MATT: Yeah, that’s what Mage Hand can do SAM: Okay, so back up, everyone TALIESIN: Let’s get some distance here SAM: Cover your eyes. Cover your ears TALIESIN: I mean, you got to admit. I bet you’re pretty curious what’s in there MATT: As Yasha’s still clutching him there, he’s like– TALIESIN: Keep everybody okay. I’m going to get a little distance and I’m going to go outside the room, just in case. Mr. Fjord, I would recommend you get some distance as well TRAVIS: I will take that advice and join you MATT: Make a thieves’ tools check, please, with your dexterity SAM: 28 MATT: As the gentle Mage Hand, clutching the thieves’ tools, begins to do this weird ghostly finger dance across, you see it go (clicking) Ting! You hear a spring break. As the Mage Hand shockers the box, sure LIAM: (as Nott) Almost got it! SAM: One in the pooper! (laughter) MATT: You hear the spring break on the interior and it seems the trap has been disabled SAM: I think it worked MARISHA: Fucking open it SAM; Open! MATT: That was disabling the trap. Now you have to open it. Roll to unlock it SAM: Oh, it’s still locked. With thieves’ tools? 27 MATT: There are three locks. There’s one lock in the front, and two on each side. Rapidly, they come open SAM: Wow. I want to go look MATT: Okay. You go to open it up and the inside, it’s soft, velvet interior of the case. There you see a small ceramic pot of some kind, roughly about that big, that has a lid on it, and it is enclosed. Then above it, mashed in there, a paintbrush. About a foot long SAM: A foot-long paintbrush and a little pot of paint MATT: A little pot of paint, it looks like SAM: We’re not going to touch this. We’re going to take these to our friends who know what to do with it MATT: The guard glances over and goes, “This is bullshit. This is fucking bullshit.” MARISHA: What, that you were– MATT: “Yes!” SAM: You were paid to carry this around? Do you think it was a prank? Were you pranked by a friend of yours or something? MATT: “I don’t want to talk about it.” TALIESIN: Mr. Caleb is going to maybe want to take a look at that later. I would recommend hiding it TRAVIS: In a complete attempt to capitalize on your disgruntled feelings, would you mind telling us who paid you to guard this, or where it came from? This paintbrush? MATT: “I’ve already given you too much. Let me go amongst my pride swallowing.” TALIESIN: I feel really bad about this. Can we throw him any money or something? MARISHA: We already threw him money, which means you’re going to tell us who paid you. Come on, man, don’t make us do this the hard way. We’re trying to be good. Who paid you? MATT: “I don’t know.” MARISHA: (deep breath) Come on. What was the agency you sub-contracted from? I know how this shit works MATT: “I do mercenary work out of Port Damali from time to time, and other places along the shore “Normally, some of the higher-paying jobs are a don’t-ask-type scenario.” TRAVIS: Fair enough MARISHA: Thank you TRAVIS: I think we’ve taken up enough of his time You’ve been more than flexible with our questioning MATT: “That is very true.” TALIESIN: I think we won’t mention to anybody that we threw you a little cash. I mean, obviously, that doesn’t need to travel, and, you know, whatever you need to do to maintain. I understand dignity is a thing MARISHA: As well as the fact that you spit in my face. I’m going to leave that here. We’re going to cross out these doors. None of it happened TALIESIN: Actually, if you like, we can walk out of here being very irritated, like: Ugh! That guy Too much MARISHA: Oh, yeah! Do you want us to do that? Like: Ooh! Ah! You got me in my kidney! MATT: He’s just giving the thousand-yard stare into a shadowy corner TRAVIS: I actually do feel that way, so let’s just head up. We’ll head up above MATT: All right. Bouldergut stops and turns around toward him and pats him on the head, and then
follows up behind you guys TALIESIN: I feel like we should leave these people with most of what we– I think this has been enough. I don’t want to, you know, cause any more trouble than we have TRAVIS: I agree. Do you want to make sure everyone’s feeling all right before we– TALIESIN: Anyone else need some healing? Anything real quick? MATT: Captain Jules Errog says, “No! Would you please leave us, if you have everything you need?” LAURA: Lieb! Get back over to your ship! You’re going to miss it! MATT: (panting and whimpering) LAURA: Go go go! TRAVIS: Jester, what are you doing? LAURA: Oh, nothing! MATT: He runs back across like, (panting) LAURA: I made a friend! TRAVIS: Can I reach over and– Come here. I pull his shirt aside. Did you do this? LAURA: He has been marked! MATT: (laughter) (whimpering) MARISHA: That’s rare TRAVIS: Thank you for your hospitality. I am glad that we could complete this transaction peacefully MATT: The captain gives a nod. “Thank you for sparing the lives of my men.” TRAVIS: I wish you calm waters and safe journey We will take it back over to The Squalleater MARISHA: As we’re walking over, I whisper to Fjord and I say: Avantika’s going to want the paintbrush TRAVIS: What? MARISHA: Avantika’s going to want to know about that paintbrush TRAVIS: Not yet MATT: As you guys come across, the rest of Avantika’s crew pulls over the gangplanks. They pull up anchor. Avantika, looking over the opposite side, goes, “Do not pull up your anchor “until we are beyond your sight. if we see you shift beforehand, we will turn right back around.” The other crew nods. Sails unfurl. Wind picks up Ship begins to move. You begin continuing to head westward. Once you’re a little bit out of earshot and Avantika’s keeping an eye off the edge of the ship, looks back to the rest of you and (slow clapping). The rest of the crew begins to clap and there’s a bit of applause. “With that, my friends, welcome, truly, to what it means to be free on the “sea. I’m proud of you. So! Let’s see what you found.” They go to start opening the chest, and we’ll take a break there SAM: Boysie. I’m hiding the little pot-thing, by the way MARISHA: Yeah, but Bouldergut was there SAM: Yeah, that’s true MARISHA: Bouldergut saw everything, so unless we want to bribe Bouldergut– MATT: We’ll get to that when we come back from the break! MARISHA: I have to pee, too TALIESIN: I know. I’m dying MATT: We’ll be back here in just a moment. In the meantime, we do have our Wyrmwood giveaway for the evening. For this, you need to head over to the Critical Role Twitch chat, that’s twitch.tv/criticalrole, to enter. Tonight’s keyword is reef. R-E-E-F. Enter it once. More than once, you’ll be disqualified. Once again, this is only available for people in the US and Canada, excluding Quebec. Tonight we have our fantastic figured myrtlewood dice vault, which is a new wood offered by Wyrmwood, which has actually really cool texture to it. It’s got a weird shimmer. It’s quite pretty and one of you is going to win that when we return! Enter in the Twitch chat and we’ll see you guys here in a few minutes MATT: Welcome back, everyone. The winner of our fantastic figured myrtlewood dice vault TRAVIS: Myrtle! MATT: Myrtlewood! It’s really pretty. Ironically, well-named CaptainCupcake! (cheering) MATT: Congratulations, CaptainCupcake! MARISHA: That’s so cute MATT: (pirate voice) We’ll get that sent to you right rickety-split LIAM: (parrot voice) Captain Cupcake! TALIESIN: (parrot voice) Captain Cupcake! (realistic cawing) Sorry, too much! Reeling it in MATT: Having now made your way on the Squalleater from, as far as I know, all of you, your first real bit of piracy. Pulling away, the chest that was brought on-board is currently being picked and opened by some members of the crew. (thudding) As it folds open, looking inside, you can see it is a mass of gold, silver, copper, and an occasional glimmer of platinum coins. This is quite a bit of change. At which point, the captain looks over to the quartermaster and goes, “Well done. This will
be divvied up appropriately. What else was found? We’ve got some–” and then begin to point out the food, the thawing tropical fruit that was placed there MARISHA: Where’s Bouldergut to me? MATT: Bouldergut’s sitting there with the rest of you, looking around and listening to the captain, looking off into the distance. Maybe ten feet from you MARISHA: Okay SAM: (stilted) I have to go check on the cannons downstairs. I’ll be back later TALIESIN: Wow MATT: Make a deception check SAM: Minus three. Ten LIAM: I rolled a 12 on insight MATT: The captain glances past and goes, “Eh, why don’t you stay here, at least until we’re finished divvying up all the findings.” SAM: Of course, Captain. I am at your beck-and-call TALIESIN: So weird MATT: “You’re telling me. All right, anything else? What transpired below? You have not told me what happened. Apparently, there was some sort of a scuffle?” and Bouldergut goes, “(deep chuckle) Yeah. Tiny man in armor.” You begin to realize, at this point, not a whole lot of timbre difference between the male and female ogres that you have encountered in your time. It’s generally just more hair on the top of the head– stubble’s about the same TRAVIS: Indeed, there was a man in full plate armor who got quite a few shots in MARISHA: One less pirate and one less shipper trying to prove himself a hero. Thought he could stand up to the lot of us MATT: “That is impressive. Did you finish him off?” MARISHA: Well, we didn’t kill him, but we definitely embarrassed him thoroughly, something that I find some men find worse than death MATT: “I’m impressed, you are all very strongly adhering to this not-killing aspect of piracy. I can tell you from experience, it does not last very long, but I respect the intent. Anything else?” MARISHA: I heard there were some very good tropical fruits, super rare, in this crate. Based on what I found, (clicks). Good meal later on TALIESIN: Did we keep the sword? I don’t remember TRAVIS: We did, yes. I kept a memento. I hold up the longsword MATT: She looks at you, “Hmm, not bad.” Bouldergut leans in, right over your shoulder, Beau, and goes, “What’s the–” MARISHA: I slip her 30 gold MATT: Make a sleight of hand check SAM: Bribing the crew in front of the captain MARISHA: I’m not– I’m trying to– Oh my god, are you serious? LIAM: It’s a seven MARISHA: Oh, is it? LIAM: Yeah, it’s a seven MARISHA: That’s still not great LIAM: No TRAVIS: That’s a one MARISHA: That brings me to an 11? LAURA: Is it a one or a seven? TRAVIS: That’s a one LIAM: Oh, it is a one! MARISHA: It is a one? Nope, it’s a one! SAM: Clang, clang-clang MATT: As you reach back, your coins slip from your grasp, and (clattering coins) all across– MARISHA: Fucking hole in my pouch. Shit, how did that– MATT: Bouldergut goes (grunts) and starts helping you pick them up, but fumbling with her giant fingers MARISHA: Thank you. Good show everybody, everybody great time. Just wanted a round of applause LAURA: (cheering) MARISHA: Captain Tusktooth! LAURA: Go Captain Tusktooth! MARISHA: Sorry. Quartermaster Tusktooth, formerly captain for us MATT: “Indeed.” MARISHA: Anyway, it was a good day TALIESIN: Start doing a little more healing on you MATT: Avantika gives a keen look towards Beau, nods LAURA: Captain Avantika? MATT: “Yes, Jester?” LAURA: Would you like a tattoo? MATT: “I already have plenty, but thank you, I appreciate the offer.” LAURA: If you want any more, or if you want any of the ones you have improved, just let me know MATT: “I will keep that under consideration Anyway, regardless, well done. Impressive work “Let’s continue on to the Dragshallow Reefs. Come on.”
