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male narrator: THERE’S A WHOLE NEW BREED OF GAMBLER – STARTING TO PISS ME OFF – YEE-HAW! narrator: WHO RISK EVERYTHING TO HAUL THE MOST UNUSUAL ITEMS – FIRE IN THE HOLE! – THIS THING IS JUST AN ABSOLUTE BEAST narrator: ONE WRONG MOVE, AND THEY COULD LOSE IT ALL BUT IF THE BID IS RIGHT – WHOO! – BOO-YAH! narrator: THE REWARDS CAN BE HUGE – MORE MONEY, MORE MONEY, MORE MONEY – [laughs] narrator: ON THIS EPISODE OF SHIPPING WARS – I’VE GOT THIS GIANT MECHANICAL BABY HEAD – NOTHING SAYS TOUGH LIKE A GIANT BABY HEAD – THAT’S CREEPY – WOULD YOU CUT A RENOIR IN HALF? – YES, I WOULD – WE HAVE A FLIGHT SIMULATOR THAT’S WORTH 75,000 – WE REALLY NEED TO GET THIS ONE – MY UNCLE STEVE-O ASKED IF HE COULD COME ALONG ON A RUN – HOW MANY JOYCES DOES IT TAKE TO DO A SHIPMENT? – BRAKES, BRAKES, BRAKES [bleep] – NO MATTER WHAT, AT ALL COSTS, I WILL GET THESE LOADS NICKELS HOLDING UP A DOLLAR LET’S GO – I DON’T GET INTIMIDATED, BECAUSE I WAS RAISED TO BE TOUGH [camel grunts] AH! – I’M VERY MUCH AN AMATEUR AT THIS I’M DEFINITELY HAVING AN “OH, [bleep]” MOMENT HERE – YEE-HA! EVERY TIME I WIN A BID, MAN, IT’S JUST LIKE I JUST HIT THE JACKPOT – IT’S ABOUT MAKING MONEY WE’RE LOGISTICS SPECIALISTS JUST ANOTHER DAY AT THE OFFICE OH, YEAH – YOU KNOW, I LOVE THIS JOB SO WE JUST GOT THIS BRAND SPANKIN’ NEW TRAILER THIS THING’S AWESOME WILL CARRY 35 TON IT’S 53 FOOT LONG ALL THAT MATH ADDS UP TO ME KICKING THESE GUYS IN THE [bleep] – OUR LITTLE BOY CARTER’S ABOUT TO START PRESCHOOL, SO WE’VE BEEN LOOKING AT A BUNCH PRIVATE SCHOOLS FOR HIM – WE GOT TO GET A HUGE PAYDAY, OR CARTER’S GOT TO GET A SCHOLARSHIP – MY UNCLE STEVE-O ASKED IF HE COULD COME ALONG ON A RUN SEE IF SHIPPING COULD BE A MONEYMAKER IN HIS RETIREMENT I FIGURED, WHY NOT? I COULD USE THE HELP – TODAY I’M GONNA STAY CALM, COOL, AND CALCULATED [horn beeps] [bleep] GO AROUND – WELL, TODAY I’M GONNA BE LIKE AN ALLIGATOR WAITING JUST BELOW THE SURFACE, AND WAIT TO MAKE MY MOVE I STRIKE, LOCK ON, AND DO THE DEATH ROLL male narrator: EVERY DAY, USHIP.COM POSTS SPECIAL TIMED AUCTIONS FOR SELECT TOP LEVEL TRANSPORTERS – WHAT WE GOT TODAY? – FIRST ITEM UP FOR BID: A FLIGHT SIMULATOR – THAT’S A WIDE ONE – WE HAVE A 727 FLIGHT SIMULATOR THAT WE NEED TO SHIP TO PHILADELPHIA FOR SOME TRAINING EVEN THOUGH IT IS OLD, FLIGHT SIMULATOR’S WORTH 75,000 SO THEREFORE, THEY’RE GONNA HAVE TO SECURE EVERYTHING AND REALLY MAKE SURE THAT IT’S, UH, PADDED – A