Pets Today we’re talking about pets Yes, pets Pets We’re tired of controversies, so we’re talking about something that leaves no space for polarization Pets are the real Brazilian passion The proof is that we call them “pets” When Brazilians want to value something, they say it in English We say “pets”, “shopping center”, “coach” for unemployed people “Of course pets are controversial Some people prefer dogs and others prefer cats.” Yes, but everyone likes pets Xuxa has a parrot Latino has a monkey Trump has Bolsonaro But today we’re talking about a specific pet Yes, even more specific than Trump’s pet, that eats bread with condensed milk, procreates and poops around the house It’s awful No French bulldogs or Siamese cats We’re talking about the Chinese pig, an animal so loved in China that it became a star on TikTok This little pig seemed a bit sad Maybe he found out his brothers are being swallowed At least that’s how I picture Sadia’s chicken It’s a chicken I don’t know if you’ve noticed But he’s the face of a cold storage facility In this picture, you can see him hugging his frozen and packed family Sadia’s chicken represents poor Bolsonarists As the name implies, the Chinese pigs live in China, unlike guinea pigs that aren’t even pigs and they’re not from India It’s the most deceiving name since “sea cows”, that aren’t cows and don’t even look like cows Chinese pigs are docile, curious, intelligent, they like to play and explore new territories As Bela Gil usually says: “You can replace your Labrador with a Chinese pig.” Another characteristic of a Chinese pig is that its population is big, very big China has around 360 million Chinese pigs If they managed to be sovereign, Chinese pigs would be the third country with more population in the world I bet they’d vote for Trump, no doubt Chinese pigs also don’t stop growing Farmers there are overfeeding their pigs, that get to 500kg, the weight of a polar bear They’ll need a lot of pig food We managed to translate the video of that pig from TikTok, and that’s exactly what he was saying I actually eat food with grains I drink a sip of water, which is nutritional Others eat three times a day But you insist on doubling that amount! Yes, he’s complaining about Chinese pigs diet, that apparently eat too many grains As he said it himself, he eats too many grains, specifically soybeans, which is our main export product in Brazil Over 70% of Brazil’s soybeans go to China, mostly to Chinese pig food And we’re talking about that Brazil became China’s pet store Maybe we need to have a pun for our country’s name Apparently, there’s a legislation in Brazil that forces pet stores to have a pun on their names That’d explain names like The Time Is Meow, Oh My Dog, and The Pet Stop What do you think about proclaiming ourselves the Federative Republic of Baconzil? No I like it “a little pig” Brazil would be… a pigsty place China buys so much from us that we even stopped making other kinds of products On the last years, Brazil has deindustrialized to do what? To become a pig food supplier for China We started selling almost exclusively, what economists call “commodities” Uniform products, undifferentiated, with no added value, that didn’t go through any kind of industrial process, like soybeans, rice, oil, iron, banana By the way, the expression “Banana Republic” comes from there It’s a nickname for colonies that depend almost exclusively on the exportation of a simple product, such as bananas, to meet the demand of a richer and more developed country Brazil was formed as a Banana Republic So much that its name comes from the commodity we exported at that time, Brazilwood Yes, we left the “wood” out because it’d sound weird

“I’m a Brazilwoodian, I never give up.” It’d be weird. Sorry if that joke didn’t sound Brazilwoodian Anyway, later on, we started to industrialize, little by little, selling more expensive products, that’d provide more qualified jobs But recently we’ve started focusing on commodities again How did that happen? Well, now we have to agree with your aunt from WhatsApp It’s PT’s fault This graph makes things very clear China became Brazil’s great importer during Lula’s government, when its uncontrolled growth promoted a commodity boom around the world But after PT left, our dependency on China only increased During Temer’s government, the Brief, China’s percentage over our exports only went up Yes, I called him Temer, the Brief I really wanted presidents to have nicknames, like kings used to have Sarney, the Eternal Collor, the Careerist Wouldn’t it be nice? Our exports actually increased during Temer’s government, also known as the time when we were less unhappy and we didn’t realize At the same time, Brazil slowly decreased its investment in education, research and infrastructure, without which you can’t produce industrialized products instead of just commodities There’s nothing wrong with selling commodities, as long as you don’t accommodate yourself Oh God. Sorry, guys We’ve been bitten by the pet store virus on this show Anyway, it seems Brazil is accommodated with this farmer role who feeds pigs that feed Chinese people Brazil basically got into Silvio Santos’ “yes or no” cabin When he asked: “Do you want to replace your incipient industry with going back to colonial extractions?”, we answered: “Yes!” Then came Bolsonaro and it seemed that we’d progress on this dependency matter