SAM: (running feet pattering) LAURA: What are you hiding? I chase after Nott MATT: You catch up to Nott. Are you going as well, or is it just you two? SAM: I’m going downstairs MARISHA: What are people doing? MATT: That’s what I’m asking: what are people doing? MARISHA: We act casual TRAVIS: I stay up to entertain Avantika MARISHA: I, sensing my biff, casually I turn to Ipess and say: Hey man, great work down there. How great was that? MATT: “You as well. It was very impressive.” MARISHA: So impressive, right? MATT: “You beat the shit out of that man.” MARISHA: I fucking– right? Saw that adrenaline pumping MATT: “I could tell that. It was very nice, well done.” MARISHA: Anyway, good day, man. I go downstairs MATT: “You too. Goodbye.” TALIESIN: I’m going to head down, obviously tired, and just go follow you guys to take a nap MATT: Anyone else doing anything? LAURA: I’m following Nott MARISHA: I’m trailing them TRAVIS: Bring that fucking wizard down here with you MARISHA: I try to find Caleb. They do that MATT: Okay, you find Caleb. Caleb, if you haven’t left the top of the deck– LIAM: No, I’ve been exactly where I was. Do you want to know more about my cat? Because you walked off before. The funny thing about a cat is that they are very persnickety but with the right person, they are not. Frumpkin with me, we are just so MARISHA: Genuine question: have you been telling this story the entire time I’ve been gone? LIAM: No, that would be– I’m a very intelligent person. That would be foolish. I don’t talk to thin air. Also, some people say that they have nine lives, which is funny, because we– MARISHA: That’s great. You know what? I have something I think that you would be deeply interested in, maybe LIAM: Did you find books? MARISHA: I didn’t. Fucking, goddamn it TRAVIS: I forgot to look too. I did too MARISHA: I didn’t find fucking books LIAM: It’s a long shot. We are on the– MARISHA: Okay, books, cats, I get it, that’s so good. Love your fascination of both the most boring things that I can think about, including books and cats. But let’s go look at something awesome LIAM: You thought it too, didn’t you? LIAM, MARISHA, and MATT: (singing) Books and cats and books and cats and books and cats LIAM: Ja. You’re telling me your love of higher learning, I understand. Did you need something? Because you clearly don’t want to hear about cats, so we could end this now MARISHA: Just keep your mouth shut for like 30 damn seconds LAURA: What’d you find? MARISHA: Follow me LAURA: What’d you find? MARISHA: We bring him to them LAURA: What’d you find? What was it? What are you hiding? I want to know! SAM: Where are we? Let’s get into our rooms. We’re going to go into our cabins MATT: All right, you go to your chambers SAM and MARISHA: Hi LAURA: Oh, hi! Nott’s hiding something TALIESIN: I’m keeping a close eye on what’s going on, this is very– they’re being so sketchy MATT: Yasha pulls in, “What is going on?” MARISHA: Shh, come in, shut up. Did anyone follow you? MATT: “No.” SAM: The captain can be invisible. She might be in this room with us right now LAURA: (gasping) Let’s all walk around, walk around the whole room SAM: Just do this LAURA: Oh, that’s you. That’s you, Nott. Okay, hi TALIESIN: (laughter) That tickles SAM: Do we feel anything? MATT: No LIAM: That would have been so awesome TRAVIS: (impact) (gasping) TRAVIS and MARISHA: Shank shank shank! (laughter) MARISHA: (wailing) SAM: Here’s what I got! It’s a magical paintbrush! MARISHA: Do the thing. Figure it out SAM: Identify it LAURA: (gasps) Should I draw with it? Should I do something with it? SAM: Not yet LIAM: I can talk now? Okay MARISHA: Yes. Just not about cats and books LAURA: What is it? LIAM: I will still help you. I need a moment, so I set it down and start scrawling on the floor around it, and about ten minutes later I have– MARISHA: In the meantime, I’m like: Oh my god! So, what happened? Is it like a tattoo? LAURA: Yeah! It was amazing! MARISHA: When are you going to do a tattoo on me? MATT: The full box? Are you inspecting the full box? LIAM: No, because– well, I guess I wasn’t there No, I mean, if they put the box down in front of me MARISHA: I opened the box. This is the paintbrush and the ink SAM: Is it a big box? MATT: The box is about shoebox size SAM: But it’s the size of the item contained within
MATT: Correct, yeah SAM: It’s not giant or anything MATT: No MARISHA: Caduceus detected magic, and it was glowy LIAM: That’s a lucky find MARISHA: That’s what I’m saying, so I need to figure out what it is LIAM: You, shush, now, give me a moment (mechanical noises) Ten minutes later, after I transform into an Autobot, I cast Identify through the ritual spellcasting feat (gasping) TRAVIS: Ooh, that’s a big old thing! TALIESIN: That’s a novel LAURA: What is it, Caleb? LIAM: I need time. It’s a long piece of paper. It’s a lot of knowledge SAM: Long spell LIAM: So you talk amongst yourselves for one minute LAURA: What do you want a tattoo of? SAM: What do you think it– Oh, a tattoo, if we could pick any tattoo? TRAVIS: Trecorum Satis Dee? TALIESIN: Trecorum Satis Dee. You’re welcome SAM: You mean, what physical attribute would we increase, or what would you want the tattoo to be a picture of? LAURA: Yeah, no, what do you want a tattoo of, like a picture of MARISHA: I’ve had an idea LAURA: What is it? MARISHA: For just a little bit. So this is going to be stupid TRAVIS: Probably MARISHA: You’re not, fucking– TRAVIS: (high-pitched) Not there! (laughter) MARISHA: The Not There Fairy? Not there! TRAVIS: Flying away! TALIESIN: (singing) Not there MATT: Cousin of the Metagaming Pigeon, the Not There Imp. Not There Fairy, there you go. Don’t forget, Nott, you still have that marble, silver shield thing SAM: Yeah, can he do more than one Identify at a time? MATT: You can take time to do it a few times LIAM: It’s endless, but it takes ten minutes SAM: Oh. You mean, the shield? MATT: The shield, yeah TRAVIS: Oh, fuck yeah LAURA: What? MARISHA: I have this idea, because Molly, on the back of his coat, his neck, his tattoo? TALIESIN: He had it in the tattoo and the coat, yeah MARISHA: On the back of his tattoo, he had an all-seeing eye, and I just, I don’t know, I thought it was really cool, I feel like it could be cool to have it on my back, right below my neck LAURA: I think Molly would like that MARISHA: Yeah LAURA: I mean, I don’t know, maybe it was really sacred to him and he would be really super offended by it MARISHA: Oh, yeah, maybe it would, like I stole it from him? LAURA: But it’s fine, I’m sure MARISHA: Yeah, you know, he’s dead, so, what’s he going to do? ALL: Wow TALIESIN: I was about to say, you can roll a d20 and if you roll a 20 I’ll tell you what Molly would have thought MARISHA: We’ll do that later SAM: Any news, Caleb? LAURA: What is it? LIAM: Sit down LAURA: Okay, okay! LIAM: This is your lucky day. This is very dangerous to give to you, but you are the perfect person to have it, so of course, well, here it is, it is yours. This will allow you to paint things and they become real MARISHA: Yes! I was so hoping for this! TRAVIS: What do you mean? SAM: Anything? LIAM: Almost anything. Nothing too fancy MARISHA: Isn’t that an old Chinese folklore, a magic paintbrush? TALIESIN: This is some Bugs Bunny shit MARISHA: It’s the magic paintbrush TRAVIS: Like the “Who Framed Roger Rabbit” warehouse? TALIESIN: Oh yeah TRAVIS: Singing sword, and black hole? LIAM: This will allow her to paint a door and there to be a door. This will allow her to paint a sword and there will be a sword TRAVIS: What? LIAM: All you can eat, Fjord SAM: Wait MATT: It does eventually use up the paint over time LAURA: It can do a thousand square feet of surface? I mean, I learn from you in a moment? LIAM: I explain it all in about a minute SAM: When you walk down an alley and paint dicks– SAM and MARISHA: There’ll be real dicks! LAURA: (yelling) SAM: Just dicks everywhere, dicks and dicks! TRAVIS: Dicks hanging out the walls MATT: (laughter) I didn’t think this through! TRAVIS: (laughter) “I didn’t think this through?” SAM: Just a wall full of dicks! TALIESIN: How did you not think this through? This was inevitably where this was going MATT: No, in hindsight, it occurs to me SAM: If someone falls asleep, you could paint a dick on their head, and they’ll have a dick on their head! LAURA: (shouting) Oh my god! SAM: (yelling) LAURA: This is my favorite thing in the entire universe TRAVIS: (newscaster voice) A rash of wild dicks have appeared in Wildemount and through the Dwendalian Empire. No one can explain the huge dongs protruding from walls, sculptures, and holy places LAURA: This is the most amazing thing in the entire universe TALIESIN: Fields of phalli LAURA: I won’t lose it, I won’t! Caleb! LIAM: So just don’t create a penis on my head, okay? And we’re square LAURA: I promise I will not draw a penis on your head LIAM: Excellent SAM: Can it make living things? TRAVIS: A finite amount of ink, or what? LIAM: No, it cannot do that SAM: Not living things LAURA: Inanimate LIAM: It cannot create fabulous jewels, and it cannot create piles of gold MARISHA: Haha, dick joke LAURA: But it can get us an escape from somewhere, it can– SAM: If we wanted to spirit ourselves away from this boat in the middle of the night, she could paint us a boat MATT: She would need a surface to paint it on SAM: Oh. Paper?
