we’re here alright this is Carlos stop whadda I am janitor vino I am San Antonio’s catalyst and there’s many more coming so if you haven’t had a chance to book a session with me that’s fine um if you’re not really into me that’s cool too there’s more so let’s coming so that you can have a variety of people to cuddle with and today I thought we’ve been planning this video for a long time because we’ve been we’ve been working through a lot of issues in our relationship since the beginning but especially now because of the work that I do you know what is the catalyst let me explain that first so I am a certified cuddling professional which means I touch people for a living I touch them I hold them I cuddle with them I do I like that and it’s exciting and it’s fun and it’s amazing and it’s life-giving and I see so many great things that come out of it so for me it’s been my joy it’s been how I’ve connected with the world with others and this guy over here with this lovely arrangement you know like I say like come on so we’ll start off asking a bunch of questions and I’ll have them answer and you’ll learn so much about him if you don’t know this guy you are going to you’re gonna be in for a treat because there’s a lot of interesting things that you learn so first thing do you think you are prepared to be a partner of a cuddle list and what was it like in the beginning no no I was not prepared to be the partner of a catalyst but it’s not so much because you know Cutlass uh-oh you know you’re not ready for it I came into this relationship with some heavy-duty baggage I didn’t know I had and I was already limping in thinking and with this relationship style that was so negative already well it’s simply known and you can look it up it’s a anxious relationship style we are anxious all the time and always suspicious of your partner and that turns into control the worst kind of control because you slowly suck the joy and life out of your partner for what for what reason why would you do that I think because you’re always thinking that they’re they’re going to leave you you’re always thinking they’re looking for something else and so you become very controlling so there’s a question we have our first question which is did we do we meet a culling situation so no I met Carlos two years ago now actually I’m ok cupid and and so it’s definitely I became a catalyst last summer at the end of last summer so yes good question that’s question all right but would you cuddle some practice before it all right so ok let’s talk a little bit more about what you just were talking so it hasn’t been easy you weren’t prepared you were suspicious and why did it feel threatening for me to cuddle with other people well it wasn’t easy in the beginning so I was suspicious of a lot of things that you were doing most of the suspicion was happening now that I know in my head one of your friends yeah Julia I think that you you know we all have best friends and you were telling her about me and my bad behavior in a relationship and she suggested that I may have this anxiety type of relationship style and when you mentioned it to me a bell just went off because I had been dealing with this and most of all my relationships before and it was damaging it was very very damaging so let’s make more specific this confession time let’s name out loud the things that you did when I became a cuddle list that now we realized was completely inappropriate I was learning boundaries as well so what are some things that yeah some requests that you had that were wrong and this is gonna sound familiar to a lot of people out there you may be in a relationship with somebody who has got this so here it goes coming up with seemingly what seemed to be rules for the relationship let’s come some rules mostly so you won’t hurt me but really it’s so I can control what you do tell me who texts you is it a guy with the cut list okay that’s good I needed you to check in with me as soon as your sessions were done so I could make sure you’re safe she always came appearance of like protecting and being safety but that’s yeah it got into control there was always a worm on that hook but it was a hook nonetheless what else so I can name a few yeah well they were getting if I

lived it yeah alright I had to let people my right cuddle list clients know that I was in a relationship just no one needs to know I mean I think I’m okay with letting people know this is the guy I’m gonna be making an embarrassed face to all of these I’m sorry that’s not who I am anymore okay so like you need to tell them that I was like no I don’t controlling that’s calling after the session right and it was always the parents of protecting but it was more it was more about something else that he could add to that third wanted to read my text right so this there’s confidentiality and the relationship with the cuddle lists with our client and it’s really tricky where I do receive lots of text messages and the phone keeps pinging over and over again and no you don’t need to read my text and you don’t get to see what people say and if they ask inappropriate questions or if they ask any question doesn’t matter I got it handle it right so like no you don’t get to do that he wanted me to have only business communications and sometimes people want to talk about other things and so I do offer back and for text messages with my client right you don’t get to know about that you don’t get to be my boss you don’t get to check in and make sure that I’m following the code of conduct that’s a tough one or that was a tough one yeah so like did you follow the code today I’m like really like no you don’t you don’t get to decide I mean I forgot but they’ll be my boss like your this isn’t about you this is I can go with my colleagues another colorless and work through you know my issues that I’m struggling with with my colleagues and with the organizers of EMA director and the CEO and and you know the people that do cut lists like those are the people I’m accountable to to my community but not to him this is my work I don’t have to tell you what