STIMULATOR? – SIMULATOR NOT STIMULATOR – I’M EXCITED ABOUT THIS TRAINER BECAUSE IT’S A CLASSIC THE NEWER COCKPITS JUST DON’T HAVE THE EXCITEMENT AND THE FEEL THAT THE OLDER ONES DO IF THE SIMULATOR ARRIVES LATE OR DAMAGED, THE SHIPPER IS CERTAINLY RESPONSIBLE narrator: THIS FLIGHT SIMULATOR MUST TRAVEL OVER 800 MILES FROM GRIFFIN, GEORGIA, TO PHILADELPHIA, PENNSYLVANIA, IN TIME FOR A TRAINING SESSION – LET’S GET IT, BABY BID – LET’S JUST WAIT TO SEE WHERE IT STARTS OFF – I’LL SHOW YOU WHERE IT STARTS OFF I’LL DO IT FROM THE PHONE 3,500 – “I’LL DO IT FROM THE PHONE.” – I LIKE THIS LOAD IT’S UNUSUAL SHAPE, KIND OF ODD DIMENSIONS IT’S A GREAT LOAD TO TRY OUT MY NEW TRAILER – IT LOOKS PRETTY STRAIGHTFORWARD IT COMES APART IN PIECES, SO IT COULD FIT IN MY TRAILER DIFFERENT WAYS – I’M GETTING PUMPED UP – [bleep] IT, JARRETT [exhales deeply] – WHERE IS ROY? – WHO CARES? 3,200 – IT’S 800 MILES WE CAN STILL MAKE SOME GOOD MONEY WE’RE GONNA GET THIS THING – WELL, JARRETT THE MASOCHIST IS STILL IN USUALLY I GET DESPERATE AND DROP THE BID BUT NOT TODAY I’LL GO 2,900 – WE REALLY NEED TO GET THIS – STAY ZEN, JEN STAY ZEN – WHY DON’T WE GO 25,999? THAT ALWAYS SOUNDS LIKE A BETTER DEAL YOU KNOW, IT’S LIKE A RETAIL STORE IT’S A BETTER SALE PRICE, DON’T YOU THINK? – I THINK MY UNCLE STEVE-O IS ONTO SOMETHING – JARRETT DOESN’T STRUGGLE WITH TOO MUCH EMOTION IT’S TOO LITTLE BRAIN – YOU DON’T MAKE MONEY BY LOSING IT WE’RE OUT – A GATOR MAKES HIS MOVE – [groans] IT’S OKAY I’VE GOT THIS – THE WHOLE POINT IS TO MAKE MONEY HERE COME ON – OUT – WE’RE RUNNING OUT OF TIME – YEP YES! – WE GOT THE STIMULATOR! – OH! JARRETT! [laughter] – STEVE, WE GOT TO HURRY, BUDDY WE ARE ON A DEADLINE – JARRETT, WE’RE PICKING UP A FLIGHT SIMULATOR, RIGHT? – YEAH – IF WE PICK SOMETHING ELSE UP, WOULDN’T WE MAKE MORE MONEY? – JUST A FEW MINUTES ON THE JOB, AND UNCLE STEVE IS ALREADY THINKING LIKE A PRO BUT IT WOULD HAVE TO BE ON THE WAY, AND IT WOULD HAVE TO BE WORTHWHILE – HERE YOU GO, JARRETT HERE’S A SMOKER, AND IT PAYS $250 – WILL IT FIT INSIDE OF HERE? – THE LAST PERSON I WOULD HAVE ASKED IF ANYTHING WOULD FIT ON MY TRAILER IS JARRETT – YEAH, THAT PIG COOKER WILL GO IN HERE – THAT’S GOOD – SECOND TO LAST, ANYONE RELATED TO JARRETT – I’LL TELL YOU, MAN, THIS SHIPPING’S HARD WORK – MY UNCLE ALWAYS SAYS TWO JOYCES ARE BETTER THAN ONE ARE YOU READY TO GO? – YEAH NOW IT’S TIME TO PROVE IT