TALIESIN: It would be a really big– you would have a tiny boat SAM: Not a ship, I’m talking about a raft, she could just paint a little raft and we could (boop) TALIESIN: Then we’d be a raft in the ocean LIAM: You could, in theory, paint a small boat on the deck of the ship if no one was watching, but that would be a difficult thing to do TALIESIN: That would take a long time, though MARISHA: This is a real conversation we actually need to have, with the entire group present, speaking of SAM: We’re here MARISHA: Except for Fjord SAM: Oh, Fjord TALIESIN: We’re heading to port regardless. I figure at some point– MARISHA: Yeah, I feel like before port. We need a plan before port TRAVIS: Before port LAURA: Oh my god, this is the most amazing thing in the entire universe TALIESIN: I figure things don’t change regardless, as long as we’re on the ocean TRAVIS: Before port (snaps fingers) MATT: You only had to actually be pirates and fucking roll a ship to get it, so live with that LAURA: I’m okay, I can live with that TRAVIS: Does it say how much paint it comes with? LAURA: It comes with enough to cover a thousand square feet of surface TRAVIS: Wow, okay MARISHA: I don’t want to waste that LAURA: So if I made a ship then it would use a lot of it MARISHA: We could just steal a ship LAURA: But I mean, lots of things that are little, oh my god SAM: Or one pretty nice-size apartment LAURA: Just think about how many dicks that is! If it’s like a five-inch dick, that’s like 2000 dicks TRAVIS: What if you painted a 500-pound diamond? LAURA: No, you can’t do that TRAVIS: Okay LIAM: It would create a facsimile of that, but it would be worthless TRAVIS: Got it TALIESIN: The things it makes are not– SAM: Quick, Caleb, Identify this in ten minutes. I give you the shield to Identify LIAM: What? (see-n-spell voice) This is a Formica table, green is its color TALIESIN: I have good news: your favorite chewing gum– MARISHA: Fjord MATT: Goddamn it SAM: What can your imagination make? Keys Ladders TRAVIS: (singing) TALIESIN: Rope SAM and TALIESIN: Outfits SAM: Clothes? LAURA: If you want, they’re non-magical items MATT: Yeah SAM: Catwoman outfits MATT: Technically LIAM: This is good, this can blast an enemy with a bit of arcane oomph SAM: A shield that can fight? LIAM: A little bit, yeah SAM: That’s so cool. Who can use a shield? Do we have any shields? TRAVIS: Well, Caduceus LAURA: I have a shield LIAM: You have a shield? SAM: Caduceus? TALIESIN: I have a shield. Do you need a shield? TRAVIS: My AC’s 17 LIAM: Did we bring him down here yet? MATT: No LIAM: Go to hell MARISHA: Oh, I was going to say: I go get Fjord TALIESIN: Can I take a look at that thing, maybe? MARISHA: Casually, but like I don’t want to interrupt, like a cocktail party MATT: Okay MARISHA: I do the: When you’re ready, just (clicks tongue). Just where we are LAURA: Maybe because it’s up-close and personal with Fjord, or it could be good for us TRAVIS: Why don’t you protect the clerics? LAURA and TALIESIN: Well… (laughter) TRAVIS: Aw TALIESIN: What’s your AC again? TRAVIS: 17. (pause) No, you guys have it LAURA: It’s pretty cool TALIESIN: Yeah, I really like my shield, though, but this is interesting SAM: Can I use a shield? No TALIESIN: No MATT: I don’t think you– LAURA: (laughter) “No!” MARISHA: Technically anyone can use a shield, but if you’re not proficient in it– MATT: Technically anyone can use a shield, but you’re not proficient you get a bunch of bad things TALIESIN: This would push it to 18. All right MARISHA: Because we’ve just covered this in our Handbooker Helper episode SAM: Oh! Light armor MARISHA: Uh-huh TALIESIN: All right MATT: Correct, no shields TRAVIS: Consider it a gift, after nearly dying TALIESIN: Fair TRAVIS: In the past, well, now eight days TALIESIN: I may just, for my own personal aesthetic, try and mount my beetle wings onto this, but I like it. I’ll do that later MATT: All right SAM: What do we do now, Fjord? MATT: I’ll have to add it to there myself TALIESIN: You’ll have to add it? MATT: It’s a custom item MARISHA: I told him, “When you’re ready, this is where we are.” TALIESIN: In the meantime, it’s just plus one to my AC. How many attuned items can I have at this level? MATT: For any level it’s three TALIESIN: Three, all right LIAM: Let’s get Captain Tusktooth down here, because that was an interesting afternoon, but it was not what I want to do with the rest of my life MARISHA: I have a lot of ideas TRAVIS: Yeah, I’ll find my way back down to the rest of them MATT: Okay, there you go
TRAVIS: What’d we get? SAM: Nothing TRAVIS: Shit LAURA: Just some paint TRAVIS: Weird that they would have an armored guy with a longsword protecting a paintbrush that does nothing MARISHA: How do you feel about floating dicks? TRAVIS: I’m not opposed MARISHA: All right SAM: It’s a floating dick-making paint TALIESIN: Better than sinking dicks, I suppose LAURA: I mean, should I try it, just to see? SAM: Don’t waste any paint, but yes! LAURA: I’m going to paint on the floor the teeniest of dicks. Like, this big MATT: Okay. You take a little bit, you do this little dick, and suddenly– SAM: A flaccid penis, or an erect penis? LAURA: An erect penis MARISHA: Of course LIAM: That’s the go-to MATT: Okay, and you paint it, and finish it, and you look at it, and take the edge of the paintbrush and nudge it, and it rolls a bit (surprised laughter) MATT: It’s like a stone sculpture; it’s not fleshy, it’s not made of flesh TRAVIS: You didn’t Frankenstein, make that triumphant bastard into life MATT: Yeah, you’re not turning this into Second Life, with all the different fucking floppy dicks flying everywhere TRAVIS: It’s not the dick brush, it’s the paintbrush! LAURA: Wait, I have a question, then. If I make a tree, if I draw a tree, would the tree be made of stone or would it be made out of– would it look like a tree? MATT: You’d have to find out and try TALIESIN: This may actually give you– wait, what is your AC bonus to your shield? TRAVIS: Just +1 TALIESIN: This would actually– this doesn’t give me an 18, this just keeps me at 17 because I was already at a +2 with my shield TRAVIS: Oh! MATT: No, it’s +2 and then +1 on top of that TALIESIN: Oh okay, so right now it’s only giving me a +2 MATT: Hmm, I’ll double-check that TALIESIN: Maybe I haven’t– oh, never mind, now it’s working, there we go. I hadn’t attuned it MATT: Ah, there you go LAURA: I pick up the little stone penis. Who wants it? TRAVIS: So we found a paintbrush that you can paint things and they will come into being? Is that what it is? SAM: That’s right TRAVIS: Wow, and the shield? TALIESIN: A little gaudy for my tastes, but I’m going to do a little work to it LIAM: Will hurt your enemies, not just protect you TRAVIS: Can I just ask how everybody– humor me– feels after today? MARISHA: Wow TALIESIN: Prefer not to make a habit of that TRAVIS: Yeah, me neither MARISHA: I mean, it feels like a bucket list item checked off the list, but, there were several times that I might have questioned everything that we were doing TRAVIS: Wait, bucket list as in “hijack a ship before you die” kind of a thing? MARISHA: I mean, we just had the full pirate experience that a travel agency could not provide It was very authentic, and that was amazing TALIESIN: You’re hard to follow sometimes, you know that? MARISHA: Huh? TALIESIN: Ah, nothing, just– TRAVIS: Nott, I’d ask if you have any reservations, but you seemed very enthusiastic about today’s– SAM: I was born to be a cannoneer TRAVIS: Uh-huh. I can’t promise there will be a lot of that but at least I know that you’re DTF, cool. Caleb? MARISHA: Down To Fire! TRAVIS: Yep, fire. Caleb, how you doing? LIAM: I mean, this is a matter of survival. If we do not cooperate, she’s going to kill us. I’m not opposed, per se, to what went down today, but it’s not what I want to do with my life. I would prefer to break away from this woman, but we’re here for you right now. You are trying to figure out, you know, your thing. I think I’d like to hear from you what the long-term plan is. Are we on the ship, in the sea? Is that what you’re after? TRAVIS: Yeah, actually I do have some news to share. Avantika apparently has come across my old mentor, Vandren, before. She knew him. Apparently he carried the same sword that I have, it’s called the Sword of Fathoms. Has a name. She’s of the opinion that he always carried on him the sword and another one of those spheres, an eye. She asked me if I knew where the ship that I was on went down. I did recall the area and she believes that if we were to search that shipwreck we might find this third sphere. She has the ability to mess with water now, and in some of the dreams I’ve been having, I believe there’s quite a bit more where that has come from MARISHA: Still having those dreams, then TRAVIS: Not all the time. I admit, I’ve been very excited about all of this, but the things I see