I do in a session you know I’m to tell you what kind of that used to cause a lot of conflict – yeah I’m like go home go to your own house now kind of conflict get out of here you know so you know it’s right if a client wants to dance or want to go to the movies or wants to have a session outside or whatever it is I don’t need to tell him anything those are again those are private and I want to share something that was meaningful to me I can it’s my choice but I’m not obligated to say anything I don’t want to say and they saw its idea like because I’m receiving a lots of touch and it’s nurturing it’s amazing and I speak so positively of it does it mean this is my playtime does it mean like this is a time where you know I having my fun and then he’s like well what am I gonna have my fun it’s not like that it still work to me it’s meaningful work it’s the kind of work you want to have you want to have work that you are proud of and that you want you want to be excited about right that doesn’t mean that because of that then yeah it’s still it’s but now he’s like blog being left out I don’t have any fun time after my job so there was a certain sense of exhaustion at the end of the day when I you know kind of wanted to get intimate with you stuff and say I’m really exhausted I used to take it as well I guess somebody else got the best of you but really the work that you do is exhausting you know it’s you’re putting everything into it you’re listening you’re processing you’re responding back to the client on top of that at the same time there’s holding there’s touch you may be going to a movie or whatever like that whatever they need and took me a while to process that and when a session doesn’t always go the best way he doesn’t go right I don’t have to tell you right that was hard and I’d like to be able to but let’s say I wasn’t ready to let’s say you know I’m still kind of working through processing what happened and I wasn’t ready to like you know say everything and and I would tell him days later and he would be so hurt it’s like why didn’t you tell me right away like after it happened another way I was trying to control I was like I wasn’t ready to talk about it you know I maybe I had shame maybe I had some guilts maybe I had different feelings and it took me some time especially in the beginning when you’re still trying to like working out the kinks it’s hard to be able to you know share with something especially someone I’m afraid they’re gonna judge me or he’s going to look down on me or just gonna say if I don’t think you should be doing this or you don’t have what it takes like anything really little word of discouragement could have scared me in the beginning and I needed someone and this is I think the therapist said that you have two jobs you know these are two things that you’re that you’re called to do right now from here yeah what is it that he told you buddy remember show my full support and get the hell out of your way I’m sorry I would love you of course I do that naturally like love you have to show your full support all right so they didn’t actually add this it got to the point where you so didn’t want to catch my judgment that you wouldn’t tell me things and man that was then we started

going down the path of my other relationships you stopped when they stopped talking to you and this is what you said when I go silent and then you better watch it you stopped talking to me about stuff and it was me it was me that was making you feel that harsh judgment and criticism and then you said I’m not gonna tell him anymore so turning that stuff around so therapy I don’t know if we’ve talked a little bit about that progress but before we go to therapy I’ll make sure I see this question what did you imagine I was doing in my cuddling session like where did that scary party for therapy yeah having sex with every one of your clients and don’t tell my partner that’s the dark places those are the dark places your mind goes when you have anxious relationship style and you’re always anxious and you’re suspicious everything bad that happens that your partner’s doing is actually only happening in your mind because you’re allowing it and what were you afraid of happening somebody was gonna take you away somebody with a bigger brain or bigger this or bigger that or somebody who had more to offer you know I’m a little older than you so I still come from the old school of well if he’s got more money he’s gonna just take her away you know kind of movies kind of pushed that too but that’s what I was afraid of you know it’s just even weird for me to say now because it’s so silly now but yes that was that was what I was afraid of so started a therapy and and it’s the beginning of a time that we started by starting my sessions and tell me people like what was it like to do the therapy therapy thank you for you don’t ever be ashamed or embarrassed of therapy and I kind of used to be therapy is a way of unclogging your mind stuff gets clogged up there and you need somebody to help you throw it on the table and let’s sort it out together and then you can understand it that’s what therapy is that’s what we have to look at it what it did for me is it opened it opened me up to a couple of basic questions Carlos what are you afraid of blah blah blah blah tell them okay okay well that actually happened you think that’s gonna happen like no I don’t think so nothing whatever things she’s told me then why are you left that thought take your life over ah man what a release and and I go every week I’m not ashamed to say that I go every week and it’s just so cleansing but what it did was it and you started kind of going to and allowing us to understand each other in a deeper level so this is not the relationship that I’m used to you know this is way deep and communication and understanding of the key so sometimes I’ll work five hours in a day that doesn’t seem like a lot but it is a lot when you do cuddling you know three five seven hours and then more and so how have you handled when I am done with my day and I’m exhausted and I have little