Why? Because Jair Bolsonaro has always been worried about our relationship with the Chinese Now they want to expand the sale of agricultural lands Who’ll buy that? Mostly China What will that make us? Tenants of our own country You live here, but China will decide what you eat They’ll break our agriculture They’ll dominate our food security Can we let this happen? People criticize me: “He’s xenophobic He’s a nationalizer.” You can’t privatize certain things I can’t believe I’m saying that, guys, but Bolsonaro is right I’ve been doing this show for years, and we’d never come across that We were kind of shocked He said something that makes sense But wait, we have to be fair To make him sound reasonable, we had to make many cuts It had to be a small piece, so I confess, we were kind of dishonest We had to leave out the context of what he was talking about to make him sound right Now I see why hatred cabinet people get paid so well It’s really hard to make him make sense It needs a lot of editing Check out everything we left out of the same speech he gave on a sidewalk to make him sound reasonable Then be the boss! You won’t have sex until you die Specially guys our age, right, Paulinho? Some state-owned enterprises you wouldn’t want even if I gave you If you want to date our 10-year-old daughter and get her pregnant, you can do it! Many foreigners have this tradition of dating and getting 10-year-old girls pregnant We’re two sexagenarian young people If a child is born and you want to cut off her clitoris, you can do that too! Brazil is over That’s it In this mashup of insanity we found that sentence about China, that made all sense And he was right about that, because we can’t give up on our food security and surrender to a superpower’s interests But since he took office, guess what? The only thing that made sense on that speech was the only thing he forgot And Bolsonaro didn’t care much about our food security In 18 months, our dependency on China hasn’t decreased, it has increased a lot For you to have an idea, these were our Brazilian exports in 2018 China was already our greatest customer In 2018, they bought almost 27% of everything we sold abroad More than the U.S., Argentina, the Netherlands and Chile altogether Yes, 2nd, 3rd, 4th and 5th greatest importers altogether But on the first semester of 2020, the Chinese bought 40% of Brazilian exports Yes. We went from 27 to 40% This is happening partly because China is worried about its food security

and their population’s, so they’re buying a lot of soybeans A lot, to raise more pigs and guarantee that the Chinese won’t starve The increase of China’s demand for soybeans creates demand for lands here, which makes a small number of criminals start burning wild areas of state-owned properties, trusting the government won’t do anything, so years from now they’ll be able to sell these lands They just need to put some cattle there, to pretend it’s pasture Later on, they start planting soybeans on this land Anyway, nowadays, at least 20% of soy exports from Brazil are related to deforestation More than the meat industry That’s how the demand of Chinese pigs for soybeans is helping to burn Pantanal, Cerrado and the Amazon And worse, the company that most profits from Brazilian soy exports is not even Brazilian, it’s American, which is Cargil No, Cargil is not another Gilberto Gil’s daughter It’s an American company that is basically owned by one family from Minnesota That is, it’s not enough to destroy the Cerrado to feed Chinese pigs They have to do that to make an American family rich Bolsonaro is a diplomatic genius In this cold war between China and the U.S., he managed to please everyone by screwing our lives Besides the environmental matter, this is also terrible for our food security, like I said Exactly what worried him a few years ago It’s exactly in the name of that security that the Chinese are no longer planting soybeans Yes, because soybean is an Asian plant It’s originally from China But the Chinese don’t want to produce soybeans in large scale due to hydric stress caused by it In the mid-20s, the Chinese used to plant almost half of all soybeans Now, it doesn’t get to 5% They import 80% of what they consume And yes, “hydric stress” is a real term It’s not just a scientific expression for people who cause a storm in a teacup Hydric stress is the non-sustainable use of water, leading to the lack of it in the future The Chinese buy our soybeans because planting it wastes water, and water is valuable They know it’ll get even more valuable, since the whole world is drying up Half of world’s population will face lack of water in 2050, including a large part of China That’s why China’s government has already spent 80 billion dollars in one of the greatest engineering projects just to take water from the South to the North Once it’s complete, this project will take 45 trillion liters of water per year to the driest parts of China That’s right. Brazil annually gives China a gift, inside soybeans, more than double the amount of water this billionaire project will carry When importing Brazilian soybeans, the Chinese are actually importing water Soybeans are like mules to water It’s not a coincidence that Brazil is drying up and burning while the Chinese industry grows As the Chinese pig has already said: “Water is nutritional.” I drink a sip of water, which is nutritional Is it just me or that