are world changing. Scary MARISHA: In a good way or a bad way? TRAVIS: I don’t know MARISHA: Or is it dependent on the operator? TRAVIS: I don’t know that either LIAM: What is the good scenario, the good version, of releasing a massive serpent onto the Menagerie Coast? TRAVIS: Well when you say it like that… I don’t know. I meant only the power that might come before that happens LAURA: Does the serpent get released if the little orbs are spread out amongst other people or do they all have to be in one person? TRAVIS: I– TALIESIN: Or three? TRAVIS: I actually don’t know. I’m just assuming that because she placed her sphere at the bottom of that well in that temple, there are two other temples which we have to do the same thing and that might lead to the release of that serpent MARISHA: But you think that one of the other’s spheres is at the bottom of the shipwreck. Not necessarily a temple TRAVIS: Right, the third sphere, and I have the second MARISHA: But you– LAURA: But doesn’t she have two spheres? SAM: No, she had one, but she got rid of it. Fjord has one MARISHA: Fjord and he traded it for power SAM: So it would good for us to get that last one so that she can’t LAURA: What if she does get the last one? SAM: Then we would have failed MARISHA: Well, at least she would be twice as powerful as Fjord is one TRAVIS: It would be a lot for one person MARISHA: I mean there’s also– SAM: She would want the third MARISHA: Which is inside of you SAM: Which means she would want Fjord’s body TRAVIS: Correct. Can I just take a second and ask Caduceus to check the door? TALIESIN: I’ve been paying very close attention and listening in to the hallway and trying to keep a very– MATT: Make a perception check TALIESIN: (blows raspberry) 15 MATT: Okay. It seems to be fairly clear TALIESIN: Haven’t heard any footsteps or– MATT: No SAM: Look at the port window! Is there a port window? MATT: In the room you’re in currently, there is not a port window TRAVIS: Without saying too much more, I think it’s best that we all listen to Caleb’s words and play along MARISHA: Uh-huh TRAVIS: We’ll be making our way to Darktow MARISHA: Yeah TRAVIS: And then we will reevaluate SAM: But the overall mission is to get– Don’t say anything? TRAVIS: Just feel like– and I’ll try and be subtle as possible that only the people in the room would hear. (whispering) There are people that we can’t see. I just don’t feel like this is the best place to converse SAM: We’ve been feeling around the air TRAVIS: It’s not our ship TALIESIN: I feel like for the time being, it just might be best to– be the best we can be here and be as helpful as humanly possible. Our goals are relatively aligned and as long as we don’t have to hurt anybody, I’m all right. But the rest of these people– MARISHA: Do we (whispering) need more information? TALIESIN: Always MARISHA: (whispering) To find your ship? TRAVIS: I think I would know the location based off the trade route MATT: You know the general vicinity of where it would have happened. It would take a little bit of searching and a little bit of– you know TRAVIS: At the bottom of the fucking ocean? MATT: Yeah. Depending on what you have at your disposal, like definitely narrow the search, but if it’s just based on your memory it would take a while to find it, but you know the general area where it went down MARISHA: Sotto: I was debating heavily in watching Avantika to see if, with a distraction of trying to board the pirate ship today, that I can maybe sneak into her office with the distraction. But I
noticed she was very adamant holding back and watching the entire scenery. It was not safe to go into her quarters. If we need to get into her office, I think it’s going to have to be an important enough and big enough distraction LAURA: Maybe, Fjord, you can, like, go seduce her or something. Then, you know, with the seduction, then (whispers) you can sneak into her office SAM: Some people give up information when they’ve been seduced as well TRAVIS: Mm-hmm SAM: Is that something you could do? TRAVIS: All good ideas LAURA: It just seems like she’s into you, you know? SAM: I noticed that as well TRAVIS: Trying to use that to our advantage MARISHA: (whispers) You’re doing great! TRAVIS: Thanks, I appreciate it. I’m trying to keep her close. If she starts to suspect us, we’ll be in trouble. If anyone feels uncomfortable with how things are going, please, let me know. My curiosity is not worth dying for or doing something you feel like you’d regret. I value what everyone thinks here MARISHA: I think if we don’t do anything, it means your eventual demise TRAVIS: Well, that’s just fucking dark SAM: No, I think she’s right LAURA: Yeah, I think you’re fucked MARISHA: Unless we beat Avantika to the punch LAURA: If you don’t fuck, you’re going to get fucked SAM: Ooh! (laughter) TRAVIS: Now, Jester, where would you learn a phrase like that? LAURA: I lived– SAM: She lived in a brothel LAURA: Yeah SAM: Do what you need to do to get all the information out of her that you can. If we see you cozying up with her, we’ll know. We’ll know that it’s just an act TRAVIS: Cool, yeah. Caleb said something similar last night– or, a couple days ago. All right, well, enjoy the paintbrush MARISHA: Oh is that it? Is that our meeting? Okay, yeah TRAVIS: I mean, we’re going to find our way to Darktow LAURA: Does it make you uncomfortable? Do you want someone else to seduce her? MARISHA: Yeah, because I volunteer LIAM: She’s made her interest pretty clear TALIESIN: Well, when we want to find the ship, I think I might be able to help TRAVIS: With the seducing? TALIESIN: What? No. I mean, no. Definitely not TRAVIS: I mean, Caduceus, if you want to teach me a thing a two about wooing a woman– TALIESIN: Yeah no, I really don’t think I have anything to add to that. I think you’ve been doing just fine TRAVIS: Yes to what you said, and yes to what you said TALIESIN: I think I might be able to help you find the ship MARISHA: You want me to help seduce Avantika TRAVIS: You just do you, girl MARISHA: All right TALIESIN: I don’t understand what any of this is anymore TRAVIS: Yeah, I think that will be very valuable when the time comes TALIESIN: I thought– Oh, about finding the ship, that’s all TRAVIS: About what time of the day is it? MATT: At this point, it’s later afternoon MARISHA: Oh! It’s early TRAVIS: Time to break out the banana margaritas! It’s only afternoon! MARISHA: It’s four o’clock! MATT: It’s like five or so; you’re like an hour or two from dusk MARISHA: Okay SAM: Let’s just do our jobs. I’ve got a cannon to fix TRAVIS: Sounds good MATT: All right MARISHA: I’m going to make some barrels? TRAVIS: Caleb, can I speak to you for a moment? Above deck? LIAM: Of course TRAVIS: I’ll go up LIAM: I will follow MATT: The rest of you go about your business? LAURA: I will follow TALIESIN: I’m going to take a nap. Taking a short rest MATT: Yasha does the same LAURA: I’m going to stand at a distance looking over the rail MATT: Okay TRAVIS: How far away are you? LIAM: How far away is she? We’re in broad daylight LAURA: I’m like, you know, far away SAM: Six, seven feet LAURA: Just looking out, looking, drawing, I’m very distracted LIAM: Just dicks dropping into the ocean TRAVIS: (splashing) (laughter) MATT: How far away are you, Jester? LAURA: I think 15 feet MATT: 15 feet LIAM: Not far TRAVIS: Seeing where Jester is, I’ll pull Caleb aside. May I ask you a frank question?