very little to give Beatty before therapy I would just drive around in this staring frenzy like what’s she doing now I bet she’s doing this what’s he doing and she’s saying that I really don’t have a boyfriend oh my gosh after therapy I’m actually in my own joy now my own pleasure I’ll go and look at records I’ll go to the movies I’ll go work on my music the practice is getting you and your sessions completely out of my head and it’s worked and it’s so there’s some exercises that the therapist is giving me that I can’t really give to you you’d really have to see it there because I know that the artists have worked the question really was a little distracted the question was after a long day of work how do you handle how do you cope with I come to you and I’m exhausted I’ve nothing to give you alright what are going to do now is ask you what you need what do you need and if you say I don’t know what I need right now then I just want to be there and hold you and I’ll hold you for awhile and I’ll talk softly this is stuff that I would want you can feed me I feed you you always ask me to rub something rub the side of my head or run your fingers through my hair just leave me alone let me watch my shows yeah yeah that was that like a tough ones like I’m home from work now what are we gonna do something I just want to watch my shows with and now I know she just wants to completely I think your shows are away just cleaning out everything that’s happened it’s starting fresh and getting in your joy beam in your joy a lot of your shows are or comedy I think the therapist also helped me with my own self-care and reminded me that after sessions I need to decompress on my own and kind of come back into my body again because it’s it’s a lot to give and it has affected of course my sexuality like our intimacy has been a good had to adjust to it and learn how to be intimate again because again I

just given a lot of my myself my and and I’ve turned off my sex you know like cuddling cuddle is a non sexual activity it’s something that we don’t we’re not we’re not doing the sex thing at all on any way and it’s non-sexual so I I had a cut part of that out of my my daily experience that with work so then coming with my partner you know another person who’s like wanting me how to reconnect put myself back together again and and then now be sexual when all day long I’ve been training myself not to be and I think that’s been it’s been some work you mean it’s been intentional yeah I think I just have to take over a little bit more afterwards if I want something that it really should be me that initiates it I mean it goes through slowly and gets you I guess as they say in the mood again essentially and I in a cuddling session is also about me taking care of the clients and listening to them and meeting their needs and I will make sure that I’m comfortable and I’m not doing anything outside of my own boundaries and out of the side the code but I’m not asking for what I want directly it’s it’s not my session it’s not my time and so with Carlo sometimes I find myself being very like I need this I need that like I sometimes I want you to do this for me right now because I’ve been taking care of everybody else and I need if I want to take care for me sometimes and I’m a good partner for that I’m decent enough so next question confidentiality is really important in cuddle s so my clients I want them to trust me and know that I’m not sharing anything with anyone about them or you know they don’t know yeah there’s this this protect this very protected and so how have you handled that my anonymity that people need and being a relationship being with me yeah well nothing again and I would like I’d like for you to tell people that you’re committed to that confidentiality that you do protect oh yeah oh you know definitely at first before the therapy and you weren’t telling me what was going on I thought well she’s keeping it from me because those are the dark that’s what they take you afterwards I understood I wouldn’t want my therapist to say anything to his next client or that guy that was just in here geez and then this and that can you believe I wouldn’t want that so it was a slow understanding but yes you you have clients and their needs are for them and it’s between you and them so sometimes Carlos is hanging out here at the space that I work this is funny stay tuned and so he’s here and I’m like you gotta go you gotta go before they arrive and sometimes he’s still here and they pulled out so we’ve found like a way to be able to manage this I sent her to the garage and he people don’t know this doesn’t happen every time maybe once every 10 15 times anyway but it’s still funny because you know I’m trying to keep that confidentiality that he doesn’t even really see their faces very much no I’m never and I don’t want them to run into each other right I don’t want anyone to feel like oh would be awkward and it’s not because anything’s wrong with it but again we’re protecting that confidentiality and I’ve gotten really good at picking up the garage door and put it down very quietly and getting out here because there’s a timing ya know when they come in I can vaguely hear a hello and hello but I have to wait to let front door closes so I make sure that when the garage opens they’re not there anymore it’s like OOP so something else that I think is interesting it’s hard is that I make screening calls and on the phone and I’m getting to know these people for the first time so naturally I met my best mood and I’m happy and I love talking to people about cuddling and what I do and I love hearing people’s stories so I am very nice and loving and I’m on the phone oh he can hear is me that used to tear me up that why is he making her laugh I’m a comedian I don’t make her laugh that much and see feeling a little jealous I was a little jealous envious I wasn’t I think I was mostly feeling that I wanted that and I think at one time I even offered I said you know what I just pay you the money and you’d be happy with me but you know with time I began to realize and Janek warned me about this she said if you’re gonna get involved with me you’re gonna know all of me and you’re not gonna like it and I’m like been in so many relationships you know but there’s sides to all of us and I know all of Janet now and just like every one of us out there we’ve got a side to us

