how you doing everyone Greg and I here are you do it hello nice to meet ya an imported from Geneva as you can see we’re outside the main train station among the taxi the plan of action is this morning what is the plan of action how’s it going everyone you are watching how not to travel Europe with me Tom Davis and Welsh Greg unofficial step-brother best pal and longtime partner in crime when it comes to mischievous adventures over the next five installments you’ll follow the story of our spontaneous escapades starting at the wealthy Alpine haven of Geneva and hopefully ending in the medieval capital of Bratislava with no tent hardly any planning and a strict policy of no paying but public transport or accommodation it promised to be interesting at best throw in a few unconventional modes of transport six bizarre challenges and nine days to do it all in it promised to be a cracking adventure but to understand why you’ve got to go back 14 years to a time when me and Greg would set off into the mysterious Staffordshire countryside aiming for faraway radio masts with nothing but a fiver in our pockets and a lust for adventure we’d hardly sprouted pubes and we were hopping fences running from farmers battling through forests and wading through rivers these missions are the very foundations of the mission across Wales and for this trip in which we aim to rekindle the magic of those early missions the fun the mischief the hairy situations the interactions with our fellow human beings most of all the stir originally we were supposed to have ten days for this trip which was already pushing it but just 30 minutes before takeoff when I start to the trip mrs white cancelled cheers easyJet it wasn’t the end of the world but it did mean that making good ground each day was now more of a priority at least for the time being on the plus side I did witness this on the way back from Birmingham but it only served to hasten my desire to leave the country the next day though I was back on the road to Heathrow annoyingly but before long I was in Switzerland and ready to join forces with Greg and smell the adventure already now we had a rough idea of where we wanted to get to on our first day but the uncertainty lay with how we were gonna get there our plan was to jump on the next train to the wealthy lakeside city of Lausanne which in itself had its dangers and then we would try a look hitching a ride on a speedboat to Montreux I know what you thinking who the fuck would do that for us we weren’t sure but we were hoping that with a bit of luck charm and persistence we could somehow wangle it the mad thing is I’d actually managed to arrange a ride on a luxury boat from Lausanne to Montreux through one of my subscribers Mikkel but that was for the day before thanks again easy yet but you know what maybe it was better this way and if not we’d have to try our luck hitchhiking on the roads either way we have to make it beyond martini today and in an ideal world the town of Seon right now though we were kind of catching ourselves about this train that very same morning a spanner was inserted gently into our works by our lovely Genevan hosts who warned that the Swiss ticket inspectors were pretty damn hot meaning there was a good of getting fined or at the very least booted off we would need to think outside the box if we were to avoid such a kilometer start to the trim we discovered that the next but one train to Lausanne actually went straight through without stopping which gave us what we thought at the time to be an idea I think what we’re anticipating is a Fat Controller sort of bald ticket man come over to us ask us for our ticket to the Sun and we go no we’re going to Neal and he’ll explain this train doesn’t stop at Neal and hopefully he’ll just kick us off at the Sun no fine that’s what we’re hoping but depends what kind

of character he is I guess so we’ll see we ambled our way over to the worryingly lavish looking train like the clueless tourists we were although for a while we thought it would be fun to try and avoid the inspectors by actively seeking them out and then using the double-decker layout of the train to bypass them but they thought of their own solution for that having two people so in the end we admitted defeat took our seats and prepared ourselves for the inevitable maybe if we wat allowed ly about our fictional day out in neo we could add to our innocent facade then came the moment of truth at least I mean 20 minutes is only the century never never I can’t wait to see this in front of me I’m really looking forward to but not even on this day he’s asking people for two kids in there he’s actually checking people’s tickets in there look this is yeah I think you reckon Greg you had one job to do and you failed miserably right let’s get a ride on a speedboat then angel pumped from hour train ride we decided to clamber our way down from the station externally but the view from the road confirming that it was completely pointless but we were in the mood for a mission and straightaway a gap in the buildings got us thinking we knew the marina was directly south from the train station and we were keen to get there quick to maximize our chances of a lift now a lot of these roads weren’t going south they were going east to west and we didn’t have a map so straight-line missioning in Geneva oh yeah we’ll be there in no time at this rate we’ll see about that see about that won’t we fucking told you our nostalgic shortcuts must have worked wonders not only did we reach the lake in record time but somehow we’d popped out exactly at the marina where straight away was time to prepare ourselves to put on our most persuasive charm chances get in a sailboat it’s probably low because it’s such an effort to lecture yeah you need the wind to be right yeah yeah is there anyone out there who’s willing and able to take us to Montreux excuse me the marina is big but quiet and mostly inaccessible so we spoke to the first bloke we saw but this booming voice skipper could only offer us pricey boat driving lessons okay the only other active boat we saw was another returning driving instructor was your is it our only remaining option other than to wait around was to speak to the guys in the boat club slash shop maybe there was