LIAM: Of course you can. I scan around for Avantika MATT: Make a perception check LIAM: Okay. That is a 22 MATT: Looking about, across the deck, you do not see her currently near or visible TRAVIS: I had to admit I found myself a bit surprised. My initial impression of you was someone a bit timid and maybe reserved; meek even Your tone, your opinion of what to do with Avantika in order to make sure that we’re okay, it seemed very… calculated. Very… risky. Do you mind me asking if you’ve– Have you ever sacrificed anything in order to achieve a greater goal? Because I feel like I am swimming in the deep end and I don’t quite know what I’m doing LIAM: You are dealing with very large responsibilities right now. I don’t envy your position. You know, my father was a soldier and he expected a lot. I learned a lot from him. I’ve tried to live up to the man that he was and I’ve largely failed, but I’ve picked up what I could Used my wits, understand my surroundings. I wish I had half the courage he did. I don’t know. You know, I think traveling with all of you has emboldened me some. I was alone for a long time and ran from everything. I like this group and I enjoy traveling with you, Fjord TRAVIS: Likewise. You don’t miss much, do you? LIAM: I’ve always been like that; I have a very good memory. I remember everything TRAVIS: You have a very shrewd sensibility as well. You seem to be able to weigh pros and cons in an equation, a scenario LIAM and TRAVIS: Math brain LIAM: I feel like a fool much of the time. I’m glad you think so highly of me TRAVIS: I do. I don’t mean any of it as a critique, but more as a compliment and I’ll add with it a request. Keep that eye of yours on Avantika for me. I don’t entirely know what her intentions are, but I feel like there are only a few that I could ask to exercise quick judgment in a moment of need LIAM: I start nervously twiddling a wire in my hand absentmindedly TRAVIS: I think you know what I mean, but in case this thing gets out of hand, can I count on you to right the ship if need be? LIAM: Keep the group safe? TRAVIS: Of course LIAM: As always, I will do my best TRAVIS: Thank you and thank you for talking with me LIAM: I cough very hard into my hands and cast Message to him and briefly, quietly say: I think that woman is going to try to kill you, I really do TRAVIS: Yeah. Just so. I’ll turn and walk off LIAM: (coughing) LAURA: You need some water, Caleb? LIAM: Yeah, do you have some? LAURA: Uh. (pause) I create water in my hands TRAVIS: Wait, you can do that?
LIAM: I receive it. There’s not much left. Most of it spilled LAURA: I’ll keep creating it in your hands as you drink SAM: You can create water? LAURA: Yeah SAM: When did that happen? LAURA: I’ve always been able to do it TRAVIS: What do you mean? LAURA: Shut up LIAM: Is this a custom? LAURA: Yes. Just keep drinking. Keep going LIAM: It’s good MATT: A few more days’ travel to Darktow. A couple of moments here. In one night that you are in your room sketching your book, testing out some of your new paints, you feel a hand on your shoulder. You glance over and you can see the pale, soft fingers and a dark greenish sleeve resting there. You glance over to the side and you can see the draping hood and the slight curved smile across the angular chin of the Traveler protruding from beneath the cloak LAURA: Hi MATT: “Hello. I see you found a new toy.” LAURA: I have magical paint! MATT: “Well I’m quite excited at the things you’re capable of, Jester. How are things?” LAURA: They’re pretty good. Did you want me to make you something with the paint? MATT: “Surprise me.” LAURA: Okay. Um, Traveler? MATT: “Yes, my dear?” LAURA: Are you having fun on our trip? MATT: “Yes, I’ve been… pleasantly surprised.” LAURA: We’re pirates! MATT: “I know, your tenacity is impressive.” LAURA: We stole things, but they gave something back just like you always teach, you know? MATT: “Maintain that balance. That seed of chaos.” LAURA: Traveler, how do I make a boy like me? MATT: “Well there are many different enchantments that could achieve the goals you seek.” LAURA: I don’t know if I want to do it with an enchantment MATT: “Trickery?” LAURA: Maybe? MATT: “Listen. Listen to what piques his interest And then happen to be the source when he needs it “If that fails, there are plenty of enchantments that can sway his mind.” LAURA: I mean, right? You’ll help me out with that? MATT: “I’ll do my best.” LAURA: You’re not jealous, are you? MATT: “No.” LAURA: You’ll always be my number one love MATT: “I know. So what are you making me?” LAURA: I want it to be a surprise for you, I can’t tell you MATT: “I’ll wait.” LAURA: Okay. I’m glad you’re here MATT: “I’m never far.” LAURA: It’s a surprise! MATT: (laughs) What are you making him? LAURA: Oh gosh. Oh my goodness. Okay, with my magical paint– Oh gosh. I was planning on fucking up some other things, but right now I will make a little shrine, like a little statue of the Traveler, that way I can pray to him MATT: As you finish painting it, it takes gravity It almost seems to fall a centimeter and center itself. It goes from a two-dimensional shift, it’s almost like blinking– LAURA: I want him shimmery green MATT: Sitting up from the edge of the bed, the cloaked figure walks over and lifts it and inspects it and places it back down
LAURA: What do you think? MATT: “You’re getting better.” LAURA: I could leave these around other places? What do you think? MATT: “Preferably where it would be the least expected.” LAURA: Okay MATT: “And the creepiest to find.” LAURA: Okay MATT: “I’m excited.” LAURA: I’ve got to get to work MATT: “Yes.” LAURA: I can make so many of these MATT: “Make me proud, Jester.” LAURA: I will MATT: “The time’s coming soon, we’ll meet the rest of your brethren.” MARISHA: What? LAURA: Right, I wrote it down! It’s soon, right? MARISHA: What does that mean? SAM: (whispering) The rest of your brethren? LAURA: Yeah, in like less than a year TRAVIS: What? MATT: “Soon, my dear.” MARISHA: Is there like an Advent calendar? MATT: As you look up from your notes, closing your book, you turn to look and the Traveler is gone TRAVIS: That’s the first we heard that, right? MARISHA: Less than a year? LAURA: Yeah! I wrote down the date somewhere, I know it TRAVIS: We heard that before, right? MATT: You guys don’t know anything LIAM: Private conversation MATT: Fjord TRAVIS: Yeah? MATT: Maybe two days out from the reefs you go to bed that night TRAVIS: (whispering) Oh shit! (background music) MATT: As sleep takes you, you find yourself kicking through the thick sludge-like waters that surround you. Sluggish in your movements, the darkness all-encompassing, yourself alone in these shadowed depths. A faint green light is visible in the distance. You push and swim towards it, light glowing brighter. Closer. As that grows closer, a second light, even further, impossibly distant but you can acknowledge it, rests on the horizon. As that first light gets brighter, you can see this source taking shape. It’s a figure. Female. Nude, also swimming. Avantika, emanating this strange green glow. Swimming ahead of you, her body wreathed in this faint greenish-yellow aura. She looks and points to you. The waters around you seem to glow the same color light. You look down at your body and you see that you are now the third glowing source of this green energy Suddenly, the waters are easy to traverse. What was once sluggish and difficult to Fjord is second nature. A voice comes through. “Watching.” The distant light you see suddenly dives with incredible speed. Nearly out of sight, Avantika dives down after rocketing down below you Breakneck in her speed, you dart after her to give chase, moving far quicker than you anticipated You realize the water is becoming thinner and thinner, like air. You’re falling. Three shooting stars plummeting through a dark sky. “Learn.” Glancing down below this endless void you plummet towards, you make out the details from a surface rushing towards you. You plummet towards an ocean The faint distance endless glittering of moving shifting waves of some sourceless moonlight, just barely giving the shapes below, with three large masses beneath you like a misshapen triangle of land masses of incongruent sizes. One, two, three You rocket downward towards the space between the three, the center of this triangle. Hitting the waters of the ocean with tremendous force, impact but no pain. You sink. The light of the other two figures glittering through the lightless waters Down, down, you sink. Until you see a structure coming to view from below. A tilted
tower, wrapped in sea vines, the hollow center providing a wide tunnel further within. You peer inside this empty tunnel of the tower’s depths and watch as a sudden bright, yellow light shines from within: a gleaming yellow eye. “Reward.” As the two other lights seem to try and drift towards you, behind you, you fall into darkness and the dream ends TRAVIS: Fuck. I wake up and immediately grab the map MARISHA: Yes, queen, yes LIAM: The wettest dream MARISHA: Fucking triangulation shit TRAVIS: Yeah TALIESIN: Blow me into Bermuda TRAVIS: Okay MARISHA: Because we were over here, right? In the reefs? Uk’otoa? TRAVIS: Well, Urukayxl, and we’ve been heading towards Darktow, so we’ve been coming across– did we pass the wall? Coming in this direction, did we pass– MATT: You did, you passed south of it. Your piracy stunt hit right at this trade route there TRAVIS: Okay MARISHA: I mean, if it’s a triangulation– SAM: Why would there be one there? MARISHA: Well, this is where we’re going, technically this is the shipwreck SAM: That’s where we’re going, yeah MARISHA: Right? This was where we were TRAVIS: That’s where we were MATT: That’s where you were. The three masses were not even in shape and size, and they were clustered MARISHA: There’s another reef here TRAVIS: There is MARISHA: Then there’s Torrid Reef here TRAVIS: There is, and then dead center is a lot of space. You could say that this is the center, but– okay LAURA: Are any of those places close to your shipwreck that you know of? TRAVIS: Well, the shipwreck is here SAM: What is this triangle of? Where