I’ve seen her side more than once and so I had to weigh it out it’s like do I really want to offer her money to get just the happy side of her or should I be so honored that I know every thing about Janet because she’s made herself so vulnerable share with me and I have to protect that and if I just wanted the happy side that means that you know it’s I’m in a certain level in a relationship with her this is where I think she’s gonna keep me there because that’s all she wants to show me so I’m very very fortunate and I want to honor that and it’s just really hurtful in this rule to say hey I’m gonna give you $80 so you could check me right it’s treats me like an object treats me like you know lose my humanity lose my value when someone is committed to you and loves you all their hearts they say they only want that the nice side so ultimately what it boils down to is I’ve learned that this is what brings my partner joy well it’s what brings her pleasure accomplishment and we all need that that sense of accomplishment that sense of hmm but this is what I do and I’m good at it and so most of the time now what I want to feel is I want to see that joy in her face and when I hear it when she’s telling me how I’m you know I I help someone out today and that’s kind of all as much as she says I just have to kind of go with it but I see that happiness and I want to be happy in that also she’s doing exactly what she wants to do she’s doing what she’s really and I’m fortunate enough that she also has picked me to be her partner so what do you like about my work what are the benefits you see um little surprise benefits I guess sometimes there’s clients that will give you things that are needed and I didn’t think I didn’t know that they were needed but in their in the conversations you have with certain clients it comes up that you’re you’re doing something and you need this for it and these clients are very nice and they’ll do that and and I appreciate that I really do they they kind of meet needs for you that I wasn’t aware of or that maybe you just can’t meet and sometimes I have to be bold enough to say I can’t meet that one and it’s tougher for me and for some guys I know because we want to be everything to our partner and this is what the catalyst thing comes in really really great for me because other people can be certain things to Janet now at the same time they’re receiving their their their healing and their their touch therapy Janet is receiving something different some that I can’t bring they are creative the way that some people will touch me it’s new and it’s helpful to learn I’m learning about myself and so I come back to Karl’s and say hey Carlos like I got this kind of touch today can you do that because I got that that was really nice and like I tell him like I’m yeah people are bringing really beautiful things to me and then I can share with him like can you do it I can do most of it but some of them I can’t my kids it’s a really soft soft touch that I don’t know my sausage fingers or whatever it’s just they’re kind of heavy but I do my best you know but I begin to appreciate what other people bring and what makes you happy and it makes me happy to see you in your joint would you ever ask me to stop cuddling professionally no no no no it makes you very happy that be like you asking me to stop music that’s you know these things they make me thirsty because I’m kind of nervous being out here so I have to drink alone sorry very vulnerable and honest for sure yeah I’m trying to think of some better questions here um so right now there’s some clients that are watching mm-hmm love you guys thank you else I know everybody and what do you want to tell them Wow having to do with this just like party yeah like they they get to spend time with me and they get to have amazing experiences with me and they get to know me in ways that maybe you don’t haven’t quite gotten to know me it’s us different what do you want them to know we’re assuming they’re all clients they’ll come they’ll come later well I wanted I want to say that they really appreciate you and I appreciate the fact that you’ve come forward I know that making that first how do they communicate with you I don’t even know email or phone call or whatever it puts your vulnerability right there on the line and I appreciate that I honor you I also appreciate the fact that you you respect what this amazing woman does and

and there’s a lot of benefits to it and you get a lot out of it what else therapy I told myself after the third or fourth session I’m gonna tell people about this and I want to tell you about this if you think that you just need to be cleansed a little bit you know there’s not have to be like a looming problem like I need to go to a therapist you should probably look into it look into a therapist who’s come word-of-mouth you think you can trust and just go have a session and see what it’s all about because it’s so freeing and liberating as far as your mind goes you don’t even know their stuff clogged up there and there probably is and it was very honoring to me therapists that we go to was able to then honor me and say that my work was amazing and wonderful and I found someone that that understands what I do and sees the value of it and so then was able to communicate to him someone to be able to say hey it’s it’s help she’s doing amazing things and you need to see it from the outside perspective instead of through all the emotions yeah what would you want other people that are watching to know about about cuddling and what I do well the people that I tell they ask me what is she doing as a catalyst I just say it like this means she cuddles people and I say yeah it’s pretty much hit but there’s a lot a lot more to it right away they go to how there’s sex they