water is actually gin and tonic? We’re watching you, piglet That’s a different kind of water But depending so much on soybeans is also bad for our food security for another reason For soy exporters, it’s great when the dollar goes up Yes, soy price is set on dollars That’s why when the real is valued, exporters get worried, as we can see on these old articles from 2016 And this internal pressure of really powerful groups to keep the real devalued, directly affects the price of other commodities, such as rice Yes, just like soybeans, rice price is linked to the dollar That explains why rice price has almost tripled during the last months, even with a pretty high dollar For rice producers, this is great news, as Minister of Agriculture, Tereza Cristina, with a “Z”, mentioned We had many years with low prices for rice producers This has been the first year that rice producers started to be in the black They had prices that were adjusted and paid for production costs Yes, before, rice producers didn’t profit Planting rice was a hobby “What do you do?”, “Oh, I play Minecraft, I collect art toys and I have a rice property I really like it It’s really cool.” She thinks Tio João is actually an old man who plants rice to feed his nephew It’s family business Tio João is a very nice guy who wants to feed his nephews and nieces And Bolsonaro has many reasons to give in to the pressure of commodity exporters, like rice and soybeans, even if that means making some Brazilians starve To understand that, check out where soybeans are on this map These are all cities that produce soybeans in the country Now, check out this other map Almost the same, right? This map shows Brazilian cities in which Bolsonaro won the elections

in 2018’s 2nd round This devastated land, the middle area of Brazil that destroyed all ecosystems to become a single-crop land, turning the country into a huge monoculture, that’s what makes us depend on China so much While Mao Tse Tung made a cultural revolution there, Bolsonaro is making a monocultural revolution There’s Mao Tse Tung and there’s Worse Tse Tung, who’s our president But there’s one person who doesn’t like our approach to the Chinese at all American president, Donald Trump Of course This week, at the UN General Assembly, he complained a lot about China You realize the world is fucked when everybody watches the UN General Assembly as if we were watching A Fazenda “Guys, let’s watch shit go down Things are getting ugly.” It seems like the cast came out of a reality show Trump is a former apprentice, Bolsonaro was on SuperPop Anyway To please his friend Trump, Bolsonaro decided to adopt an anti-Chinese speech Although he’s pro-China when it comes to turning Brazil into a great soy land, when it comes to asking them for help to get the vaccine they’re developing, Bolsonaro prefers to express disdain for China In July, when Bolsonaro announced a partnership between the federal government and the joint venture that is developing the Oxford vaccine, he tried to comfort Brazilian people, saying “it’s not from that country” Yes, our president seems to be on Fofocalizando “A certain Asian country is developing a certain vaccine for that disease.” Just say it, man This certain country is China I think he’s afraid of offending his boss When quarantine started, Eduardo Bolsonaro created a huge diplomatic crisis with China Why? Because he decided to defend a growth model in which Brazil would depend less on soybeans? No. It was because he posted a tweet in which he blamed China for the pandemic “Once more a dictatorship chose to hide something serious instead of exposing its weariness that would save many lives China is guilty and freedom would be the solution.” Speaking of hiding something serious rather than exposing weariness, I’d like to know why Queiroz transferred 89k reais to the first lady I mean The reaction was so instant that it even caused a quarrel between Eduardo and Mourão, leading 03 to an embarrassing situation Sir, vice-president Hamilton Mourão said you don’t represent the government and that if your name was Bananinha, there wouldn’t be a problem with your comment about China Were you offended by that? No, I know what he wanted to say He meant my tweet is being heightened just because I’m Jair Bolsonaro’s son He was unfortunate when choosing the name Bananinha because it gives space to mockery, but I’m not worried about it Yes Bolsonaros are turning the country into a Bananinha Republic But we can change that We can build a supreme country that isn’t bought by China But we won’t do that by cursing China nor cursing China while we destroy the country to sell soybeans to China We can do the opposite, get inspiration from China Not by the lack of transparency, information or political freedom, which is what Bolsonaro apparently is trying to copy, but get inspired by the inclusive growth strategy China has been heavily and consistently investing for decades in education, research and infrastructure The country grew with inclusion On the last 3 decades, China got 850 million people out of poverty, four times the population of Brazil Suck it, Lula “I got 40 million people out of social misery.” Lula, I’m sorry You’d have to go on a world tour taking people out of poverty to get to that number And every year their minimum wage increases between 10 and 20% above the inflation, believe it or not Up to 1991, Brazil’s economy was greater than China’s Yes, 1991 We had Sarney, then Collor Even then, we were greater than China Since then, China has been growing 10% a year for 30 years In these 3 decades, there wasn’t one single year that Brazil’s economy grew so much like that China’s average is better than our maximum rate That’s how they became the 2nd biggest economy in the world