the three objects are, or where the three temples are? TRAVIS: Well, in the vision the three land masses are in a triangle MARISHA: Do you know in which direction the ship was heading? TRAVIS: At the time? MATT: At the time, from what you recall, the ship was heading outward TRAVIS: Yeah, so it’d be heading west MARISHA: Maybe he knew where to go, and he was heading there to get his gift TRAVIS: Mm-hmm MARISHA: Said Beau in a morning breakfast conversation or something MATT: Yeah. Anyway. Contemplate this TRAVIS: Yeah, I’ll be doing that later MATT: In the next few days that pass, eventually the fog rolls in and the blue, cloudy skies you have become familiar with on this journey give way to gray, rainy, and cold, this marine front rolling in as you begin to come upon the outskirts of the Dragshallow Reefs SAM: Matt? Before you go on, can I just real quickly steal a bunch of gunpowder, while I was learning how to be a powder monkey? TRAVIS: You did have days MATT: Okay, you do know that the current master gunner is keeping a very close eye on you after you have exhibited– SAM: I’m talking like a pinch here TRAVIS: Shawshank style? SAM: Yeah, little pinches at a time. I don’t want tons, I’m not trying to steal a barrel, just enough to make one of those bangy arrows again, just enough for the tip of an arrow MATT: Okay, make a sleight of hand check SAM: That’s a natural one MARISHA: Oh my god MATT: Okay. You steal, over time, a pretty decent amount of this powder. You’re pretty damn proud of it, yeah. Write down on your inventory you have a handful of pepper (laughter)
TALIESIN: Black pepper SAM: I’m going to be trying to construct a explosive arrowhead at some point MATT: Awesome, go ahead and roll for that LIAM: You’ve successfully secured deez nuts SAM: What am I doing? Tinker’s? MATT: This would be tinker tools, yeah TALIESIN: You could make a sneeze arrow, in theory SAM: What is it, dex? MATT: With this one, it would be, yeah, dex, since you’ve already made one SAM: 15 MATT: 15? Yeah, you manage to construct a pepper arrow MARISHA: If someone’s allergic, they’re fucked, yeah MATT: Pepper bolt, there you go LIAM: When life gives you pepper, make pepper arrows MATT: The ship skirts around the southern edge of the reefs. You can now see the tangled graveyard of destroyed ships and gathered driftwood marking the shallow spots across this jagged cluster of reef. Curving around a southwestern passage, a channel, that opens. The channel beckons you entry as you turn to head northward to what would be the center, the heart of this cluster. No more than maybe 20 minutes into entering this channel, Avantika shouts up at the rest of the crew, “Raise “the colors!” at which point the massive ogre, Bouldergut, tosses the gnomish second mate, Ipess, high up to the central mast, to the crow’s nest, where he swaps out the flag to a new one, one that is straight purple. As it begins to push its way in, make a perception check MARISHA: All of us? TRAVIS: Is the flag just solid purple? MATT: Make a perception check MARISHA: We’ve seen this before LAURA: Natural 20 MATT: This is a different flag than the one that was raised during piracy MARISHA: Okay MATT: Natural what? LAURA: Natural 20 MATT: Okay TALIESIN: 14 MATT: 14, so what’s the total? SAM: 19 MATT: Nice LIAM: 14 MARISHA: 20, not natural TRAVIS: Ten for Fjord and 19 for Yasha MATT: Okay LAURA: Natural 20 with a total of 24 MATT: Okay. Jester, it’s a couple of things. You pick up on the detail of the flag. It is straight purple but there is something… different about it, you’re not entirely certain. It looks like a straight color, but there’s, sometimes, some of the way the light hits it, you can see a sheen in parts of it. That’s the best I can describe. The rest of you also look around and you can see amongst these reefs, not only are there the jagged bits of it that come forward and bits of rock that jut out the ocean amongst the rest of the rubble around, and it looks like a lot of it has been placed both as a communal barricade on top of the reef, and as a challenge to anything that wishes to come in, but you can see in areas where the rock itself is a little more sturdy and above the surface, there are watchtowers, and there are bolt-throwers and catapults, and there are defenses all across elements of this reef that you imagine are one of the many reasons it’s not been taken back by the Clovis Concord in what you would know to be the 40-plus years that Darktow has belonged to what is known as the Revelry TRAVIS: The Revelry? MATT: The Revelry is the communal band of pirates that work together to maintain some internal order. Make a history check, Fjord and anybody else proficient with history TRAVIS: 17 MATT: Okay SAM: The Revelry? LIAM: 25 MATT: Okay MARISHA: 11 MATT: Fjord and Caleb, you know that this began as a dispute with the heads of the guilds in the Clovis Concord. They own and run a majority of the trade routes that come in and out, but a lot of the smaller shipping businesses and various other side-industry leaders were being over-taxed, repeatedly, in an attempt to close them out of the business and essentially completely own all means of shipping in the vicinity. This pissed off a lot of people, and eventually, in moments of combined desperation and frustration, they banded together, and where Darktow was previously a very important repair and stopping station this far out from the Menagerie Coast for long-distance shipping, they
ransacked it and took it over. They killed those that defended themselves, and any of those who did not want to raise arms would be absorbed and be allowed to become a member of what was now called the Revelry. As such, they have since held this location and continued to be the source of piracy both for their own wealth and continuation of well-being, but also as a continuous source of aggression and destruction of the otherwise very prosperous trade that the Clovis Concord runs. You do know also that the Revelry is run by what’s called the Plank King MARISHA: That sounds super inviting MATT: The previous one was killed 15 years ago by the current Plank King, who challenged him. The Plank King is known as Wyatt Marinas, and all you have heard is he is a giant of a man. As you move deeper through this channel, the day goes on, begins to get somewhat dark as you begin to see the glittering lights of the southern edge of Darktow Isle. The cold pulls through, and a light rain begins to fall as you approach. This island, unlike the jungle islands that you’ve come across and a vast majority of the Swavain Islands here off the Menagerie Coast, is mostly rock and cliff In fact, from what you can see, most of this island from this perspective is jagged cliff face and probably a few hundred feet up is where the island’s even surface even begins. At the base around this cliff face you can see a scattered web of a shipyard, just tangled docks that maneuver around containing dozens and dozens of ships. Across that you see numerous torches that mark various intersections where they all meet, and built into the base of this cliff face, you see a number of buildings and windows, all slowly being lit as the night grows darker and darker This mass of natural-looking, hive-like pirate city there stands before you. Welcome to Darktow SAM: Darktow! MARISHA: Dope TALIESIN: Beautiful MATT: As the ship makes its way to the docks and eventually comes to a stop, you can see a few figures up there at the edge, one of them that rings a bell as it comes in, and a couple that come out to meet Avantika. Steps out, and there’s a couple of hands raised, and go, “Hail, “Avantika!” She goes, “We have returned! I know it has been quite a while, but success and “celebration, I believe, are on our lips tonight.” A few of the men come up and look over the crew and look over a few of you and take some notes, and then dart off TRAVIS: Guess we’re part of the island now SAM: Are we off the ships yet? MATT: The ship now has docked, they’re beginning to take remains of the supplies, the Mistake is pulled off onto the other side and Orly and your other hired crew are looking very wide-eyed and confused about what the fuck is going on. You literally hired a bunch of guys out of– TRAVIS: They didn’t sign up for that shit! MATT: Nicodranas that have now been brought into a– TRAVIS: A month-long journey? MATT: Yep MARISHA: Wow. Okay MATT: As you begin to step off the ship– TRAVIS: Kill those guys MATT: Jamedi steps off with the rest of you MARISHA: Oh no! MATT: Looks to Avantika, and goes up to her and goes, “You still owe me 50 more gold. I counted “what you gave me.” She goes, “Oh, my apologies, I thought I had correctly counted that.” She pulls a few coins out of her purse and hands it to him Counts it himself. “Our business is concluded.” Looks to the rest of you. “Be careful around this one. Be safe.” He turns and walks into the city LAURA: I liked him SAM: Dead man walking TALIESIN: Complicated feelings SAM: I’m going to get on my hands and knees and kiss the ground MATT: It is salty with sea splash and cold to the touch because of the nature of the stone SAM: I love it TRAVIS: I thought for sure Caduceus was going to give Jamedi a little– TALIESIN: He got away quick, yeah, that was not a good time