HEY, HOW ARE YOU? – GOOD. HOW YOU DOING? – GOOD. I’M JARRETT – RON POWERS – GOOD TO MEET YOU – HOW YOU DOING? – GOOD, GOOD – Y’ALL COME ON IN LET ME SHOW YOU WHAT YOU GOT TO WORK WITH – ALL RIGHT HOLY COW THAT’S BIGGER THAN I THOUGHT IT WAS – THIS DON’T REALLY LOOK GOOD, JARRETT – WHAT? – HOW BIG IS YOUR TRAILER? – IT AIN’T BIG ENOUGH – IT TOOK JARRETT’S UNCLE ONE DAY TO FIGURE OUT WHAT JARRETT HASN’T FIGURED OUT IN 27 YEARS – WE GOT TO HURRY, BUDDY – Y’ALL GETTING AWFULLY TIGHT IN THAT TRAILER NOW – WE STILL GOT – WE GOT THAT – THAT, THAT, AND THAT – WE’RE GONNA HAVE TO PUT IT IN THE BACK OF THE TRUCK – WELL, WHAT ABOUT YOUR– [bleep] THERE GOES ANY ROOM WE HAD FOR THE PIG COOKER [metal squeaking] – THAT’S A HORRIBLE NOISE – GOT TO SAVE A LITTLE ROOM FOR MY PIG COOKER – THANK Y’ALL – HE DON’T NEED TO KNOW THAT – Y’ALL BE CAREFUL – YOU TOO CAN I FIRE FAMILY? – WELL, JARRETT – WHAT? – WHERE WE GONNA PICK THIS PIG COOKER UP AT? – 50 MILES DOWN THE ROAD, BUT I DON’T KNOW WHAT THE HELL WE’RE GONNA DO – AW, [bleep] narrator: NEXT USHIP.COM ITEM UP FOR BID: A GIANT BABY HEAD SCULPTURE – SO I’M ASSUMING SCULPTURE MEANS ART – MY NAME IS DAVID ALTAIR KARAVE I’M AN ARTIST I’VE GOT THIS PIECE IT’S CALLED PSYCHOKINETIC CHILD THIS GIANT MECHANICAL BABY HEAD IS 20 FEET TALL, AND IT’S ABOUT ANOTHER 20 FEET ALL THE WAY FROM END TO END – 20 FEET TALL? THAT’S A HUGE BABY HEAD – WE’VE GOT TENS OF THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE READY TO SEE THIS ART EXHIBIT WE’RE GONNA PUT 100% EFFORT INTO GETTING IT OUT THERE narrator: THIS UNUSUAL WORK OF ART MUST TRAVEL FROM AUSTIN, TEXAS, TO AN ART SHOW IN GERLACH, NEVADA, IN FIVE DAYS – ANOTHER BIG LOAD WHICH USUALLY MEANS BIG MONEY 5 GRAND – MARC WANTS THIS? – NOTHING SAYS TOUGH LIKE A GIANT BABY HEAD – MY LAST “SIT BACK AND ATTACK” APPROACH DIDN’T PAN OUT I’D BEST STRIKE FAST, SO 4,900 – I COULD RENT A TRAILER AND STILL MAKE SOME CASH A BABY NEEDS ITS MAMA – 400 BUCKS? – WAH – THIS BABY HEAD’S WAY OVER HER HEAD, THAT’S FOR SURE – IT’S TIME TO ROLL THE DICE – BABY NEEDS A NEW PAIR OF SHOES – THESE IDIOTS BETTER PULL THEIR HEADS OUT OF THEIR [bleep]– 4,325 – FIVE STATES? THE PERMITS ALONE ARE GONNA COST ME A LOT OF MONEY I’M OUT – ADIOS, JEN – LET’S WIN THIS THING – THIS LOAD’S MINE – ROY, BEING A BABY DOESN’T MEAN YOU GET TO HAUL THE BABY – 4,100 [bleep] – AS LONG AS IT PAYS – 4 GRAND – EVERYONE WILL THANK ME FOR THIS ESPECIALLY THE BABY HEAD – YOU THINK A DOLLAR’S GONNA SAVE YOU? LET THE YOUNG GUNS DO THE HEAVY LIFTING – I’M SURROUNDED BY CHILDREN NO WONDER THEY WANT