involve something sexual is going on and there’s nothing sexual going on and I know it’s hard to believe guys especially in my line of work we want to be suspicious and I thought that what was going on what’s the worst thing the sex or the emotional connection for me it’s the emotional guy all right so that’s that’s the thing that you’re needing to like work through this right what if you know what if I fall in love it’s not one of your questions and what if they fall in love it’s always gonna be a question but I can’t control it I can’t control anything that’s gonna happen I mean I trust you and you know therapist said that’s the bottom line do you trust your partner and after saying yes you gotta back it up and I’ll tell you that when I have his full trust and when he respects me and when you’re able to to really give me the space to be Who I am my love pours so much towards you like it’s greater like my commitment is stronger but whenever there’s suspicion and control that starts breaking our relationship I think you don’t realize that when you give your partner freedom to be who they are and that love then they will want you more because they realized that you’re special you’re unique like for me to be completely free actually secures our relationship creates a security if I feel trapped and controlled that would break us it’s counterintuitive in some ways but it’s you told me that too and you said if you give me some freedom I will come back to you double I didn’t believe you then I started doing it and it was true I think there’s a last question you know one desk questions I know I’ve had lots of little comments which one great thank you how do you take care of you Carlos how did take care of yourself let’s see and I hear the thing very important I’m not responsible for his emotions so when he starts freaking out and goes to the scary place and so it’s questioning me and interrogating me and all of those things start happening I have this whole space I’m just there pasola me just love him but just let him do his thing love and the conversation so you don’t let these conversations go on forever and then he needs to deal so I’m not responsible for all this stuff that’s going on and that doesn’t happen a lot anymore at all but every once in a while I remember yeah so I mean my the main point that I had to learn was I wanted you to take care of me because that would mean that I was controlling so how do you take care of yourself emotionally well I I get into things that I love you know the music I love entertaining art I do some art if you’ve seen some of her other Facebook lives you’ve seen my stuff hanging around here I do that and I asked myself I think I’m quiet now I learned this from you man stuff that you do rubs off on people I asked myself what what feels good to you right now listen maybe I’ll just go in and look at albums or shop for music or go have some nachos and read a book you know in my own you need a long time in a relationship and that’s what I’m just learning so I stopped being clingy as as clingy which wasn’t attractive to you at all you would say it’s just not attractive that you don’t go away for a second I was like what kind of partner says that well that’s

healthy healthy partner what do you tell people that you know thinking about becoming a cuddle is who are in a relationship you know maybe they haven’t told their partners yet what think ooh again communication is the key I’ve learned from you that when you started talking about becoming a cut list I was like well what is there to learn you’re gonna cuddle somebody there’s a lot more to it than that I mean there’s a certification that goes with it letting your partner know about what it’s all about and what you’ll be doing it’s very important keeping them in the loop without giving away the confidential I come in and she allottee of your clients and what you’re doing they don’t need to know they don’t Wow am I actually saying that I think you just solidified no but they think right there I was like cemented right strong I felt it yeah the earth looked a little bit we’ve been together for two years yeah oh yeah I did they don’t need to know and that’s hard for me to say but guys you really don’t need to know cuz all that is is ammunition for this gun that you’re loading to be mean to your partner and to be interrogated and when should someone break up with someone these are not supportive that’s a good question I think everyone has their own level they’re gonna know it but once the happiness leaves right I was beginning to lose my joy and I saw lose myself and it was scary and I was depressed and sad and and I knew at that point and there was a moment I think we broke up for like 24 hours I was honored but I admitted to stop he needed to stop it was too much and that’s when you’ve got real about therapy yeah man Julia she actually started it all off yes but knowing what it was called so I could look it up and that’s everything that it ever wanted to get rid of all my life right there in those three words anxious it’s a few stars I’m saying if you’re a cuddle list and you in relation if it’s for sensing somebody who you know well these are sensing that you’re losing that part of you that joy we look at your relationship if you have the patience you can you can see them through a to be a better person but if it gets really bad you know I would I would step away we were several times and it started out great and then my little habits started to come in and now that I’ve been a therapist I recognize it now I started to control you and then your smile left and you’re like I don’t know what I can do anymore and it was a lot of gas lighting that went on but well I think that’s the end of our video thanks everyone for watching and if you have any more comments I’d love to hear them it can always private message Carlos if you have more specific questions that are for him or just make it public and last comment before I say finish every one is worth a second chance therapy all right we all need it

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