MATT: No one talked to him over the journey TALIESIN: Nope LAURA: I thought he was on the other ship. I guess we were switching back and forth between ships? MATT: There was a lot of back and forth over the journey. Avantika turns to the rest, “Crew! It has “been a good journey. You have all been very kind You have been resolute and Uk’otoa will be proud.” LAURA and MARISHA: (whispering) Uk’otoa MATT: “Tonight we drink! Come. Let us be off to The Bloated Cup. The rounds are on me.” SAM and MARISHA: The Bloated Cup LIAM: (whispering) Uk’otoa MATT: Marius comes around the edge of the– TRAVIS: Oh god! SAM: (nervous voice) Hi Marius MARISHA: Oh my god, Marius! MATT: Of the docks. Yes, remember Marius? LIAM: Yes MARISHA: Yeah MATT: Yes. He’s like “Okay, don’t mean to make this really– Where the fuck are we?” TRAVIS: We’re at the end of the world, my friend MATT: “Okay.” LAURA: You’re a pirate. Ta-da MATT: (nervous sighing) TRAVIS: It’s going to be time for you to toughen up a bit. Do you have a pirate face? LAURA: It’s really good. That’s good TRAVIS: Is that a pooping face or– MATT: “Both, really.” TRAVIS: Okay, well, until you find a better one, that’ll do. What’s your pirate name? MATT: “What should it be?” MARISHA: Marius the Mariner. LePual MATT: “Got it.” MARISHA: Le– MATT: “Oh, there’s more.” MARISHA: LePain MATT: “LePual LePain.” MARISHA: LePual LePuain. I don’t know. That’s all I got TALIESIN: That was really good. Do me MARISHA: Oh. Caduceus the… Juices? TALIESIN: I like juice MATT: Orly’s big turtle hand clasps on the back of your left shoulder, Beau, and goes “Oh, I kind of “like that one.” MARISHA: How do you mean? MATT: “Well, I like juice.” MARISHA: Okay. Yay. Yeah LAURA: Orly the Swirly SAM: Yeah, that’s good MATT: (unsure, uncomfortable humming) LAURA: Teach me how to do tattoos that are fancy MATT: “Wait, what?” LAURA: Make me your apprentice. Make me your– bequeath me MATT: “I’m going to need a drink.” MARISHA: I guess we’ll follow? MATT: The rest of the crew, looking confused amongst themselves stick together and they come over. One of them, his name would’ve been– oh Actually no, at this point, this is Gallan Gallan, who has recovered and is– LAURA: Fellow carpenter! MATT: Yes. Who has become loosely the– because he’s the only one who was originally on the Mist and knows it well– he’s become the den mother of the other hired crew you’ve brought into this wiley adventure. He comes up and goes, “So. All these ones.” TRAVIS: Yeah? MATT: “What’s the plan?” TRAVIS: Did we say there was a plan? MARISHA: Mm, do we live with plans? TRAVIS: I’m not sure. Did we have a plan? MARISHA: We had a vague idea SAM: We hired them for a certain amount of time LAURA: Yeah. We should probably let them go home eventually TRAVIS: I don’t even really remember who they are TALIESIN: I mean, to be fair, we should let us go home eventually LAURA: Yeah. Maybe they should stay on the boat SAM: After it’s repaired LAURA: Yeah. Then we will take them home eventually MARISHA: Don’t we need to pay them more? TRAVIS: No. I think we’ve brought them to a port of great business. If they choose to stay here, they certainly can. Otherwise, they’ll have to wait until we’re leaving again MATT: “I’ll ask around.” He doesn’t seem bothered by it. He’s been here before. Gallan left this port on the Mist. But he seems genuinely– Over the travel, he’s gotten a little bit concerned and seems somewhat invested in the new crew you’ve hired. He goes and relays that message to the rest of them TRAVIS: I’m just scared MARISHA: Whoops MATT: In the meantime, the rest of the crew seems to have followed suit with Avantika, leaving a few crewmen that are just a part of the docks to keep watch TRAVIS: How guarded or patrolled or monitored are the docks? MATT: Pretty damn well patrolled and monitored This is the bread and butter of their business TRAVIS: In this area, are there uniformed patrols or do you just see well armed– LIAM: Muscle is obviously everywhere MATT: You get the sense here, and based on your history checks, everyone who resides in Darktow is a member of the Revelry TRAVIS: Is packing
MATT: By the way, you guys are members of The Revelry MARISHA: So by touching down on the island, you become a member MATT: Well, by becoming part of Avantika’s crew, coming into port, and having a few individuals mark your presence, you imagine that’s probably the case MARISHA: We’re a part of The Revelry MATT: Well, what are you guys doing? TRAVIS: We’re going to follow LIAM: We’re going to be following the people who have been here before TALIESIN: Let’s make sure the crew knows that they should be repairing the ship and we need to be ship-shape at some point LAURA: Yeah MARISHA: I don’t know if that was the easiest membership I’ve ever obtained, or the most difficult membership I’ve ever obtained. It’s kind of hard to say LIAM: Following up on Fjord’s question, or Travis’ question, the muscle that we see around us, does it look like it’s– are we in Deadwood, or is there a strong police force of sorts that is making sure that shit is not going down constantly? TRAVIS: Something they would wear that would identify LIAM: Yeah, is there anyone in charge, or is it just a saloon with cowboys everywhere? MATT: It’s more the former than the latter, from the first part. There is no uniformed guard, there is no– TRAVIS: They’re not wearing a hat or a sash TALIESIN: This is golden age of piracy Barbados, basically. We’re in the thick of it MATT: Yeah, the heavy realm of piracy has only existed for 40-plus years, on this coast TALIESIN: Oh wow, okay! MATT: It’s still, in some ways, finding its footing TRAVIS: Oh lord! We all going to die! We’ll tell the crew they can have the evening. They can have the evening, we’ve just been at sea this whole time, but in the morning, we expect work to continue on The Mistake LIAM: Probably the only rule here is “Talk shit, get hit.” MATT: Winding through the docks, following the rest of Avantika’s crew, the docks and bridges, it’s this labyrinth to find your way beyond that to the stone and rock where you had kissed earlier. The city itself is a series of switchback paths and carved caverns and cave entrances that have since been outfitted with pieces of wood, with windows. Now, at this point, it’s pretty much pitch black in the sky. What little bit of light there is from the nearby torch and lantern light gives just a hint of the mist that’s rolled in across the outskirts of the island. The only light sources you have are those you keep on you, or the distant glowing smattering of hundreds of fire-lit windows, lit from the inside the warm buildings that make up the city. As you make your way to what you assume to be the tavern, The Bloated Cup, if you will, Avantika’s currently standing outside talking to somebody. There you see this burly, rough-looking human man, probably a week and a half unshaven, this thick five o’clock shadow Grayish curled hair that goes right about shoulder-length. It’s slicked back, probably with his fingers to one side, but it’s oily enough where it stays in place. Looks like he’s wearing an officious coat, and they’re currently in the middle of a discussion, and she looks over her shoulder to the rest of you and goes, “Ah, my “apologies. There is one bit of business we must attend to before we can celebrate. The rest of you “continue on. My new compatriots, it seems,” and the human figure pipes up and goes, “Word has “reached the ears of the Plank King that you’ve brought new blood here to Darktow. I imagine these “are the new blood based on,” and he looks at a sheet of paper that’s handed to him and looks at the description that was written, “and he would appreciate you bringing them to The Throne Roost “and have an audience.” SAM: Who, who are you? MATT: “Well, I’m the assistant of the Plank King.” SAM: What is your name? MATT: “James Tybalt.” SAM: James Tybalt. Assistant to the Plank King. Do we need to bring any presents or anything to the Plank King when we meet him? MATT: “I’m certain he wouldn’t argue.” He smiles now. This is the first time you’ve seen his grin and there’s, maybe, six or seven teeth. Most of them are blackening. “I’d recommend y’all follow me.” SAM: Yes, sir! MATT: “You too, Avantika. He wants to check in.” She sighs but gives a smile. “Ipess, bring like
“500.” He starts counting out gold from one of the chests they had brought with them TRAVIS: We never divvied up that box MATT: No LAURA: No, we didn’t SAM: That’s for her to do MARISHA: That’s for him to do TRAVIS. No. For me to do? LAURA: It’s the quartermaster MARISHA: It’s for the quartermaster. He said divvy up treasure MATT: That’s what quartermasters do SAM: Balls TRAVIS: Yeah, it was intentional, guys. We’re fine MATT: It’s all good. The coin is passed over to a smaller chest and Avantika carries it up under her arm. You guys are led to the western side of this city and then begin climbing up this precarious set of winding stairs carved out of the rocky cliff LAURA: Whoa! MATT: Above the city, slick with mist and recent rain. It looks like the way the wind’s hitting, the rain isn’t hitting the cliff side, but you can see it passing maybe 15, 20 feet in front of you LAURA: This is precarious, you guys! MATT: Partway up this climb, the occasional torch is now replaced with a wooden pike holding a skull or a head at varying stages of decay SAM: I hear rain LAURA: I’m going to put my metal, scary mask on MATT: Okay, you put your metal scary mask on TRAVIS: You feeling at home there, Deucy? TALIESIN: This is nice MATT: You’re led up further, maybe 250, 300 feet up this cliff face. Leading you with some of the bursts of wind to lean against it to pull across The stone stairs themselves vary from two feet wide to maybe a foot at times. Looking down over the edge, you can imagine a few folks have found their end with an odd misstep. The stairs finally stop at a wide stone shelf that overlooks the town at about 200 to 300 feet above, the furthermost edge ending just above the rocky waters of the inlet. A cave mouth greets you against the cliff, warm with firelight. Two watchmen notice you and they stand there keeping an eye as a cloaked man pushes past you to descend from where you came. He just pushes past you. Avantika nods to the guards and shows the chest TRAVIS: The guy that pushes past, what’s he look like? What’s he wearing? MATT: He’s a little ways past you now. Make a perception check TRAVIS: You can’t just let these guys go by! SAM: It was just a dude! TRAVIS: Nine! MARISHA and LAURA: Nein! MATT: It’s too dark and there’s too much rain It’s hard to make out any details, unfortunately Avantika continues in after showing the chest, the offering. The rest of you follow? LAURA: That is our offering, too. It’s all our offering MATT: As you follow inside, the smell of fine cooked meats and sauces mingles with wet leather and stagnant water. A soft fiddle and squeezebox duet dances through the evening air, the bardic sources atop stools next to a large stone chair carved from the surrounding rock. Sitting atop the throne is a giant of a man; half giant, to be precise. His dull, gray skin marked with scars, his coat long and velvet blue, tattered at the edges. Plain breeches and boots shift as he stands, his eyes cold, shifting with his smile Long black curls toppling along the sides of his head, past his shoulders, framing his face to about mid chest. Now, you know this through your research and some of you had experiences, for the most part male goliaths don’t have hair, let alone such luxurious locks MARISHA: European, British giant shit MATT: As he stands up, a servant enters and leaves a bowl of somewhat bruised feet– somewhat bruised fruit at the feet of the throne. The large figure claps his hands once loudly and the music stops, coming to a halt. “Deep guests. Avantika. You bring guests. Welcome, friends, to the Revelry