TO HAUL THIS BABY HEAD – OH, I’M GONNA TEACH [bleep] AND ROBBIE A LESSON FREE OF CHARGE YOU’RE WELCOME – AFTER DEALING WITH ROY, THAT BABY HEAD IS GONNA NEED COUNSELING – I’M GONNA PICK UP THIS BABY HEAD – THE REAL PROBLEM WITH ALL OF THIS IS, I’VE GOT A REAL STRICT DEADLINE I’VE GOT TO GET IT LOADED AND GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE, NO ANDs, IFs, OR BUTs ABOUT IT WHOA OH, THIS IS GONNA BE ALL KINDS OF [bleep] FUN, AIN’T IT? THIS IS ALREADY [bleep] THE WAY IT IS I DON’T HAVE MUCH TIME TO LOAD THIS, SO HOPEFULLY IT’S READY TO GO YOU KNOW THAT DOESN’T HELP, RIGHT? – NAMASTE, BROTHER – [bleep] HIPPIES YOU ALTAIR? – HOW’S IT GOING? NICE TO MEET YOU – HOW YOU DOING? – IT’S A GIGANTIC MECHANICAL BABY HEAD – A GIANT BABY HEAD? IS THAT THE PERFECT VISUAL FOR ROY AND HIS EGO OR WHAT? – THIS THINGS TAKEN US ABOUT THREE SOLID MONTHS WE’RE JUST EXCITED TO SHARE THIS ART THAT WE’VE BEEN CREATING HERE – YEAH, ROY AREN’T YOU EXCITED TO SHARE IN THE ART THEY’VE BEEN CREATING? WHOO-HOO! – CAN MOVE THE MOUTH ROY “IT’S THE BABY HEAD SPEAKING.” – I DON’T CARE WHAT THESE GUYS ARE ON, BUT IT’S TIME FOR A DOSE OF REALITY SO WHAT WE NEED TO DO IS, WE NEED TO REDUCE THIS DOWN INTO QUITE A FEW PIECES IN ORDER TO GET IT ON MY TRUCK – NO, MAN, THERE’S NO WAY THIS IS A COMPLETE PIECE OF ART – YOU NEED TO STOP – IF WE START CUTTING THIS THING– – I SAID YOU NEED TO STOP I CANNOT LEGALLY DRIVE ANYTHING MORE THAN 14 FEET HIGH END OF STORY NO, SHE AIN’T GOING OUT IN ONE PIECE – IF WE HAVE TO CUT THIS THING, WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO? HOW ARE WE GONNA PUT IT BACK TOGETHER THEN? – THAT’S ON YOU GUYS I’M JUST HERE TO SHIP IT PUT THAT IN YOUR PIPE AND SMOKE IT IF YOU HAVEN’T ALREADY – WE PUT EVERYTHING INTO THIS WOULD YOU CUT A GREAT WORK OF ART IN HALF? WOULD YOU CUT A RENOIR IN HALF? WOULD YOU CUT A MATISSE IN HALF? – YES, I WOULD – YOU MAKE THE DECISION RIGHT NOW SORRY, BUT THAT’S JUST THE WAY I AM I’M IN THE SHIPPING BUSINESS NOT THE HIPPY ART BUSINESS I GOT SOME REAL BAD NEWS FOR YOU

YOU WOULDN’T EVEN BE ABLE TO GET THAT [bleep] THING OUT THE DOOR YOUR DOOR AIN’T 20 FEET HIGH THE DOOR’S 14 FEET THAT’S ALMOST 20 – ALL RIGHT, SO YOU’RE SAYING WE HAVE TO CUT IT OKAY – LET’S CUT THIS PIECE OF [bleep] [saws buzzing] I’M GETTING THE [bleep] OUT OF THE WAY BEFORE THAT THING FALLS ON MY HEAD – GENTLE, GENTLE! THIS IS A PIECE OF ART PUSH IT OUT GENTLY DON’T CRACK THE MACHE AH! – KIDS, THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS TO YOU WHEN YOU DO DRUGS – TEAMWORK! – OH! – OH! – GET UP, GET UP, GET UP, GET UP. COME ON – THIS IS TAKING FOREVER, MAN [inhales sharply] THEY GOT TIME – HOLY MOLY [bongo drums playing] – MAYBE THIS WOULD BE DONE ALREADY IF BONGO JOE WOULD HELP OUT [bongos playing rhythmically] I NEED YOU TO KNOW, I’M REALLY CONCERNED ABOUT NOT MAKING THAT DEADLINE THERE’S NO WAY I CAN’T DO IT – LISTEN, IF YOU DIDN’T SPEND, LIKE, THREE HOURS TELLING US WE COULDN’T FRICKIN’ DO THIS, WE’D BE ALREADY DONE WITH THIS LET’S GET IT [bleep] DONE COME ON! – ROY, JUST GIVE PEACE A CHANCE – FOLLOW MY LEAD, MAN THIS SIDE SHOULD BE ON THE PASSENGER SIDE STOP [saw buzzing] – YOU’RE OUR LAST HOPE, ROY – LAST HOPE? I AM YOUR ONLY HOPE WE GOT BLINKY, BLINKY THIS LOAD’S ALREADY A PAIN IN MY [bleep], AND I STILL HAVE TO DRIVE IT 2,000 MILES IF I MAKE IT ON TIME, IT’S GONNA BE A [bleep] MIRACLE YOU KNOW THAT, DON’T YOU? – DOESN’T HE KNOW HE’S IN THE PRESENCE OF A MIRACLE WORKER? BOW OR SOMETHING – WE GOT A LOT OF PEOPLE COMING TO SEE THIS ARTWORK AND– – BYE I GOT TO GO I GOT PEOPLE TO DO AND THINGS TO SEE THEY’VE PUT ME WAY BEHIND I CAN’T DRIVE TOO MUCH LONGER DUE TO THE SIMPLE FACT THAT MY PERMITS DON’T LET ME DRIVE AFTER DARK SO IT’S REALLY GONNA [bleep] WITH MY DEADLINE – WE GOT TO FIGURE OUT WHAT WE’RE GONNA DO ABOUT THIS PIG COOKER IT’S NOT GONNA FIT WE’RE GONNA BE LATE – WELL, THE MAIN THING IS, IS THIS [clears throat] MY HEMORRHOIDS ARE KILLING ME – HE’S NOT THE ONLY ONE WITH A PAIN IN THE BUTT – OH, HERE WE GO BUNCH OF PIG COOKERS – WE CAN’T GET ONE OF THEM THINGS IN THIS TRAILER – NO [bleep] HEY, HOW ARE YOU? – HEY, PRETTY GOOD – I’M ED ORTONE OKAY, LET ME SHOW YOU WHAT YOU’RE TAKING HERE – IS THIS IT? – YEAH – THERE’S NO WAY THIS WOULD HAVE FIT IN MY BUS WITHOUT THE SIMULATOR HOW ARE WE GONNA LOAD THIS THING UP? – I HIRED YOU BECAUSE YOU HAD A GOOD TRAILER AND EVERYTHING AND YOU COULD– – OH, WE GOT THE TRAILER FULL, MR. ORTONE – WE GOT TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO GET THIS TO THE CUSTOMER – THE SHIPPING GENE IS NOT VERY DOMINANT IN THE JOYCE DNA – I GOT A GOOD IDEA – WHAT’S THAT? – LET’S UNHOOK A TRAILER, HOOK IT ON THE BACK OF THE TRUCK, AND WE CAN HAUL IT TO THE DESTINATION AND COME BACK HERE AND PICK OUR TRAILER UP – THAT IS A GREAT IDEA, STEVE, IF WE WEREN’T ALREADY BEHIND SCHEDULE BUT IT’S THE ONLY OPTION I SAID I’LL SHIP IT, SO I’M SHIPPING IT – YOU KNOW, I HOPE THIS RAIN DON’T MESS UP