China’s leap, leaving us way far behind, was the result of a long-term strategic project, promoted by two huge government investments in education and also infrastructure First, in education: public, excellent and accessible to everyone Now, China is at the top of the learning ranking, PISA, in math, science and reading This record was made in China Recently, the Chinese government invested heavily in first-class, efficient and comfortable infrastructure for the whole country, not only for rich people, like other countries do The high-speed rail service they built in a decade, for example, makes any other in the world look like a toy In 10 years, China was capable of building 29k kilometers of high-speed rail lines This is 500 times more than the U.S and 8 times more than France Just to give you an idea, a trip from São Paulo to Salvador would take a little bit more than 5 hours and a half From Rio to São Paulo, it’d be even less The trip would take 1h10 That makes China the global leader on high-speed transportation I feel really depressed Oh God, I can’t watch that I’m jealous I’m really jealous right now As the song goes: “Life is like a high-speed rail, brother It’s not about having all railroads to yourself It’s about knowing that Belford Roxo’s train can’t do that.” Now, Chinese prosperity moves global economy China is the great fuel of global capitalism Firstly because they fabricate around 28% of world products at low prices, participating in almost every supply chain in every country Secondly because with a population of 1.4 billion people getting richer every year, it’s a huge consumer market, the one that grows the most in the planet No, it’s not RedeTV, which slogan is “the network that grows the most in Brazil” Nobody knows where that came from This huge progress in the economy and life quality of over 1 billion people in a little bit more than 20 years could be seen as an economic miracle, to use a term Bolsonaro knows But just like the economic miracle of Brazilian’s dictatorship, China’s had the same secret Largely, it was done at the expense of Brazil’s natural heritage in both cases China outsourced part of the consequences of this exponential growth to us And they didn’t need guns or bombs to force us to do that We chose to be stupid And we thought we were doing just fine We keep thinking that and choosing gladly this role of stupid people Today, we’re seeing terrible footage from the Amazon and Pantanal Instead of the country mobilizing to put out the fire, it’s ignoring all environment warnings and using agribusiness as a defense They say agribusiness sustains our balance of trade Agribusiness holds this country Agribusiness produces food But our agribusiness is actually feeding Chinese pigs The proof is that we plant a lot of soybeans It’s not for us If it weren’t for the Chinese’s great demand for soybeans, the perspective of destroying our ecosystems to make crops wouldn’t be so seductive to great producers Even then, it’d be totally possible to feed Brazil Bolsonaro criticizes the Chinese when refusing the vaccine, but he acts cowardly when defending our interests and wealth Bolsonaro could just allocate non-occupied public lands in the Amazon, Pantanal, Cerrado, creating parks, sustainable growth areas and indigenous lands to stop soy land expansion Soybeans to make pig food is not just advancing into the forest, but into our whole economy, our capacity to recover the industry and into our greatest asset to become an economic power in the 21st century, which is biodiversity For example, some studies calculate that if the Amazon were healthy and being explored sustainably, it could bring in 7 trillion reais a year 200 times more than soybeans We’re wasting money to turn the country into a poor pet store for one single species, the Chinese pig We could change Brazil’s calling without demonizing China, without fearing China for the wrong reasons and without choosing more each day to be somebody’s lapdog, replacing our most valuable asset with Chinese breadcrumbs Bolsonaro seems to be Trump’s lapdog, because he likes being a subordinate and selling that idea But he’s not even doing this right Maybe it’s actually a fetish,

because he salutes Trump, but he licks Xi Jinping’s boots Curiously, Bolsonaro is the one giving the country to communists I mean, not to communists, but to communist pigs This has been Greg News Oinc, Brazil! What’s up? Thanks for the opportunity I’m talking about what you have to get us stuffed I know you also like dogs and cats Thank you, motherland of pets! But sometimes people must think I’m stupid I’m a pig! Let me tell you something Just because I’m rich, they call me “capitalist pig” “Oh, he has a Xiaomi, he’s rich.” I’m a communist! And I’m showing it off, you know? You know who forced you to starve in order to feed me? Nobody I’m drawing a vaccine here, in case you didn’t notice If it works, don’t be afraid It’ll be injected into your butt But I think your butt is on the line

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