“Come, sit a spell.” Two servants all of a sudden come behind, you hear the scraping of wood against stone as two long benches are pressed behind you You find yourself awkwardly having to sit on them as they creak with your weight. Another bowl of nuts and somewhat mushy berries is placed in Caduceus’ hands, a bottle of wine is opened and handed to Caleb. “My manners, where are they? “(chuckles) I am Wyatt Marinas, the Plank King of Darktow, master of the Revelry.” LAURA: All hail the king TALIESIN and SAM: All hail the king MARISHA: Hear hear MATT: “And you are?” SAM: Oh, yes. We are part of Avantika’s crew, but humble servants in her adventurous adventures. I am– some call me Gilligan, others other names. I present to you this dried meat of the harpy as a present for you. Harpy jerky MATT: Sets it awkwardly on one of the arms of the stone throne. “Okay, Gilligan. So, Avantika, it “seems you took all of these under your wing.” She nods and takes her chest and puts it forward and goes, “That is true, and I believe the rest will introduce themselves here in another moment.” LAURA: I’m the Little Sapphire. I lift up my– I’m the Little Sapphire MATT: (grunt of acknowledgement) LIAM: Oh, my name is Philip MARISHA: I’m Beau. Some call me Tracy TRAVIS: I’m Fjord Tusktooth, quartermaster of the Squalleater TALIESIN: They call me Clay MATT: Yasha just goes, “I’m Yasha.” “Well, you’ve all come under the banner of the Squalleater. What “draws you to a life of piracy? What drives you?” SAM: So much! TRAVIS: What drives any of us? Necessity. Urgency for a better life MATT: “All right.” LAURA: Ships are really cool. We like to steal things MARISHA: Disdain for organized crime in the Empire TALIESIN: I serve nature. I’m a maker of fine graves TRAVIS: (laughs) SAM: I just love water so much! (laughter) SAM: Can’t get away from it! Ooh, doggy LIAM: Oh, is this required? Refugee from the Empire, looking for better life MATT: Looks to Yasha. “I like to punch things?” Kind of smiles. Looks back over his shoulder, “You’ve got all that, Linus?” And you see off to the side, in an alcove you weren’t looking, you see a man, hunched over, who’s currently writing everything down in a book, and sketching, and he’s paying really close attention to everybody, and is listening LAURA: (gasps) You draw too? TRAVIS: Stenographer MATT: “Yeah.” LAURA: Do you want to show me some of your drawings? MATT: “No.” (laughter) LAURA: Okay MATT: He’s feverishly taking notes and sketching You recognize, he’s drawing as well as making notes LAURA: I’m going to, definitely, every time he looks over at me, pose differently, so that he gets the best– MATT: Okay. “Well, if the captain here vouches for you, then I trust you won’t go causing any “trouble. Only law here is no trouble coming between pirates while within the reef. You cause
“trouble on land, I judge you. You’ve seen a few judged on your way up here.” MARISHA: Oh yeah TALIESIN: We did? Oh, yeah MATT: “Trouble outside the reef, well, you’ll either return to explain your cases, and I decide “what’s fair, or in need of punishment, or if you don’t return, I just assume you’re guilty. Them’s “the big ones, you understand?” LAURA: Does this just include harming other pirates, or stealing from them too? MATT: “Depends on what the other one thinks. If the other one doesn’t want to be harmed or stolen “from, well, that’s breaking the law.” LAURA: Got it TRAVIS: What if the other one isn’t around to lodge a complaint? MATT: “Well, hard for me to hear that you broke it. Now, Darktow means protection, means family “And family shares its good fortune.” He looks to Avantika, and she now kicks the chest across, and scrapes. He stops it with his foot, and kicks open the lid and the coins are there now, visible, a couple spilling out. “I accept your tribute Welcome back. We’ll get your ships up and fixed “real soon. Welcome to the Revelry. (laughs).” (uneasy laughter) MATT: “You all sorry lot, you’ve certainly shacked up with one of the craziest lasses of the Swavain “Islands, that’s for sure.” LAURA: She’s crazy all right MATT: “A damn dream-chaser, she be. So be warned where she leads you: she’s crazy. Fucking nuts.” LAURA: I thought that the entire time SAM: Yeah MATT: She looks up at him and goes, “You are quite the peach yourself, there, master.” Squints to himself. “Well, thanks, that’s it, shove off. Get the fuck out of my room.” SAM: May I just ask, this Linus person over there, are they just writing everything down that we say? MATT: “Yes.” LAURA: Balls tits mother-bitch, I love dogs and poop (laughter) MATT: He’s glaring over at you TRAVIS: (gibberish) (laughter) TALIESIN: We should take our leave SAM: I guess so, we’re going to go just enjoy your fine place now, thank you for having us MATT: “Of course.” MARISHA: Do you have a favorite cocktail at the Bloated Cup? TRAVIS: Or a favorite spot MARISHA: A brew, or– MATT: “No, I have my drinks brought up here.” MARISHA: Right, course you do. All right, bye MATT: As Avantika leaves, the rest of you are leaving. Takes his arms and pushes you out, leading you to the exit TRAVIS: Just the Plank King and Linus in that room, outside from Avantika? MATT: Make a perception check TRAVIS: 17 MATT: 17. Couple of things you notice. One: you glance in the vicinity, you look and notice the Plank King. Right where the hairline is, it’s a duller, paler white. In that moment you remember the first Plank King was definitely known for his longer, darker locks (groaning) TALIESIN: That’s metal TRAVIS: It puts the lotion in the basket TALIESIN: That’s some metal shit MATT: Looking around the interior of the chamber, because the way this is carved inside the mountain, it’s this nice arched cavern top and there are number of alcoves and hidden spaces, and you glance around it and first, at just a quick glance, notice at least six or seven other figures that are hidden in the alcoves, just watching TRAVIS: Creatures? MATT: Figures. Seem to be either human or– MARISHA: Roof snipers TRAVIS: (whispers) Statues MATT: As you’re all being ushered out of the chamber and pushed to the side, the Plank King is
like, “Anyway, off with you! Enjoy your night, drink well. We’ll take care of that,” and there’s a little tug on your arm, Beau. The Plank King comes and whispers in the side of your ear. He says, “You’ve a keen ear, right? Avantika ever does anything untoward to our little community “here, you let me know. There’s some grand coin in it for you.” MARISHA: How much? MATT: Just backs away MARISHA: I yank away from him. Move on MATT: Okay SAM: She’s a snitch TALIESIN: Can tell you’re a snitch. Can tell at 50 feet. Of course you’re a snitch (laughter) MARISHA: Am I that transparent? TALIESIN: You are TRAVIS: You said, “How much?” TALIESIN: You sit in the bathroom stall with your legs raised, with a notebook MATT: With that, you make your way out, back to the stone steps. Avantika sees you all exit and goes, “Well, that was harrowing and necessary, but over. Now for drinking, yes?” TRAVIS: Indeed. He seems like quite the benevolent leader MATT: “He’s certainly a series of adjectives, yes, I’ll give you that.” TRAVIS: How long has he been in a seat of rule? MATT: “Well over a decade, probably.” MARISHA: How much on average do you pay him to not kill you? MATT: “Oh, well, it’s not paying him to not kill us, it’s sharing in our spoils to better the community.” MARISHA: And if you didn’t share your spoils? MATT: “I don’t know. I’ve never tried.” MARISHA: Right LAURA: He has beautiful hair SAM: It’s awesome, yeah TALIESIN: Very. It’s lush TRAVIS: Yeah, it’s something MATT: “Nevertheless, I’m going to get drunk. Who’s with me?” SAM: Hear hear, let’s go TALIESIN: I will follow MATT: “All right, come on.” She smiles and turns around and you all begin to make your trek down the somewhat slick stone steps to the darkened city of Darktow, the glittering firelight, the open windows below leading you to whatever revelry the evening has in store. And that’s where we’ll pick up next week TRAVIS: (yells) Oh god, we’re on pirate island! SAM: How did this happen? LAURA: It’s so cool, though MATT: You a stole a ship and followed the path! TRAVIS: We’re surrounded by a reef and artillery and pirates! LAURA: We were going in a completely different direction and now we’re pirates! TRAVIS: He’s wearing somebody’s scalp, you guys MARISHA: There’s a war on another continent, and we’re not a part of it TALIESIN: I am so proud of you all SAM: I will say this, though: In comparison to these folks, we’re not so bad. We’re not that bad MATT: It is a point of comparison, this is true TRAVIS: We’re in the main of other creatures LIAM: Guys, we’re the heroes here LAURA: Yeah, yeah. Wow TRAVIS: Good shit, Matt, good shit, Matt! MATT: Well guys, this is a very unique flavor of campaign TALIESIN: The Plank King is cool MATT: “He’s a fun one.” On that note, folks, we’re going to pick this up next Thursday. Look forward to the art book coming on sale Monday morning, the final chapters, the second half and end of Vox Machina’s campaign, as created and presented by you, the fantastic art community. Yeah, other than that, have a wonderful weekend, we love you, and is it Thursday yet? Goodnight, guys (wolf whistle) TRAVIS: Oh, the fucking hat! [music]