MY HAIR, MR. ORTONE DOES IT LOOK ALL RIGHT? – FABULOUS – [laughing] – IF I WAS A LITTLE YOUNGER – [laughs] – YEAH, I HATE TO BREAK UP THIS LITTLE BROMANCE THAT’S BREWING, BUT WE GOT A DEADLINE – KEEP IT UNDER 100 IN THE TURNS, OKAY? – ALL RIGHT, I WILL – THANKS – LOOK, STEVE, THIS IS TAKING DOUBLE THE AMOUNT OF TIME WE GOT TO CARRY THIS COOKER UP HERE, AND WE GOT TO TURN AROUND AND GO BACK – IS THIS MY FAULT? – IT IS YOUR FAULT – I HAVE NEVER IN MY LIFE SEEN ANYBODY DRIVE THIS FAST – BACKSEAT CHURCH BUS DRIVERS ARE THE WORST – GET THIS DROPPED OFF AS QUICK AS WE CAN LET’S GO – HOW YOU DOING, MAN? – HEY, I’M JARRETT – I’M DAVID BROWNING – NICE TO MEET YOU – HEY, HOW YOU DOING, DAVID? – YEAH, MAN, LET’S CHECK IT OUT – THAT’S THE PRETTIEST PIG COOKER I EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE – I’D LIKE TO FIRE IT UP, MAYBE PUT ON SOME RIBS OR SOMETHING AND MAKE SURE EVERYTHING’S WORKING RIGHT, OR THE WAY IT’S SUPPOSED TO – THAT SOUNDS GOOD TO ME I LOVE RIBS – WE DON’T HAVE TIME TO STAY AND EAT, STEVE OH, MAN, HE’S MAKING ME SOUND LIKE MY DAD – WE TOOK GOOD CARE OF IT, DAVID – YEAH? WELL, EVERYTHING LOOKS TO BE PRETTY GOOD SHAPE, MAN I APPRECIATE Y’ALL DELIVERING THAT, MAN – THANK YOU – I SURE DO APPRECIATE IT A LOT – WE GOT TO GO – ALL RIGHT – DON’T BLAME ME – COME ON, STEVE YOU’RE THE ONE THAT WANTED THE PIG COOKER – DON’T BLAME ME WE BETTER HURRY UP MAYBE I CAN DRIVE – I DON’T THINK SO – WE GOT A LOT OF TIME TO MAKE UP NOW – JARRETT – YEAH? – YOU THINK WE MIGHT COULD FIND ANOTHER LOAD? – NO – I’M GOING THROUGH FIVE STATES, AND EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THEM HAVE DICTATED THE ROUTE THAT I’M TAKING NONE OF THEM ARE MAJOR HIGHWAYS IT’S JUST GONNA KEEP SLOWING ME DOWN MORE AND MORE I’M COMING UP ON THE BASE OF THE ROCKIES HERE THE ONLY OVERSIZED LOAD I’VE BROUGHT THROUGH THE ROCKIES WAS MY SECOND WIFE

THIS IS THE PART I’VE BEEN DREADING RIGHT THROUGH HERE LOOK RIGHT OVER THERE WE GOT RAIN COMING OH THERE’S SOMETHING WRONG SOMETHING’S WRONG WITH THE BRAKES THEY JUST NOW STARTED HOPPING COMING DOWN THIS HILL BRAKES GOING OUT ARE NEVER A GOOD THING [groans] BUT IF IT’S WET MOUNTAIN ROADS, WORST CASE SCENARIO [whispering] [bleep] 7% GRADE COME ON, BRAKES, BRAKES, BRAKES I’M JUST BARELY TOUCHING THEM HAULING THE GIANT PILE OF HIPPIE [bleep] ART IS NOT HOW I PLAN ON GOING OUT [ringtone chiming] HELLO? WE HIT A BUNCH OF RAIN NOW WE’RE HAVING MAJOR BRAKE ISSUES SO ME NOT HAVING ANY BRAKES DOESN’T