some cool wakeboarder guy there who had some free time or maybe knew someone who did or maybe there was just a normal bloke with poor English and no idea what we were trying to achieve but he did give us this ok he’s given us this have no idea how fruitful of G or 9 the number didn’t work and things were looking pretty desperate in this buzz less boatyard but then a ray of hope is it yeah my it’s just about open one of the private jetties had been left open otherwise we’re swimming out okay we’re not supposed to be in here well it’s the old rich fool just got a hope that is some warning about okay we’re gonna ask this guy Joe I should come back down but the jetty was a dead end our hopes rested on one portly middle-aged man okay the only guy on this whole jetty is this guy here and we don’t think he speaks good English but let’s have a look the rules for the show is we’re not allowed to use probably come okay yeah so improvise it provides yes yes bloody nice guy isn’t it a nice guy look at you open the old Twitter so what’s the update Thomas well we’re moving in the right direction I guess we’re heading to the next Harbor try our look there but these harbors don’t really seem to fruit called plus it’s ER well is it Wednesday yeah no one’s really knocking about so it’s dead it was hitchhike so you know we’re moving in the right direction but the truth was we really wanted to get a ride on a boat despite the lack of success thus far our spirits were high I mean the weather was incredible and we couldn’t have been in a nicer place all we needed to make this day unforgettable was to be whizzed towards the misty horizon of this endless flat lake by some rich Swiss hunk core marker that was incredibly refreshing then whilst jokingly hailing over a passing speedboat the incredibly slim odds of that actually happening suddenly increased slightly a ray of hope whoever this guy was he’d actually he did our half assed call it’s a strange request that we have one for aid yes so basically we’re trying to get across Europe in as many different modes of transport as possible we wondered if we could take us a little way down the lake right now because you and your free time you could do it but you have to wait there in reality he was just trying to make a living he was the ideal candidate that he had free time and it was his boat now just too occupied sadly on we go down the coast further on whilst exploring some of the more hidden private harbours something even more improbable happened Greg and I were just fantasizing about how cool it would be to own a house here on the lake when this guy walks past he’ll come it was the very guy who had arranged the speedboat for me the previous day just walking his dog with his girlfriend Bazar thank you but time was kind of slipping away from us now and our hopes hinged on this last cluster of masts

this might be our last we’re gonna do it it was the marina that the bare-chested man of lizanne had spoken on and there were plenty of boats including this speedy looking vessel now be perfectly but again the place was absolutely dead and eerily silent – until this gaggle of noisy students marched their way past presumably on their lunch break and that gave us another shit idea so it’s a bit wacky it’s a bit out there but we’ve got our eyes on this boat we’re not gonna steal it but all the white boards the water skis inside there we just think that the kind of guys who own that boat who we think are having their lunch in this restaurant we’re hoping they’re the kind of people who’d be like yeah jump in man we’ll take you to Montreux might be totally off the mark there but we’re gonna wait it out for a few minutes just in case we gave the Phantom boat owners 15 minutes to polish off their lobsters or else would have no choice but to put this improvised sign to use it’s a nice pen it’s very smooth yeah right we’ve given up on this so it’s still firmly there everything’s still on display but presumably and still having their dyndns but we’ve got our side we’re gonna try our luck hitchhiking ah there’s the main road up there yeah it’s right there what are the odds of seanut shambles of a club out here good god I don’t think this is too bad ah okay if we go just before it they can pull in yeah yeah we chanced upon a nice shady spot by the petrol station he was now a question of how generous are the wealthy citizens of Lake Geneva [Applause] yeah pretty damn generous it turns out sweet yeah that’s somewhere thanks very was roughly two-thirds of the way to Montreux which after a five minute wait was good enough for us but who was the generous gentleman who’d be taking us there we think his name was Jerome and thanks to his luscious blonde locks we were now right on schedule that is wonderful c’est magnifique Gerald was a man of few words but then why do you need to speak when you’ve got views like this Wow perfect merci nice to meet you Jerry had actually dropped us off right by Vevey marina where the temptation to search for a boat returned but the temptation to do this was stronger did you get a boat mate much to the dissatisfaction of this old-timer but it mattered not because before my trunks even had chance to dry they were set to be dampening the seat of our next chauffeur Azul Natalie a zesty free-spirited independent young woman with just enough room in her car to take us boys to Montreux she was actually returning from a dance festival where she danced the can come in this frilly multicolored dress but there was so much more in Natalie’s locker than dancing the can-can and just minutes later she was picking apart the very laws that govern our existence the spiritual world steak yeah and the physic and the science that is behind that I’m trying to make the Blake Wow maybe it’s beyond science then as we entered the historic streets of Montreux she pulled this out the back ride on what yeah very good very turns out that as well as being a freethinker Natalie was an accountant and one of her clients just so happened to be watersports