MAKE A [bleep] BIT OF DIFFERENCE TO YOU? I’M TRYING TO MAKE THE DEADLINE I’LL TALK YOU LATER. BYE I DON’T HAVE ANY BRAKES, [bleep] ARROGANT LITTLE [bleep] THERE’S SOMETHING SERIOUSLY WRONG – COMING DOWN THE HILL, SHE’S JUST BOUNCING AND EVERYTHING ELSE I DON’T KNOW WHAT HER PROBLEM IS THIS COULD REALLY BE A FAST TRIP DOWN THE MOUNTAIN OKAY, GOOD NEWS IS, WE MADE IT DOWN THE HILL WITHOUT [bleep] BRAKES WE DON’T NEED NO STINKING BRAKES I DON’T HAVE TIME TO STOP NOW I CAN’T THIS IS BETTER ANYWAYS I AIN’T GONNA STOP FOR BRAKES I AIN’T GONNA STOP TO PEE I AIN’T STOPPING FOR NOTHING IT’S ALL DOWNHILL FROM HERE [cat warbles] NOW WE’RE FOUR HOURS BEHIND SCHEDULE I’M MORE EXCITED ABOUT UNLOADING MY UNCLE THAN I AM THIS FLIGHT SIMULATOR I’M FOUR HOURS LATE – I’VE GOT SO MUCH PERSONALITY, THE PEOPLE IS GONNA BE SO GLAD TO SEE ME – [sighs] THIS IS A NIGHTMARE NOTE TO SELF: TWO JOYCES ARE NOT BETTER THAN ONE – IS THIS IT? – YEAH – PRAISE THE LORD – YES, PRAISE THE LORD HEY, HOW ARE YOU? – GOOD HOW YOU DOING, MAN? – GOOD. I’M JARRETT I’M SORRY WE’RE SO LATE – HEY, OLD BUDDY – WHERE YOU GUYS BEEN, MAN? WE WERE WAITING FOUR HOURS HERE – OH, MAN IT WAS MY FAULT – THAT EXPLAINS THIS SHIPMENT, JARRETT, BUT, UH, WHAT ABOUT ALL THE OTHERS? – JARRETT, YOU WANT ME TO HELP YOU? – WHY WOULD YOU START NOW? – MUST HAVE BEEN FUN GETTING IT IN, HUH? – MY HEMORRHOIDS FELL OUT DOWN THERE – STEVE – [laughs] – WELL, THAT’S ONE LESS THING THAT HAS TO BE UNLOADED – JUST CAN’T BELIEVE THAT I’M SWEATING THIS BAD Y’ALL WATCH YOUR FINGERS, NOW; DON’T GET HURT WHAT A GREAT JOB – DO I HAVE TO TAKE HIM HOME WITH ME? – OKAY, GUYS, IT LOOKS LIKE YOU GOT IT ALL TOGETHER LET’S SEE WHAT YOU GOT LOOKS A LITTLE ROUGH – THAT’S HOW IT WAS WHEN WE PICKED IT UP – REALLY? – PROBABLY – LET’S SEE WHAT ELSE WE GOT HERE AND A HOLE IN THE ROOF – NICE ONE, JARRETT MAYBE UNCLE STEVE SHOULD DRIVE THE BUS HOME – WELL, NOW IT’S TIME TO NEGOTIATE, I GUESS – NEGOTIATE? – YEAH – HOW COME? – WELL, YOU GUYS ARE FOUR HOURS LATE THAT’S WORTH 500 BUCKS ITSELF THERE’S ABOUT $300 WORTH OF DAMAGE TO THE THING – I DON’T KNOW A WHOLE LOT, BUT THAT POOR LITTLE FELLOW WORKED HARD TO GET THIS THING HERE TO YOU HIS LIFE AND SOUL WAS IN THIS – ALL RIGHT, WELL, I CAN LET YOU OFF THE HOOK FOR THE TARDINESS, I GUESS, BUT THE DAMAGES, YOU GOT TO PAY THAT I’LL GIVE YOU 17 – I THINK WE’RE FINE WITH 17 IF WE CAN JUST GET OUT OF HERE, THAT’D BE GREAT MAN, HOW DO I STAY MAD AT MY UNCLE STEVE NOW? – 15, 16, 17 – ALL RIGHT – LET’S GET OUT OF HERE – I’M TIRED, STEVE – I JUST DRUG THIS THING 2,000 MILES THROUGH THE MOUNTAINS, THROUGH THE WIND, THROUGH THE RAIN AND ALL THE [bleep] BULL[bleep] BUT I’M HERE AND ME GETTING HERE ON TIME WAS A MIRACLE, SO THAT MAKES ME THE MIRACLE [ethereal choral music] PERFECTION AT WORK THAT’S ALL I CAN TELL YOU – WHAT’S UP, ROY? – WHERE AM I GOING? – GOOD TO SEE YOU LET ME SHOW YOU WHERE WE’RE GONNA SET UP – I JUST GOT HERE, AND I ALREADY WANT TO KILL HIM – PARK JUST TO THE LEFT OF THAT WATER CONTAINER THERE – WHAT WATER CONTAINER? – AND THEN TRY TO HAVE THE EASIEST ACCESS SEE THE WHITE ONE SURROUNDED BY ALL THOSE STONES? – THAT’S A PROPANE TANK – PROPANE, YEAH – ARE YOU [bleep] KIDDING ME? – ALL HANDS ON DECK! – HOW MANY HIPPIES DOES IT TAKE TO MOVE A GIANT BABY HEAD, MAN? – WE GOT A DEADLINE WE GOT TO MOVE – WHAT WAS THE QUESTION? – HERE COMES THE LID – OH! – YEAH! – NOW WE’RE GONNA GO ON THE OPPOSITE SIDE – THEY HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THEY’RE DOING IF I DON’T JUMP IN AND HELP GET HUMPTY DUMPTY PUT BACK TOGETHER AGAIN, WHO KNOWS WHEN I’LL GET PAID? YOU GOT TO MOVE THAT AT LEAST A FOOT – YOU THINK SO? – I’M NOT PAID TO THINK I KNOW GO AHEAD AND TAKE ME TO THAT CORNER EVERYBODY THAT’S GOT A FREE HAND, GET ON THIS THING AND HELP HOLD THEM – YEAH YEAH – RIGHT THERE – OKAY, GOOD YEAH, THAT LOOKS GOOD – IT AIN’T NO DOGS PLAYING POKER, BUT IT’S DONE – SO? – I NEED YOU TO MAKE SURE YOU TAKE A LOOK AT THIS AND MAKE SURE YOU’RE HAPPY WITH IT – STILL HARD AS A ROCK

RIGHT THE GIGANTIC MECHANICAL BABY HEAD SURVIVES – THAT IS ONE UGLY BABY YOU OWE ME SOME MONEY – THERE YOU GO WHAT’S YOUR LIFE PHILOSOPHY, RAY? – NOTHING CONTROLS ME BUT ME – YOU ARE THE MAN THANK YOU – IDIOTS narrator: ROY WAS PAID $3,800 FOR SAFELY DELIVERING THE BABY HEAD AFTER PERMITS AND OTHER EXPENSES, HE WALKED AWAY WITH $2,208 FOR FIVE DAYS WORK JARRETT DIDN’T DO QUITE SO WELL HE MADE A TOTAL OF 2,250 FOR THE FLIGHT SIMULATOR AND BARBECUE SMOKER BUT AFTER A PENALTY AND OTHER EXPENSES, HIS PROFIT WAS JUST $1,430 – WE MOVED A LITTLE INTO THE PAST ROY HELPED US MOVE A LITTLE INTO THE FUTURE AND NOW WE’RE AT THE PRESENT REMEMBER: THE HUMANS ARE NOT IN CONTROL IT’S ALL OF YOUR STUFF [giggles] – IF YOU CALL THIS ART, I’M PICASSO – JUST HIT A FLOCK OF BIRDS! LOCK YOUR SEATBELTS WE’RE LANDING IN THE HUDSON [makes engine noises] [makes exploding noise] DON’T BLAME ME

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