Montreux Bonjour where we met our bronze hunk Geordi hey Tom nice to meet you we did thanks to Natalya here yeah the deal was that in return for a simple mention on YouTube we would get to go wake surfing for free after spending all day asking people for a ride on their boat we’d somehow ended up on one without even trying better still we were about to do water sports and in this setting – it was just surreal in fact I think I got a bit too excited thankfully for everyone else on board it was time to wake surf with Geordie keen to show us how it was done as the boat accelerates the shape of the stern kicks up a big wave and once you’re up and steady you can let go of the rope and ride that way for as long as the lake will let you which in the case of Lake Geneva is basically forever [Applause] almost now it was a turn always wear a life jacket feedback now Greg had done a bit of wakeboarding before so out of the two of us he had the best chances of not embarrassing himself but after his first two attempts those chances were getting slimmer but then Greg was up and running he’d nailed the standing up bit could he let go of the rope and sir could I do any better though well here’s my first attempt nice which also happened to be my best from then on I did the opposite of Gregan got worse with their free attempts best left to the pros I think you sick as quickly as it come about a spontaneous watersports experience was over we thanked our instructors dearly quickly used up all the ink in their pen for our next sign as if they hadn’t helped us enough already and bid them farewell bye thank you right obviously we’ve just had a wonderful time but it’s half for now that is the time star for pushing it quite finally so we’ve got to find another picture I can spot over there apparently yeah according to mr. Davis Jones here we’re not related in that sense but anyway anyway shut up anyway the point is we’ve got some moving today we’ve got some fucking ground to make then two minutes later to go Oh Mel see well that didn’t take us long any train we get up we’ve warned you a small child’s tourist train around all right believer or a fully functioning national rail service we actually made some really useful ground on this train Bonjour Bonjour we were let on as a sort of joke really but by God we took full advantage popping out right by the real train station just in case we needed a plan B and in the perfect spot to actually hitchhike to martini right we’re hoping now we can hitchhike again to Martin E and beyond we need to get past that today this is the thing it’s getting on that big highway up there that’s where we’re going to make the real miles but this time the traffic vibe was different a constant flow of big weeks inexpensive cars racing home after work isn’t it just the case in life mate that the people who pick you up drive the worst cars Range Rovers and sports cars you don’t stand a chance and then our odds of getting picked up

took a further blow right slight turning event it’s starting to rain – stinky Pete’s was one thing – wet stinky Pete’s was another so we prepared for the worst Greg’s just checked the train times just in case we have no luck with this we can hop on another train but five minutes later a man in a sparkling black Beemer came to our rescue that’s fine okay Murphy now see the trend bucking man in question was JL originally of Kosovo when leaving the light now he couldn’t take us to Martin II but he did want better he took us to a crucial Junction beyond veal nerve where we could finally get onto the motorway and potentially much further despite speaking no English he took a keen liking to my mission across Wales series watching the entire two minute intro whilst driving yeah that’s not dangerous at all he even gave us a really useful parting gift the umbrella matched Greg’s top perfectly and we joked that that was the sole reason he’d given it to us you did had to have it you just had to it was only when I look back at the footage that I discovered that he actually did the man had a deep burning passion for fashion well we’ve edged our way a bit further down the valley or up the valley rather I throw about five six miles today we’ve had fun and we’re making ground so these women are looking at what you love you know that’s what counts oh this car pulling over we weren’t going there but the frequency of bangers was promising Rosa Bonheur Barca now Doris + Greg and I were now radiating spirit and warped brightening these local Swiss people’s days with our daftness even the Jean Dom couldn’t resist it and then no we didn’t get arrested for crimes against fashion Greg Greg yes Paola originally from Portugal was a generous modest funny and downright cool bloke with an easygoing attitude and a lust for life the kind of guy whose presence instantly makes you feel at ease like you’ve known each other for years we exchange stories and we told him about how our first day had gone so far morning like a speedboat and she said do you wanna come on the boat with me for free we went wake surfing how low then told us that a good friend of his lived in a massive student house in Sierre just beyond Seon with a bunch of he PE students depending on whether he was at home we could probably crash there the night which with the weather forecast we’d seen all day was quite an alluring thought even if hippies can be a bit mental in the end though he was out of town our sleeping spot was once again in the lap of the gods maybe it was better that way our all too brief encounter with Paulo was over Terry my but yet again the generosity of our fellow human beings had left us in the highest of spirits we love you Paulo which was useful because we still had one last section of road to cover although we’ve done well to scrape ourselves this far this late on but our sights were firmly set on our original target of Si on nothing would cut this day off more than getting another swift

lift that way we could scout out a good place to sleep in the last light of the day before hitting the town for some well-earned food and celebratory beverages we joked about another paolo s character coming to our rescue we weren’t far off I speak a small bit of French in particular ok nice Greg my name is Greg Phillip nice to meet you drug dealer or seasoned driver we couldn’t quite tell from his wayward ramblings all we knew is that he was also from Portugal but that he didn’t know Paola that he made the football kits for FC C on and that his love for swearing in the English language was greater than his love for life itself but as erratic and excitable as he was Filipe was about to surge his way up our little leaderboard of lifts oh is that it not only at Filipe taken us beyond si on to his current hometown of sea air but he was now taking us by foot to a chateau a castle upon a hill exactly the kind of place that we’d been hoping to stumble across ourselves hopefully its historical nooks and crannies could provide us with the perfect shelter for the night there might even be a clumsily unlocked door or a room we could sneak into or it could be totally inaccessible and guarded by security we didn’t really know at this point but we were itching to get up there and find out is fuckin sick we climbed our way up through the grapevines the view of the town expanding with each step we took the steps themselves becoming increasingly impressive and princely and it was here on these princely steps that we shared a lovely moment with filly this is like reminds me of Lara Croft Tomb Raider some things are just universal Phillipe quickly pointed out to us where all the best bars were in town before leaving us to explore the grounds of the shutter thanks for everything all the best thanks a lot all the best can I just say we’ve just met the two nicest guys that ever graced the land of Portugal what the odds of that the Maine Chateau building looks pretty inhabited and the only hidden doors and passageways we could find were securely locked so we started looking a bit further into the castle grounds where we found this oh yeah okay that night definitely sleep in there mate are there’s a fire there well that’s just ridiculous and there’s a water tap as well for us to drink water and there’s many grapes as you could possibly eat right heading down for beers and pizza now but we’ll be back up at about 11:00 p.m. pitched as far as look at that view it’s just ridiculous sleep well that storm approaching from the doesn’t look gray and when you look up here at those sirens I think they’re avalanche sirens that look very conductive to lightning that does worry you but what a place to sleep in town we soaked up some at Moss fucking pumping engulfed a massive pizza and sunk lots of beers predictably though it would prove to be one too many we’re heading up to spot our sleeping spot now the journey back up to the castle is a tad hazy but from these audio clips it’s pretty clear that instead of making our way to the tower we ended up in some places that we probably weren’t meant to be private dwellings in what seemed to be deep in the castles grounds is mission mission up here then we stumbled across this drunk

disorientated and in need of sleep we made a controversial decision welcome to our humble abode this is where we’ve decided to sleep tonight we haven’t got a clue where that tower is maybe we’ll go back there in the morning and make a fire it’s absolutely fine to sleep sheltered from the rain for added security it’s our own little room and quite frankly we’ve had a few pints and we don’t give a shit be interested fucking lunatic Oh

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